I really dont have much going on today. After spending the entire weekend catching up on sleep and being lazy, Monday and the reality that comes with it had been quite the slap in the face. I actually have to get out of bed...and, well, it sucks! I was thinking earlier this morning how nice it would be to have a week long vacation sans kids! Once I let my imagine run I realized that I would be quite content to actually send the kids on a vacation while I stayed at home and never left my bed. Sure, half way through the week I would want to get up and take advantage of not having the kids not to mention that I would miss the little bugs like crazy - oh! but then their fighting broke through my daydream and I realized perhaps I wouldn't miss them THAT much! LOL - just kidding...I would, even if they have been on a path of destruction today!
At this point, it seems that each of my family members seem to be tweeking my nerves a bit. Yet, I realize that it isn't so much what they are doing but my response to their actions that bothers me or I guess I should say my LACK of response. The truth is, I am so incredibly tired. I know I have mentioned this before, so I decided to take some action. For one, I have resumed taking the dreaded iron pills. I have also been taking vitamins in an effort to revamp my energy levels. I have been doing this for 12 days now...and sadly, there has been no improvement. The thing is, the more tired I am the less patience I have, and for someone with virtually no patience to begin with...well, you can see how this could be a problem, except that I am so tired that it seems I have all the patience in the world...because I just don't have the energy to push back or to even muster a response....to ANYTHING. Even JR has commented on it. He has asked "what's wrong" several times...there are only so many times I can respond, "I am just so tired" before even I get annoyed with that answer. Lately he says its worse, he says that I dont seem to have the energy to fight with him, which he swears is my favorite thing to do. He's right, not about it being my favorite thing to do, but I dont have the energy to fight. Even my biggest irritation of him coming home and leaving his socks and shoes in the middle of the floor...I dont know if I am just too tired, or if I have just resigned myself to the fact that after nearly 6 years, he isn't going to change this habit and it's just easier to pick them up myself than to argue with him about it. So, my next step is to make a doctor's appointment, which I had planned to do today, but didn't, so it will have to be sometime this week. I am going to make an appointment for EVERYTHING. A well-woman check, I want my blood drawn and tested for anything and everything. I want a regular check-up as well as a visit to the dermatologist to get all 6000 of my moles checked. Something is going on, and I have ignored it for too long, telling myself I just need more sleep or convincing myself that its just anemia. So...hopefully I will have some answers in the coming months.
Logan is doing really well. He loves school, and almost always gets good reports from his teachers. He is still struggling with learning names, but the teachers say that he has really come out of his shell and involves himself with other kids more than he did even a month ago. He seems to become more and more independent from me everyday, although JR loves to remind me that I need to cut the cord. Or, my mom likes to ask when I will stop breast feeding him..ughhh! He is nearly 5 years old, I haven't breast fed him since he was 7 months old! Get off my back people..he is my baby boy, forgive me for having a hard time letting him go.
Landry has become quite the little mommy's girl. LOL In the past two weeks, she wants to cuddle with me, she wants me to hold her - she is all about being with me. It cracks me up when we go pick Logan up from school, all the kids call out, "hey sissy" LOL At some point Logan is going to have to start calling her Landry instead of sissy! She has platued with her potty progress, and I am too tired to keep up with it. I know it's not good, I need to down a couple of pots of coffee if that's what it takes, but...oh well. No mommy award for me this year, I guess. She uses the potty about 70% of the time when she goes without a diaper. But due to my laziness she went the whole weekend with a diaper. Today she has gone without, and hasn't had a single accident...YET! She also FIGHTS her naptime. Sometimes she wont fall asleep until 3:30 or 4 and sleep until nearly 6, which means she doesn't go to bed until 9:30 or 10...again, I am too tired to fight with her. When I mention nap time, she usually runs to hide behind the couch or in a closet, even at night, when I can actually talk her into going to her bedroom, she will sit down and scoot all the way to her room, or bear crawl...anything to delay the inevitable. While at times, it's a little annoying, I have to just laugh at her willfulness! Plus, I know that she is just hoping that I will react, instead, I just slowly walk along side her until we make it to the room. When she hides, I usually just sit outside the closet, or by the couch and wait for her to come out.
This brings me back to my lack of response. I seem to have no reaction to anything, nothing gets my blood boiling - I simply just sit back and wait for the kids to come around where as before I would have simply picked Landry up and carried her to her room, whether she was kicking and screaming or not. I wish I could say that I am just testing this new style of parenting, letting the kids see the error of their ways and learn to make the right decisions on their own...but the truth is, they are 4 and 2...although maybe it isn't such a trrible thing to be calm all the time. I just need to get things somewhat back to normal...I like being calm, but geez, I need a little fire...it's part of who I am, and without it - well, I just dont fell like me. I feel hollow, like a shell of the person I really am. Even with the house. I am excited, I really am, but I just can't seem to muster the energy to research products, or go over every decision over and over again the way JR does. I feel guilty about it, but I think that you can tell how excited I am by reading my blog. As long as I am just writing about it, or talking about it while sitting in one spot - the enthusiam is easy to sense. It's the going here and there for this and for that, it's just so much...I am leaving a lot of it to JR, because I just can't muster the energy for it...a decision I am scared to death I will regret later on! LOL
No comments:
Post a Comment