Memorial Day Weekend

Oh Man...this weekend was BUSY!!!! We had so much to do and so many people to see. Usually ir really stresses me out to try to fit so much in a small amount of time. I usually make a pretty stict itenerary but I always end up more stressed when things don't go as planned and we aren't able to accomplish everything. This weekend, I completely relaxed my OCD self. I let things come as they happened and decided if there was something we wanted to do, we would, and if we didn't get to do everything, that was OK! We decided we would leave Saturday morning instead of Friday. JR and I were so tired after such a busy week, so we decided it wasn't worth it to drive later at night. Neither of us sleep later than 8 anyway, so it just seemed logical. We kind of farted around so we didn't get on the road until nearly 10, but the trip to Houston was uneventful...when you have 2 kids...you want uneventful. He had to stop at JR's office in Houston so he could pick up a few samples, which turned out to be a total of 3 minutes, but it was worth adding the extra hour and a half because by doing so JR is getting paid drive time plus mileage...so basically we got paid to travel to and from Houston...AWESOME! Our first stop was to get Logan's haircut.

I usually cut his hair myself. He used to be really good about it, and I was able to actually give him a style, but one day - it became a major pain in the ass. For some reason he became terrified of getting his hair cut. we could only do it once every 4-5 months because it was just too traumatic...for all of us. Logan would be screaming and crying, I would be holding him down, in tears, because I felt terrible about it. JR would get irritated while trying to cut his hair, and Landry was running around crying because her brother was crying. SOOOOO, I decided we would let someone else cut his hair this time around...I was extremely nervous. I figured we would do it in Houston since we wont be seeing any of those people ever again. LOL He did great, he was smiling, no tears...he thought it was fun..GAH!

From there we went straight to JR's sister's house. We haven't seen Lacy since Landry was 2 weeks old, so OBVIOUSLY, it's been a while. Lacy was having a huge crawfish boil, and we had such a good time. They have a pool in their backyard, so it was nice to have something for the kids to do. Her house was PACKED...the pool was full of kids and adults, but everyone was very aware of their surroundings. I didn't have to worry about one of the bigger kids jumping onto the smaller ones. It was really nice. It was after 7 by the time we got the kids out of the pool. They were both so wrinkled, I dont think their skin smoothed out until the next day! LOL I have tons of pics over on facebook but here are a few more.

After the crawfish boil we went to our friend's house in Spring to hang out and stay the night. It was a nice night to just hang out and chat...unfortunately we are all covered in mosquito bites...ughhh We got up around 9 on Sunday and packed up. We took the kids to IHOP where we met up with some other friends and their kids. Again, just a few hours of eating and hanging out. It was fun. After breakfast we stopped in at our friends Nikki and Travis' house to meet their new daughter Mila. She is gorgeous. Nikki and Travis were both beaming. I can't get over how great Nikki looked 9 days after delivering her sweet daughter. We hung out for about an hour and a half, talking and catching up, and of course holding Mila before we continued our journey to Galveston. We met JR's mom at Joe's crab shack so that the kids could play at the play ground. They had so much fun. And for the final leg of the trip we went to my grandmother's house. We had dinner, and talked, and went to bed early. Monday morning he ate dinner then went across the street to my Aunt's for more swimming, and then headed home about 12:30. I was a great weekend!

Hmmmm...

I don't even know how to title this...So much is happening and yet at the same time, nothing is going on. Let's see, Logan had his Preschool graduation on Tuesday. I didn't think I would get emotional, and I didn't until they played this stupid slideshow with a crappy sappy song called "Let them be Little", it's actually a good song, but the lyrics really hit home and seeing Logan grow over the course of the last 9.5 months was just a bit much for my weepy eyes! Today is his last day of school and they are having a water day! He was really confused when I told him he was wearing his swimsuit to school! LOL I can't believe that this time next year he will be graduating from Kindergarten....Sometimes I think about the fact that he will graduate high school in 2025, and it seems so far away, but seeing him at his graduation makes me realize that it is just around the corner. I am so not going to be okay with him leaving me. Logan is so much smarter than I orginally thought, and I have let go of my issues with that whole process. The school he will be going to next year has a website for kindergarten readiness so I let him do the activities on it...he was FLYING through the pre-k section and most of the actual kindergarten section. He has some trouble with the counds of letters, and lowercase letters (he knows all the capital ones), and also rhyming....but it's nice that I know that and I know what we can work more on! He obviously got his daddy's math brain because he is already adding and subtracting. I was really shocked to see that. I do think he has some social awkwardness, but I think it will come along in time. He has already started going up to other kids to "make friends" at the park, or the pool, or football camp...it's just...sometimes he does random wierd things. None of the other kids seem to mind, so maybe kids are just weird! LOL. Monday and Tuesday we drove down to Wimberley so that Logan could go to my dad's football camp. The camp was for kids that would be going into 2nd grade up to the kids going into 8th grade. There were only about 4 second graders, so of course Logan was the youngest one there...but not the smallest. I was so proud of him. There were some things he couldn't really do, but he still tried and had a lot of fun. He LOVED tackling the dummies - he would go at it 100%, but when they lined up against each other and had to tackle each other, he would gently push against them. It was hilarious. Now, I have seen Logan and Isaiah (his cousin) tackle each other full force, so I know he can do it...when I asked why he didn't tackle the other kids harder, he said he didn't want to hurt anyone! AWWWWW! Such a sweet kid! JR was offered a promotion at work. He would still be making about the same amount of money, except that it would be salary so he could actually work ka 40 hour week instead of the 60 - 70 hours he works now...unfortunately the postion is at their Dallas office...obviously we turned it down. We just bought our house. I am not moving from here. I love our town, the community, the school district, our home...soooo...we wont be going anywhere! JR and I have started chewing the nicorette gum. JR is on day 3 and has no cravings to smoke...I just started today, I still want a cigarette. It's not so much the nicotine as it is the hand to mouth action...it's like I have an oral fixation or something...who knows. Well, I obviously don't smoke as much as JR. When he got up to a pack aand a half a day I guess that's when he realized he should stop. I smoke about a half pack a day. So here is the deal with the nicorette. Apparently they come in different dosages. I had JR leave me a package of gum because I knew I would be starting today. I just chewed my first piece, but I had to take it out because it was making me sick. It did take away the urge to smoke, but it gave me a giant buzz and made me dizzy as well as having my stomach doing some flips. This is when JR mentions that I probably only need the smaller dosage of the gum. Ughhh....duh! Anyway, that is about all that is going on!

Keepin' On

Life has been a little different for the past 3 weeks. If I was feeling old and tired before then, I am definately feeling old and tired now! I feel like I have settled into a rythym, and so have the kids. They understand that Mark will be here everyday. My biggest problem is the mornings. Mark literally cries from the time his mom leaves until we either load up to take Logan to school or until I lay him down for his nap. The only time he stops is when I feed him his breakfast, which takes a whole 10 minutes. So, yeah, basically 2 hours of him crying. He just want me to hold him and walk around with him. Once he wakes up from his nap and he eats, he is usually happy as a clam so the rest of our day is pretty wonderful...it's just the first 2 hours that are complete torture. It's really funny too, because crying and whining has to be pretty loud for it to get to me...or apparently it can last for long periods of time before it gets to me. I have had him a few times until 6:30 over the past 3 weeks, so I am really worried about that. Amber told me yesterday he usually takes a little nap around 4...which could be why he was soooo cranky for 3 hours!!! I tried to get him to go to sleep, but he only wanted to sleep in my arms - and I just can't do that. I feel bad for him, but I just can't do it. I have Logan and Landry and well as my own stuff to do around the house, I just can't hold him all day, and I dont have the luxery of letting him sleep in my arms. Anyway, it seems as though my days have been twice as long as they used to be, and really things are going great, it's just the first 2 hours that drain me...and then the last 2 - 3 when he stays until 6:30 (which will be every day starting June 1). One habit that I need to break, is that I have gotten in the habit of going to the guest bedroom and laying down to read...the minute JR walks through the door. Last night he got a little irritated with me about it. I told him I did it because by the time he gets home I am physically and mentally exhausted and I need some time to decompress. Sure enough, after I told him I would stay in the living room I was bombarded, "Mommy, I'm thirsty." "I have to pee." "Come wipe my butt." "I want some cheese." "I need a different game." "I'm hungry." I went to the bathroom and they followed. Seriously, this is all normal stuff. It happens everyday - ALL day, but I guess last night was just one of those nights, so I tried explaining to JR why I "disappear" when he walks through the door. I never get a minute of peace. Like I said, 98% of the time, it doesn't bother me at all...every since I got sick last week I have gotten in the habit of laying down to read when JR gets home...I know I need to stop. He says it isn't fair to him, he's right. He says I take him granted, he's wrong about that...although I should express my gratitude for him more often. I told him so last night, then I told him that he needs to understand that I feel taken for granted as well. I pick up the house every night before I go to sleep. I keep my house very clean, I keep the dishes done, the laundry - eh, I try to get to it once a week, etc., etc., I do this while taking care of 3 kids. Every day, he comes home, he leaves his boots in the entry way...which is fine, but damn...move them to the side!!! He takes his socks off in the living room and they end up on the ground. He uses his flip flops the rest of the day, which are of course just laid around. After eating he leaves his dishes on the table. So, I asked...do you think a magic fairy comes in and moves all your stuff? Isn't it funny that EVERY DAY you have to get your flip flops of the rack? Dont you wonder how they got there? Isn't it strange that there isn't a mountain of dirty socks next to the couch, yet you keep leaving them there. Do you think your dishes just walk themselves into to the kitchen and scrub themselves, then miraculously hop into the dishwasher??? Seriously, I know my job is to maintain the house and take care of our children. Geez, it would be nice for a thank you, or the house looks nice, or something. The things is, JR and I have talked about all of this before, and when we first moved into our home, he said he really wanted to take pride in it. It's the first home we have ever owned and we both agreed we needed to take good care of it. We both agreed to step things up. I was very specific in saying that it can't be all me, he has to help too. The truth of the matter is, JR is VERY set in his ways. When we were first living together, we fought about two things 1, MONEY and 2, cleaning. Those two battles went on for years. Now, we discuss money in a totally different way, and sometimes things get tight, but I have learned to chill out a little, and JR has learned to stress a little, so we are able to meet on more solid ground. The cleaning on the other hand...I think I just gave up. Every now and then there will still be an arguement about it, but not like before. I guess I have just accepted that he isn't going to clean - period. The problem is that I will go on for months and then I get pretty resentful and I end up yelling at him over something small - usually it's the damn socks in the living room - SERIOUSLY 6 and a half years of asking him not to leave his dirty socks in the living room. I honestly say something at least 3 times a week. I pick up the socks, and say - can you PLEASE put these in the laundry room??? "Oh, yeah, sorry." or "I was going to." I have done everything I know. I have asked, I have yelled, I have threatened, I have cried, I have done nothing (this is where I sit back and literally do nothing, I only wash my laundry, or my plate, I don't pick up after the kids or him...this always turns out to be a disaster. The house gets so messy that you cant see the floor. Trash piles up onto the counters, the dishes get stacked up on the counter because the sink is full. Then once its gotten really bad, JR will come home telling me that I have let the house get out of control! This leads to a huge fight followed by me having to clean the giant mess, which only makes me more mad! So, I have just tried to accept it, and keep the house clean for my own sanity...but that doesn't mean that it doesn't still bother me - it does. It makes me feel really taken advantage of, and that's the part that bothers me the most. Anyway, that's enough babbling about that. Right now I am just going to keep on, keepin' on. So, until next time!

Mother's Day/JR's birthday

Every year we go to the beach for Mother's Day. This year would have been our 5 year trip...unfortunately, we got sick. Logan was having some issues last week so I kept him home on Tuesday. I let Amber and Dj know ahead of time so they could make other arrangements for Mark, but they chose to bring him here (right now they are probably kicking themselves!) I did my best to clorox everything Logan touched, and to keep him upstairs away from the baby....but yeah, by Friday, my throat was swelling, and I noticed Mark had some major mucous going on...as did Landry! Fortunately for Logan he was all better! Like I said Friday was not so good for me. I felt like crap, and I had 3 kids to take care of. I was NOT operating at 100%. We went outside to blow bubbles and to color on the side walk with some chalk, but I just wasn't doing well. I was visiting the toilet about every 20 minutes. JR and I decided to see how I felt saturday morning, but we let our families know that we probably wouldn't be making it. On Saturday I woke up at noon...yeah, I know! I couldn't move my body. Everything hurt. I thought maybe it was just stiffness from being in bed too long, so I tried getting up. I walked to the bathroom and did my business, but by the time I got there I was covered in sweat. I decided that making it back to the bed wasn't that important so I fell asleep on the toilet! Yeah...I know! I woke up, who knows how long later and decided to try to make it back to the bed. I got halfway, laid down on the floor, cried, started drooling because it hurts too bad to swallow my excess saliva, and proceeded to fall asleep. I remember trying to talk myself into crawling to the bed. I remember thinking that if I could just get to the bed I could at least pull the covers and pillows down because I knew I didn't have the strength to get up on the bed. At 2:30 JR came to tell me he was hungry. I told him I didn't care. He got mad at me because I wasn't helping with the kids, I was so weak I couldn't even muster the strength to get mad at him for being selfish. At 5 I repeated the process of going to the bathroom. I was able to walk...very slowly, and I didn't fall asleep on the toilet, so that was an improvement. However; I was again covered in sweat. I went back to sleep. By 9 that evening I was feeling much better. I finally made it downstairs. I had a huge glass of water, then a glass of orange juice, followed by more water. JR was still irritated, he just looked at me, I stared back...I think he finally realized I was really sick 20 minutes later when the water and juice came back to bite me in the ass! All the strength I had gained was quickly gone. I went back to bed! Sunday was Mother's day. I woke up a little weak, but sooooo much better! by afternoon I was at about 60%...it was also JR's birthday, so he went to play disc golf with his friends. Luckily, as the hours went by, I was feeling better and better. The kids were pretty awesome and I was actually able to hold down fluids...MUCH BETTER! Monday morning, I was back to 90%. I was up at 6:30, preparing for Mark. At 7:20 Amber text me to say she and DJ were staying home from work so they were going to keep Mark. Apparently, they were all sick! Like I said...I warned her ahead of time! They are doing better today and are both at work, Mark is with me. Somehow, JR is the only one to come out of this inscathed...probably because he is never home, but anywho, that was how my weekend went! YAY

Events of the week

JR had a friend come to stay with us Friday evening. Beano (Bryan) is a good friend of ours from Houston. This past weekend was the "Man Olympics". It is a weekend where all the guys from college get together and do a number of activities over the weekend every year. Beano arrived Friday afternoon, and after hanging out for about an hour, he and JR headed into Austin for the festivities. Friday nights events were bowling, then a pool tournament, then blackjack. The kids and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. JR and Beano didn't get home until after 5 in the morning. On Saturday, they left early for the archery tournament, followed by golf, then corn hole, and poker. While they were busy doing that, I took the kids into Austin with my cousins, DJ, Amber, and Mark. We went to dinner, then to the movies. The plan was to watch The Avengers. Amber and DJ had bought their tickets previously and unfortunaley when I went to by ours at 5:45 (for the 6:30 showing) they were sold out. I was going to just take the kids to a later showing or try to drive to San Marcos, but Amber suggested giving Logan her ticket and buying tickets for another movie. We all agreed that Logan would watch The Avengers with DJ, so the boys set off to get seats. I tried to buy tickets for The Five Year Engagement, but because it was rated R I couldn't purchase them because they dont allow kids in after 6, even with a parent. SOOOOO, I bought tickets for the Hunger Games. I was really iffy on it, because I was still trying to decide if I wanted to read the books before seeing the movie, but decided it was probably best to watch the movie first since I am always so disappointed in the movies that I read the books of beforehand. The movie didn't start until 7:30 so we were the first people in the theater. Amber and I discussed the "funny" nature that we could bring our kids in to watch kids murder other kids...but not into a movie that had strong language and was probably sexual in nature. It just seemed a little ironic...but rules are rules. I was also a little irritated that I had to purchase a ticket for Landry..apparently in Austin, kids over 12 months require a ticket...no big deal, but in San Marcos, it's kids over 3 that require a ticket. Obviously we were in the theatre for over an hour before the movie even started, so I let Landry run around until people started coming in. Mark fell asleep right as the previews began, and Landry went back and forth from sitting in my lap and in her own seat. She was doing a really good job of whispering, and I was really proud of her. When ALL the lights went out, she was whispering that it dark. Each time she said something, I would whisper back "no talking" we have to be very quiet. 5 minutes would go by and then she would whisper something else. This went on through the previews. 15 minutes into the movie, I had to shhhh her. As I said, she was doing really well considering she is two...but I was worried about the people sitting directly next to her. As I shushed her, I caught the man next to his wife/girlfriend looking at Landry, and I apologized and said I would just take her over to the door so as not to disturb them (see...I am very considerate like that). The woman laughed and said not to worry about it, that they were actually impressed she was being so still. Whew! Insert warm fuzzy feeling here. The man said she was very well behaved...even warmer feeling. Then - it happened! The woman sitting in the row in front of us and 3 seats to the right of Landry...putting her in front of the man sitting next to us, turns around as says, "this is my second time to see this movie because the first time there was a crying baby sitting behind me, so maybe you should take her out, I'd appreciate being able to actually watch the movie this time." Hmmmmm...if you know me, you know that my anger can spark on a dime, and when that happens, I usually have some word vomit! I responded to her by saying, "well, it looks like you'll have to come back a third time!" She said, "BITCH! I had to pay for my ticket and I intend to get my money's worth." " I simply told her that I had to pay for mine, AND for my daughters and that we were all entitled to get our moneys worth. I told her if she was so upset about having to come back for the second time because of a crying child then she should NOT have chosen seats in front of two women with children seeing as how we were the first ones in the theatre. I then asked her in my sweetest voice to kindly turn around and watch the movie because she was being far more disruptive than my 2 year old, and that if she had any issues, she could address management. I turned back to the movie with the intention of ignoring this rude 20 year old girl. She apparently wasn't done because she said, "It isn't my problem you can't keep your fucking kid quiet so everyone else can watch the movie!" I refused to even look at her because I had a feeling I would knock the crap out of her. Luckily the man and woman who were admiring my parenting earlier took great offense to her language. They both spoke at the same time, the woman telling her that her language was inappropriate, and the man telling her "Actually it is your problem that she brought her child...as you can see no one else has an issue with it but you, so either move to another seat, or be quiet, because YOU...not her child are ruining the movie!" I waited until she turned around, then gave the couple a thank you nod. 20 minutes later Landry was fighting going to sleep, so I took her over to the entrance ramp to where I could walk around with her, still see the movie, and have my own presence blocked so no one else could see me. 10 minutes after that Landry was sleeping so I walked back to my seat and enjoyed the rest of the movie. Landry and Mark both slept through the rest. Before the credits even came up, the girl and her friend bolted out of the theatre. Now, I do feel it necessary to say, I have been to the theatre many times in which there was A) a crying baby, B) a kid sitting directly behind be who kicked my seat through out an entire movie or C) had a bunch of hoodlums in the theatre running back and forth playing chase or even D) grown adults talking on their cell phone, or to each other. I know how frustrating it can be, and before having kids I remember wondering why in the hell someone would take their kids to a movie. Being a mom is a whole new ball game. I don't have baby sitters that I can call on a whim when I want to do something, and the whole reason we went to the movies was because Logan wanted to watch the Avengers, plans sometimes change and this was one of those times. However, no matter what situation I have been in, or how old I was, I have never spoken to another person or asked them to leave because of their kids the way this girl did to me. Perhaps if she wouldn't have been so rude when she turned around, I would have been more likely to oblige...I really wish I could express the tone in which she was speaking to me. Not to mention, she CHOSE to sit there, knowing that their was going to be a baby and a toddler behind her! I don't know about you, but when I go to the theatre, I specifically look for kids....and I mean, small children up to the age of 18, and I try like hell to avoid them!!! Anyway, after the movie we went outside to find DJ and Logan waiting for us in the courtyard. They said the movie was great and Logan talked about it ALL THE WAY HOME. DJ said Logan was awesome! YAY! ON Sunday, we met up at the pool with DJ, Amber, and Mark and enjoyed a few hours of swimming with the kids before heading to a local Mexican food place for some beerRitas. During dinner Logan was sounding very hoarse, so when we got home I took his temp..nothing there but when I got the flashlight out to look in his throat, his entire left side was swollen badly. I text Amber to let her know, ut she opted to bring Mark on Monday anyway. I put Logan's computer upstairs along with his DS and put on a movie so that he would stay upstairs while Mark was downstairs...trying to prevent the spreading of the sickness. I took Logan's temperature regualarly and he still has no fever, but his throat is still swollen and his nose is running like a faucet. I decided to keep him home today, just in case it is something that can be spread. No one else has gotten sick so far, and I am really wondering if it is allergies or has something to do with the chemicals in the pool. He was totally fine before going swimming, so I am just keeping my eye on him, if it doesn't clear up by tomorrow or at least have the swelling go down a bit, I am going to take him to the doctor. Also, there are no puss pockets on the throat, just swelling. So, that is what's been going on in my neck of the woods. I should also mention that the rest of last week went smoothly with Mark. He is almost officially on a schedule, and he is getting more sleep, but it isn't interfering with his night time sleep at all! YAY He gets here at 7, we do breakfast at 8, nap time at 9:30 - 10:30, snack at 11, lunch at 12:30, nap from 1 - 2:30, and his mommy picks him up around 2:45 - 3. Now that we have a schedule going it is much, much easier!!!

Day 2,

It's 10:30, and so far things are going relatively well. Mark arrived at 7 this morning. Maybe it was all the coffee yesterday...I really was ready to go to bed at about 8, but - I have a family to look after, so I made some asparagus and JR grilled some sirloin steaks, I also heated up the baked sweet potatoes I had made the night before for the kids. LOGAN LOVES SWEET potatoes! anyway, I didn't actually fall asleep until midnight, so this morning I hit the snooze button a few too many times and woke up to the knocking on my door! Whew! at least I woke up! LOL (I slept in the guest room, so it's close to the front door...I think I had an idea that waking up would be difficult! LOL) In the 3.5 hours that Mark has been here, he has cried for only about an hour. I feel bad, but I talked to Amber yesterday when she picked him up and I was right...the teachers at the daycare held him ALL DAY. I think this says a lot. Not only about him wanting to be held, but also the lack of sleep. Now, I look back on when I had Logan...and to be honest I held him all the time. Once he started crawling I stopped holding him so much, and wouldn't you know it, we was walking at 9 months! Logan was content to sleep (He gets that from me) He would sleep a lot. Mark is more the type that he doesn't want to be left out, so he isn't prone to fall asleep in your arms. He did take a a quick nap this morning, but I am trying to keep him awake until noon, then I want him to really take a nap (a real one). I moved his pack n play to the guest room, so I am hoping that will keep him down a little longer. I also think about after I had Landry. Unfortunately I didn't have the luxury of holding her all day every day. I had to deal with Logan and with Landry so they had to learn to be a little patient. I think Mark is learning this now. Landry is learning this a little more as well. There are some major jealousy issues going on. When I do hold Mark, she wants me to hold her too. She seems to be okay, she will play with a toy or with Logan, then look up and get upset by Mark's presence. Once she figures out that I am just talking to him, that I am not going to pick him up...she's okay. I read Mark a book after feeding him his cereal and yogurt and Landry made a point to sit in my lap and turn the pages...it's been a while since she has done that. I think I was so adamant about reading to the kids EVERY day, TWICE a day, that now they kind of just ignore me when I read to them, so I am lucky if I get to finish a book. But today, she seemed mesmerized by a book I have read a thousand times. I think I have said before that Landry is a LIAR!!! LOL Not reallly, she is just a typical sibling...she has gotten in the habit of fake crying and saying that Logan has done something to her in an effort to get my attention. I know what she's doing, I did it myself, so I always make a point to tell her that Logan didn't do anything and make her apologize. Then I give her some extra snuggle time. Well, today Logan has found a reprieve in Mark, because 4 times now Mark has apparently hurt her. LOL I did explain to both the kids that Baby Mark (that's what they call him) is in fact a baby and sometimes his movement are a little jerky, but that he doesn't mean to pull hair, or hit, so we have to be really sweet to him and give him a little break! It's almost 11 now, and guess what, he hasn't been crying since I started this...he is happily crawling around on the floor, and both Logan and Landry are down there with him! Landry is enthralled with all of Mark's toys, and Mark is enthralled with some of the big kid toys. Right now, he's kind of going ape shit over Landry's rug..I brought it down just for him...yeah - it's pink, but well, it has these things that are kind of like tags that babies just love, plus I washed it yesterday, so it's clean! LOL The biggest meltdown so far has been when Mark crawled over and wrapped himself in Landry's blanket (OHWEE)this was not good...she was not a happy camper! LOL Anyway, things are going smoothly and Amber should be picking him up areound 4 today. We just finished "DANCE TIME" which is when I put on Pandora and the kids and I run around like banshees dancing, it's 11:30 now, so Mark is eating and then we will try napping. Amber said he didn't have any trouble going to bed last night, so that makes feel good because I was feeling a little guilty about his short nap at 4 yesterday, luckily I didn't screw anything up! Speaking of feeling guilty...(UGHHH, side note - is this new blog thing irritating anyone else??? I can't make paragraphs...I mean, I hit the enter key, and it does it on the draft, but when I hit publish, it's just all one paragraph!! So annoying!) anyway, 90% of the time, I stop and get chocolate donuts for the kids on Tuesday's and Thursday's. SOMETIMES we will do it on the weekends, and pretty much every time we have company. The rest of the day's they eat cereal or yogurt with fruit. I, am not a breakfast person...never have been. Growing up, I usually had a coke for breakfast. My parents were not the kind to make breakfast for us, if we were hungry we were expected to make our own food, sadly this is kind of how it was for lunch and dinner. Make it yourself or go hungry was kind of the way it worked...unless it was 9:00 and dad hadn't eaten yet, then he would usually go get everyone dairy queen. I am pretty sure that for this reason, my little sister basically lived off of cereal for half of her life. She could go through a gallon of milk in a day, which is what led to her kidney stones. I don't drink milk, so it was never an issue for me. When I think about growing up this way, it makes me wonder how we survived. Don't get me wrong, we ate, it's just that we had fast food about 4 days a week, and went out to dinner at least twice...so it's not like we were completely on our own, its just that we usually went when mom or dad were hungry...let's just say it wasn't "stable". Like I said, breakfast for me usually consisted of coke or Dr. Pepper, then I would have another soda around 10 during the break at school and maybe a Caramello if I was hungry, lunch was usually another soda, a veggie tray (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and radishes with ranch dip, a caramello (dessert of course), then another soda before athletics, then another on the way home, and usually 3 or 4 more sodas throughout the evening. I didn't exactly have a well balanced diet. SOOOOOOOOO - back to the point of MY guilt...I feel guilty when I let my kids eat so much sugar. A little here and there doesn't bother me...I don't even feel bad about letting them eat some candy before dinner. In fact, I keep a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips in the pantry at all times...yes, I know they are for baking, but you do NOT want to be around me when I have a sweet tooth and no chocolate! Every once in a while, I will give the kids a few. Chocolate is just a important as grains...and honestly, how can you blame me for believing this? LOL I mentioned my mommy guilt to one of Logan's teacher's ( Mrs. Amy...I love her!!!), and she told me not to worry, that Logan brings the healthiest lunch out of all 18 kids in the class. Did I mention that I loved her??? She really is so sweet, and it made me think about what my kids do eat. Yeah, they eat some candy, and yeah, they eat donuts twice a week...but Logan eat's salad at lunch...just lettuce, usually spinach leaves, with dried cranberries, and usually some sort of cut up grilled meat (lemon pepper chicken, pork chops, sirloin steak, etc.) He either gets ranch dressing or a balsamic. Then he gets grapes, carrots, broccoli, strawberries (usually topped with some chocolate syrup...not a lot, but still - CHOCOLATE IS A STAPLE!!! and it's dessert!) string cheese, and some sort of whole grain (crackers, gold fish, granola, etc.) For dinner he usually eats what we eat which is usually grilled chicken, pork, or steak and a veggie or a salad as a side dish. The point is, I am always telling other mom's not to feel guilty about what they are doing, because the truth is - we do the best we can. Somedays are better than others, but all in all we do our best. Sure, we all look back and say, I should have done this or that...and sometimes, even when I am feeding my kids McDonalds chicken nuggets for the 3rd day in a row and I feel terrible, and I know I should just go to the damn grocery store so that I don't turn into my parents and my kids don't turn into 300 pound 4th graders, I am just too tired to do it, so I swallow the guilt while they merrily chew and swallow the deliciousness of fat. We are always harder on ourselves than anyone else would dream of being on us. I think that there are certain things that I don't want to repeat with my kids that my parents did to us. Eating is one of those things, so when I do slide and take the easiest, quickest route, I feel terrible guilt. I forget about the fact that 90% of the time they are eating a healthy well balanced diet, and all I can think is what a terrible job I am doing of keeping them healthy. Another thing that tops the list is discipline, I spent all my childhood...hell, even to this day, I walk on egg shells around my mom. I never want to set her off, and I don't want my kids to EVER feel that way about me. I don't let them get away with everything, but I do pick my battles, and while they are definitely spoiled, and can be complete brats sometimes...they are mostly well behaved, really sweet, really caring, and overall really GREAT kids. But when I am in a bad mood and I yell at them over something dumb, I feel terrible. I feel like I am repeating my mother's actions and reactions, and it scares the shit out of me. Then, in my terrible guilt, I over compensate, and tell them how sorry I am and then basically force them to cuddle with me! I am a total basket case, I know this...I guess, this week has been a little hard (and it's only Wednesday) because I feel guilty about Landry getting jealous of me holding another baby, I feel guilty for not holding Mark enough, I feel guilty about giving my kids donuts, I feel guilty about not getting outside and not enjoying the day, taking the kids to the park, or the pool or even playing in the sprinkler. But the truth is, it's hard doing it with all 3 and right now I am still trying to get the hang of it. ( Mark is asleep by the way incase you were wondering how I was able to have so much time to write this novel!) Logan and Landry are coloring Mother's day pictures for my mom and Carol. I guess I have to stop being so hard on myself. That's the moral of all this. We do the best we can, sometimes we make mistakes, but no one will ever love my kids as much as I do...and sometimes when I am going nuts, my love will just have to be enough, because I really am doing the best I can...and like I said - my kids are awesome, so I guess I am doing more things right than wrong!

Day 1

Hmmm...what to say about my day today. I have ingested an entire pot of coffee...so I guess I could start with that. I have a massive headache and honestly can't remember the last time it hurt so badly. Mark is a really sweet baby, he just cries...A LOT. Basically, if you aren't holding him, he's crying. He is totally enthralled with Logan. Unfortunately, Logan was gone from 9 - 2 today. I thought today would be such a great day to "ease" into this. I figured that with Logan gone for 5 hours...I would still only have two kids. I also thought that Amber would be picking Mark up around 2 (soon after we got home from getting Logan), but no, I was wrong about that too.Oh...I was soooo wrong. 1st, Amber had class after work...so she wont be picking up Mark until 6 - 6:30. 2nd, Logan is like a baby magician. Mark would actually sit in his exersaucer, or walker, or be on the floor while Logan entertained him. That lasted about an hour before Logan decided he wanted to play his DS...how could I deny him, when he had been such a big helper...(we have been limiting computer and DS time and trying to get him interested in using imagination). He played his game for about 20 minutes then conked out! I envy him. Landry entertained Mark for a bit, then decided she could fit in his walker...I went to the bathroom...Mark started screaming----he screams when you leave the room---I come out 2 minutes later to see Landry gliding around in Mark's walker! Ha By the time we left to pick up Logan at 1:45 she was totally over Mark! I will say, I have made remarkable process in the 10 hours and 45 minutes he has been here. When he got here, he wasn't much on holding his own bottle...we have quickly adjusted that! LOL Also, he isn't much of a sleeper. Apparently he takes a 20-30 minute nap around 9 and then a 45-1 hour nap around 1. Well, we left the house at 8:45, but he did fall asleep on the way home from dropping Logan off...he only slept about 30 minutes. I laid him down at noon, he slept until 1:30 when I got him up to get ready to get Logan. After eating and playing with Logan, and then me, and then crying for about 20 minutes because I refused to hold him (I wasn't being mean...I just hadn't eaten since 8 and it was 3:30...and with all the coffee, I was shaking - so I chose to eat, while Logan napped, Landry "read" some books and Mark cried). At 4 I laid him down...this was of course after I picked him up and loved on him. He cried for about 5 minutes then fell asleep. He woke up about 4:30, which was fine...I really didn't want to screw up his sleep schedule at night time, so it was good that he didn't sleep to long since he isn't used to it, but we are going to have to remedy that. I would rather him skip the 30 min. in the morning and 30 min. late in the afternoon for a 2.5 - 3 hour nap around noon. 2 things that Mark is really great at....other than crying...eating, and pooping. I have never seen a baby poop so much. I mean sure, when they are infants they poop quite a bit...but this is real human poop, and he went 5 times before 2:00. Then twice more by the time Amber came to get him at 6. Amber makes all his own baby food, which is really awesome, I always wanted to do that but never did because A)it was too much work, B)I was soooo freaking tired all the time, and C)I was too lazy! Anyway, I know all this may sound like I am complaining...okay, I am complaining - BUT it really was a pretty good day overall. Tomorrow Logan will be home all day, so we will see how that goes. I am pretty exhausted and I still need to cook dinner for my family. I guess I just forgot what its like to have a little one around. It's not terrible (even though I may have made it sound dire), it is however; very tiring. With all this said, I am still looking forward to tomorrow. I think by the end of the week he will be much more accustomed to not being held all day, and hopefully by next week he will be on a real sleeping pattern. The cat naps are okay...but he needs a real nap...I don't think its healthy for a 7 month old to sleep so little! LOL (I am joking here...he is perfectly healthy!)