Almost Over!

Well guys, the year is almost over! Hope everyone had a great Christmas...mine was more than interesting!

Christmas Day we got together with JR's family up at his sister Lacy's house...thank you Lacy and Troy by the way...it was really nice. Good food, good fun, great time. We got off to a late start so we ended up staying there longer than we had planned, but honestly I could have stayed longer! I love JR's family...I think I had one glass of wine too many, but I wasn't stumbling or anything, I wasn't even drunk..more like a good buzz! Anyway, I had a lot of fun over there. Afterwards we headed off to my Grandparents house...Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells....

The Luck Family Christmas!

Logan and Davin playing outside!

By the way have I mentioned that at this point I had only had 45 min. of sleep....and only 3 hours the night before? I guess that could be the reason that 3 glasses of wine almost did me in!
Jingle All The Way!

We got to my grandparents house to find that I apparently wasn't the only one that had been drinking that day! My older sister was HAMMERED...stumbling around slurring her words, could barely open her eyes, DRUNK!....Oh yea! My mom was horrified and embarrassed, my dad was his usual, and my little sister and I were just, well embarrassed as well. We did the exchanging of the gifts and that was fun...everyone like my gifts which was nice. Finally it was time to go home...My older sister, and her two kids came back to my house, as well as my mom, my little sister, and her boyfriend! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh! HEY!

After getting everyone settled in, I told everyone that I had to get some sleep so I went to bed...my older sister joined me! I woke up to go to work, and to my surprise my sister actually woke up to come with me....no one thought she would make it! "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells!"

The next day we headed back up to my grandparents to do the kids Christmas pictures....it was a disaster...granted their ages are 6, 3, and not quite 2, so getting a good picture was probably going to be difficult, but we thought surely with 2 cameras going we could get at least one....we thought wrong..."Jingle All The Way"







My mom hand made the kids outfits, and she was so proud of them. All she wanted was a good picture...it didn't happen, she got so mad she yelled at them...not my kid, but my neice and nephew. I have never seen her yell at them like that before, Randi was across the street and heard it so she came over, her and my mom exchanged words, mom went back to the house...."Oh what fun it is to ride"

I talked to Randi for a bit trying to calm her down, when it seemed I had achieved that goal I went to find my mom. I talked to her for a bit, let her vent, she started crying, I felt aweful...I hate being in a situation where there is not a damn thing I can do to fix things! I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her, what more could I do?

Have I mentioned that the minute we got to my grandparents Randi Beth started drinking?? "In A One Horse Open Sleigh"

Later we went to the dog track...it was much better this time, Randi Beth actually had fun, but I dont think my dad had too much fun, seeing as how he was stuck watching her kids most of the time, not to mention that he is a hardcore Baptist, and JR invited one of his friends from work who was also drunk and dropping the F bomb and GD just about every other word from his mouth. I was so uncomfortable! Anyway, the family left the next day, but not before playing on Logan's new Jeep power wheels!

Now you wonder why I started drinking over at the Luck family Christmas??? I knew what was to come....and trust me I needed to drink a lot more to handle my family! I love them so much, it is just very easy to get frustrated with them!

Oh also I left out the fact that my little sister has a Doberman...the thing is huge, and she decided to chew through all kinds of stuff while she was here....like I said, I hope everyone had a very MERRY Christmas!

Christmas!

So yesterday, I had some last minute Christmas shopping to do...which I still do! I also still haven't gotten Logan's picture with Santa, so I loaded up the kid and diaper bag and we headed to Bay Area....mistake #1. It took FOREVER to get up there, then we got there and it took FOREVER to find a parking spot. We shopped around for a while in what I call mall "HELL" It was a disaster, there were people everywhere...I really dont like Christmas...for many reasons. I stood in line for an hour waiting for Santa...then he went on break and wouldn't be back for another hour, so I said screw it, I wasn't going to wait any longer. We left there and I went to pick up Logans gift that we ordered last week....I was so excited, we got him a jeep power wheels... when we got home Logan was asleep, so JR started putting the jeep together hoping we could get it all done before he saw it....and it would have worked if Logan would have slept just 5 more minutes!!! So he saw the truck, and of course played on it, and had so much fun...until we took it away and put it in the garage until christmas morning! He screamed for quite some time, but finally got over it. It is kinda funny to hide it after he has already seen it, but I figure its still 2 days away, maybe he will forget and be surprised all over again. Here is a picture of Logan on the jeep...taken with my new camera!

I love the bow on his head! He is so adorable!

Taking Dezi Lu for a ride in the new Jeep!

So excited about his new Jeep!

I'm back

So you have probably all stopped even checking by now since it has been so long since I have blogged...sorry. It has been a combination of busy, busy alternating with lazy, lazy!
Not to mention that I have a pretty boring life. So lets get caught up, dont worry it shouldn't take to long.
November ended with Thanksgiving, obviously! It was aweful...but not really. Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday, not because of the food, although I love that too, but its that fact that my entire family gets together...aunts, uncle, cousins, grandparents...the whole she-bang. We are all there telling stories and updating the family on the past years experiences and plans for the future. I just love it! Well because of this little disaster that occured in September, also known as Ike, my grandparents moved to League City because their house had to be completely guttted. Thanksgiving is always at their house, but this year they decided to have it at a family friends house in Galveston....there were so many people, and my family only made up HALF....there was no intimate conversation, my uncle and his son weren't even there...it was aweful...they even had some stupid tart crap to replace cranberry sauce! Grrrr...
The day after Thanksgiving was my Dad's birthday so we took him to Gulf Greyhound to place some bets on the puppies...he loves to gamble! My older sister was pissed because she lost money...and if you know my sister, you know that if she isn't happy she will do everything possible to make every one else unhappy...misery loves company and all!
December seems to have gotten here quickly and it seems as though it is leaving just as quickly as it came. December 6 was JR's brothers wedding. Jason and Lisa finally got married and it was very nice...everything turned out really great, but I hope I dont go through what Lisa did...she changed her reception venue three days before the wedding, and everything came together at the last minute...dont get me wrong, it was very nice, I just hope I dont go through all that stress!
Last weekend was JR's Christmas party at work, so we went up to Houston...after the dinner was all over we dropped Logan off with Dana and went to Sherlocks in River oaks....and that was a freakin blast. JR and I dont get to go out very often so it was really nice. We both had a lot of fun.
This past week, I have done nothing but Christmas shopping and stressing about Christmas...my family will be here Christmas day, which ruins our original plans of going to JR's sisters house, we are hoping to be able to go over there for a little while, but his family will be upset that we wont be with them, my family will be pissed if we aren't with them....Grrrr......Hopefully I can talk my family into coming a little later in the afternoon....that way we can do Christmas in Houston with JR's family from 1-4 and do Christmas in League City with my family from 5-8. THat is seriously the best I can come up with, since both of the families decided to do things on Christmas Day! I guess we'll see!
I already got my Christmas gift from JR....a new camera...hopefully I will be able to put up some pics soon, but I just dont feel like it right now! JR is getting a surround system for the flat screen that we just about a couple of months ago, and Logan is getting a few things but the BIG gift is his Power Wheels! He has developed a obsession with cars and trucks...when JR walks through the door he pats him down trying to find the keys and then he wants to go sit in the truck to play. He knows which key goes in the ignition (Scary...but he cant turn it, and it doesn't go into gear unless your pressing on the brake...and he is ALWAYS supervised!) The other day Logan had the keys to the truck and he was running around, when we decided it was time to go inside JR and I couldn't find the keys....we were on our hands and knees in the grass looking for those damn keys....we finally found them, can you guess where they were? Oh yes, the were in the door...he apparently knows which key will unlock the door too!!! Anyway, so we got him a jeep power wheels that he can drive himself, and hopefully this will take away from the infatuation with mommy and daddy's cars! But it also means I will probably be sending most of my days outside watching him drive around...oh goody! At least this is a toy he can have and actually play with for the next few years...at least it better be considering the price!!!!
Well tomorrow is Monday, I have a ton of things to do tomorrow including cleaning and Christmas is on Thursday...JR works Christmas Eve day and the day after Christmas...I work Christmas Eve night, Christmas Day, and the day after...oh Goody!

ps....Nikki, Bella wanted me to tell you hello, and all the cats and fish miss you, but are doing well!

Who said, "Life was like a box of Chocolates?"

Chocolate is a tasty little treat. Everyone has their favorite type (excluding those who dont like chocolate, which is just weird!). But life.....NOT a box of chocolate! More like a rollercoaster, or gravel, bumpy road....these metaphors, I understand! There are these amazing moments that money could never buy, like the birth of a child, the giggles, the hugs and kisses, the love you get and give from family, and your partner....and so many more. Of course there are down sides to all of these, but nothing makes me smile like talking to my little sister on the phone, or listening to my son laugh.
Of all the things I could complain about, I just want to say how lucky I am to have the most beautiful little boy in the world. I have a wonderful family and the best friend ever.

Positive thinking!

been a while

Oh lord, where do I begin??? Well, JR somehow managed to put a virus on the computer, so that has been lots of fun!!! We finally set a date for the wedding....for real this time, JUNE 21. The deposit has been paid, contract has been signed. YEA. My job from home is in a crisis...there is no more work for me to do, at least not until the new year, so yeah...right in time for the holidays, so I am pretty much Scrooge this year. Let's see what else...Oh we have a new a President, which is super exciting. I dont want to get into politics, but yeah! Obama won!

I read a blog today and got so irritated with this person who shall remain nameless....Some people can be so smart, and yet so dumb, I just dont get it. Have you ever met someone who knows everything, except that they dont. What is so wrong with saying, I dont know! Or how about when giving someone advice you say, "There are many different ways to do ____________, but this is what works for me." That way you dont come across as such a freaking know it all bitch, especially when RESEARCH shows that your method isn't successful. I know that this probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but, thats because I can't use details! GRRR! I may have to start a new blog, just to bitch about this one person, and see if I am the only one who thinks he/she is completely condescending and annoying!

Life

So not much to report....except that the other night on my way home, I found a gas station where regular unleaded was 2.99....I couldn't believe it, too bad I filled up my tank earlier that day at a station that was 3.36....Damn. I could have saved 0.37 per gallon!
My mom is in League City helping my Grandparents get moved in to their new house, but I haven't really gotten to spend much time with her. Her cell phone charger was chewed up by my little sisters dog, and it finally stopped working. We were supposed to get together today to go buy her a new phone, but when I got to the house, she wasn't there. Turns out, she had to take my grandparents down to Galveston to meet with their insurance adjuster. That was at 2:00...it is 11:00 and I still haven't heard from her! Its frustrating but oh well...I am trying to let it go.
JR is back to his old spending habits...which we cant afford....but I am trying to let that go too!
I am trying to let a lot go right now, because I am too stressed out and overwhelmed. I changed my wedding colors from green to red white and blue...then had a vision last night....guess what, I want to keep the color green...now I just have to let everyone know! Great! I am so overwhelmed with the wedding and I feel like I am not doing things fast enough, and the longer I have to think about something, the more likely I am to change my mind about it...which is what is happening with the color situation. I just feel like I am not doing good. So I need to let some things go! I can only do so much and I cant keep berating myself, for things I can't do anything about! So, we will try the count to 10 method and see how it goes....one thing is for sure, I can't keep going like this!

Back at work

Well it has been a while since I have put up a post. There really isn't much going on and at the same time there is so much that I need to do that I am all kinds of stressed. I have been to Galveston twice this week, and things are still aweful. It is so sad, I went to my grandparents house on the first trip, and luckily they hired and moving company to come get all their furniture, then it was sent to some cleaning agency, where everything that could be cleaned was, some things had to be reupholstered and some was a total loss, but honestly they came out pretty well. Then they hired some people to go in and pull out all the carpet. When I go there mold had already begun to grow like crazy, so they will be hiring someone to go in and tear out the dry wall and then replace it.
I am back at work at the paper...I was working for two days, and I just couldn't get back into it so I took a couple more days off, and started thinking about the wedding and realized that I better get back into it fast if I am going to EVER get married! So now I am back at it! I am also trying to get a job as a debris removal monitor, which would allow me to quit the paper and make some extreme money. I was trying to figure out how I could do both, but honestly there is just no way...The debris removal job would be from 6:30am to 8:30pm....then I would have to do the paper from 1:15am to 4:30 am...it just wouldn't work, because I would still have to get my other job done, and at some point spend time with my family, and oh yeah....SLEEP!
Anyway that is just about all....but good news, I am no longer stressing about the wedding date, because I have a new plan!!!!! I will be calling the Garten Verein in Galveston every other day for now on until they open, at that point I will ask what they have available...do a quick discussion with JR and my parents....and then drive my happy ass down there and give my deposit that day! No more worries....I already have the money saved up, so now all I need is for them to open back up and BAM! another thing accomplished....I think things wil move much faster once we have a date set...here's hoping!
Hmmmm...oh my mom is bringing my grandparents down tomorrow to move into there new house in League City....so I guess I will be helping them. I gotta get some sleep somewhere, but I am honestly so excited to see my Nanny and Papa...I haven't gone this long without seeing them in a very long time....it has been almost a month!
Well thats about it!

Home Sweet Home

Sorry for taking so long to update, things have been busy, busy, busy around here. We finally got home on Monday which catapulted the beginning of the clean up...no not from IKE but from the disaster area we call home! The house was a mess, so I started cleaning up, which rolled over into Tuesday. Wednesday we had Nikki and Travis over for dinner and played Rock Band...oh did I mention that we spent an ungodly amount of money on a XBOX 360 and Rock Band???? Thursday JR went to pick up the new puppy....she is adorable. We named her Dezi...I call her Dezi Lu (my favorite show of all time "I Love Lucy"...Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball). Friday, was spent basically a lazy day. As was Saturday. Today I spent working all day trying to catch up on all the work that I am backed up on. I actually got a boat load done. Yeah!!! I really dont have much else to blog about...I actually had a bunch to say but its all gone now! Maybe tomorrow I will remember everything I was going to say!

On the Move AGAIN!

We are about to be on the move again. The people we are staying with (Ashley and Scott) are going out of town tomorrow, so we will once again be without a place to stay. We could go home, but there is still no power and I dont want Logan to be hot again! I guess we could ask to borrow there generator, but I would rather just stay with someone with power, rather than deal with all the generator stuff.
JR went and cleaned out the fridge and freezer the other day, although I forgot to remind him to leave the doors to the fridge and freezer open, so that it would breathe. So at some point we need to run home and open up the doors...JR did remember to open all the windows though, so that was good!
I feel almost like a homeless person with really good friends...we are living out of a suitcase going from one home to another...I am ready for that to be over. I have been calling our house phone everyday to see if it works...I figure that is a good indication that the power is on! I cant wait to be home in my own "environment". Logan is just now starting to adjust to where we are now, which is another reason I dont want to leave. But at the same time, he would do so much better at home. I just keep telling myself that it could be worse. I feel like we are just on this really random vacation
Dexter has had to stay outside, which has been hard on me, since he is an inside dog...I feel so badly for him. Also, we have had to put off getting my new puppy, because I dont want a little puppy to have to stay outside. Hopefully we will be getting her in the next couple of days.
I also haven't been working at the paper...for one, it takes about 45 minutes to get there then I have to do the route and not get home until 5 or later...but my headlights are still messing up and I dont want to come into someone else's house that late...or early however you want to look at it. I feel like it is kind of rude. I know I need to start back because we need the money, but I dont know what to do. Maybe if it was someone else...but it makes me uncomfortable to that with Scott and Ashley. Ashley told me today that it wouldn't bother them...but she also said that the dog isn't bothering them either..and I can tell that they are getting frustrated with Dexter. Hmmmm...I dont know what to do!

Still Evacuated!

We are not expected to get power back until at least next week sometime, Tuesday at the earlist...GRRRRR! This is frustrating, but I know that the electric company is doing the best they can during this time. I came back home yesterday after dropping my sister off in Huntsville. It added 2 hours to my trip, but it also gave me an excuse to leave. I dont know if anyone else feels this way, but when I am going to visit my family I am always so excited to see them...after about 2 1/2 days I am so ready to leave....then I end up crying when I leave. I know it sounds crazy, but thats me I guess. Anyway, my older sister gets on every last nerve that I have so I was really ready to leave. I came over to Scott and Ashley's (some friends of ours) and really lucked out, we only went without power for about 2 hours!!! So now here we are at Scott and Ashleys with power, which is really nice. When I first got here they were running on generator power, and had a window unit that they got from Ashley's parents.
Stores are starting to open up around here...there is still many places that are closed, but it is wonderful to see things being repaired so quickly.
Anyway, hopefully we will be getting home ASAP and starting back to our normal lives....I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends that were so gracious to us during this whole disaster!
Thank you Nikki, Travis, Mom (and family), Brittany and Carol for taking time and gas to come get JR, Scott and Ashley...you guys have been so great.

Devastation after Ike

It seems as though we were lucky enough to not get very much damage to our home...Our neighbors, Nikki and Travis went to La Marque to check out the damage and gave us the update. We still dont have power, but honestly I have Absolutely NOTHING to complain about. There is so much destruction and devastation in all the surrounding areas of where we live, it makes me so sad. I am so lucky and blessed that my family is all safe. My grandparents live in Galveston. They live on 69th street in a little subdivision across from Wal-Mart, there house took on about 4 feet of water, but luckily they evacuated so they are safe. It sucks about their home, but at least they are alive. My Aunts live out in Jamaica Beach and were actually very lucky, their house is actually somewhat okay...they live right on the canal, and there house is on stilts. Apparently the houses are built to where the garage can basically slip away, but the house will stay in place...that is what happened. Their garage, along with one of their cars, and all the landscaping washed away. Seriously though....their entire house which is all upstairs, is completely intact, so again its hard to complain. Again, it sucks to have to replace all that was lost, but in the grand scheme of things, they are also very lucky. We know several people that have lost everything and I couldn't imagine that, so my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone at this time.

DISAPPOINTMENT:
I have read a few blogs on abc or msnbc.....I cant really remember exactly which website, but it is supposed to be a place for people to go to share info about where they live and what damage is there...instead, people from all over have taken the opportunity to say how stupid Galvestonians are. I read one that said, "Great, now for the next week I get to listen to nothing but how people are still being rescued from their roofs, because they were too stupid to leave. I think its their fault for even moving to Galveston, which is the second dumbest place to live, right after New Orleans."
All I can say to that is that I am very disappointed...natural disasters occur all over the World...we have blizzards, avalanches, tornadoes, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, hurricanes, tsunamis, the list goes on....but basically no matter where you live, you may endure a natural disaster, and if it happens to you....I hope that no one sits there and talks about how stupid you are for choosing that place to live...I also hope that no one tells you about how inconvenienced they are to have to listen to it on the news. I wish that AMERICA could rally together, just as the victims of the hurricane seem to be doing, and try to help out. I am not asking anyone to be sympathetic, but at least be empathetic. I watch the news and think...God, he is 82 years old, WHY did he not evacuate...but I am still empathetic...and I am definitely sympathetic to everyone in the Houston area...hell, it extends further than that. My little sister lives in Huntsville and the storm was so strong, that even she is without power, and they say probably will be until the 29th. I just hope that everyone will realize that this is a horrible time in so many peoples lives, and that they will try to support us instead of critisizing.

Good luck and God Bless to everyone that Ike has touched!

More on IKE!

We finally decided to head out about 3 yesterday and come into Houston...as of right now we are over at my friend Dana's apartment but will be heading over to where Nikki and Travis are staying in a little while. They have a generator, and many other supplies that will be better for us, not to mention that they are in a two story, so if flooding does occur we can go upstairs.
I am EXREMELY scared and worried. My stomach is churning, although I am told that it will all be okay.....but level of okay will it be? Okay as in my family is all alive and well but we no longer have a home or any of our belongings? Okay as in, everything was fine other that there was a lot of rain!? Anyway, I guess we will just have to wait and see! GRRR I am wondering if Galveston will even still be there!

yIKEs!!!!!

I was just commenting on a friends blog when I realized how long my comment was becoming and just decided to blog it and let you all know what is going on. As I have mentioned before there is a hurricane out in the gulf, IKE, which has been pretty fickle (Nikki's word) about where it is going. It seems that everyone keeps saying that it has turned closer towards Galveston, but the truth is that it was always headed here, however, the scientist/meterologist thought that is would turn towards Corpus Christi or even further south because of this warm or cold current going through the gulf...well it didn't go that way, and right now the projected path is somewhere between Corpus and Galveston, meaning that we get the crappy side of it! YEA! They keep saying it could "turn" even closer to Galveston, but if you look at the pictures, Galveston is straight ahead of it!
Anyway, the major issue is whether or not to evacuate. I am very fortunate that I didn't have the horrible experience that many people did when we all evacuated for Rita a few years ago. I went to my parents house in Wimberley, and it usually takes about 4 hours to get there, and when we evacuated it took 4 hours....for some people it took over 20 hours to get to Dallas, one of my friends went to Austin and it took them 18 hours. The things is that it costs quite a bit of money to evacuate, so that sucks. Plus noone really wants to leave, unless they absolutely has too. Which there lies the question, is it absolutely necessary for us to leave. I have a 1 1/2 year old that I have to be responsible for, if there is a chance that we might lose power, I have to really think about what that would mean for Logan. I guess we could get an ice chest for his milk but I dont know what to do about the heat.
Another major issue is that JR does not want to leave at all...he is dead set on staying, and I dont want to leave without him. I dont have a cell phone, so I dont want to travel without him, plus it will be much harder to make the trip with Logan and no help! So JR and I are arguing about that...we decided to talk (discuss) what we would do tonight when he got home from work...the conversation went something like this
Me: Well I really think that if it continues to come this way, we should leave tomorrow
JR: I have to work tomorrow
M: Then we will leave after you get off work
JR: I really dont want to leave
Me: Well I dont want to have Logan here in case we lose power, and I really dont want to travel without you.
JR: I think you and Logan should go and I will stay, if there is going to be damage I would rather be here to see the damage, rather than be somewhere else and worry about it
Me: Why dont we wait until tomorrow to see what this thing is going to do before we get into an arguement over nothing
JR and I had decided at the beginning of the season that we would leave if we had a hurricane that reached a level 3 or higher, anything below a 3 and we would stay. Hurricane Ike is forecasted to become a level 4 by the time it hits landfall. I dont really want to spend the money to leave, but at the same time I would rather be safe than sorry. So I am going to check the latest update at 1:00 before I had to work, and I should be home around 5 in the morning, just in time for the next update and then I will know a little more, and I guess JR and I will have another discussion tomorrow afternoon...I jsut dont want to make the decision to late and sit through mounds of traffic.
Man....I also had a hair appointment for tomorrow...I haven't gotten my hair trimmed in 3 months...I finally make an appointment and now I may have to reschedule...I swear if it isn't one thing...its another!

Lalalalala

So I got my paycheck this morning and it was what I expected...actually it was a little messed up, but hopefully it will be fixed soon...either way, it was more than I had originally expected, so YEA! Work seems to be getting much easier...the actual work part of it, the needing the sleep part of it, i am still not used to.
This hurricane, IKE, out in the gulf cant seem to make up its mind, first it was headed straight for us, then it turned way south and we weren't even in the cone, now the cone is making a C shape and we are in the cone and the hurricane is heading to the north of Corpus Christi. I checked the storm pulse website before I left for work(1:15AM) and Ike was 819 miles away, when I got home this morning (4:45AM) it was 796 miles away from Galveston, and now (1:20PM) 716 miles from Galveston...basically it has travelled 100 miles in 12 hours.

Quick update

Okay I know you all are dying to know....but unfortunately I can not tell you what time the sun cam up on Sunday because I finished my paper rout at 5:30 thanks to the wonderful help of my fiance!!!!
It seems that Ike has turned and is going more towards the even further south of Texas and Mexico, although it still has to go over the last little strip of Cuba...I was hoping to get to use the hurricane as an excuse to visit my parents this weekend:( I have to give a 7 day notice at work in order to not be charged unless it is due to a natural disaster!
Not much going on...I am being lazy, and at the same time working working working. I tell myself everynight that I am going to get up and pick up around the house...it isn't anywhere near where it was and it would honestly take me about 10 minutes, but once I get up, I lay around wishing I was asleep, then I finally sit up once I have talked myself into the fact that I am not going to get to go back to sleep because Logan is playing. We read our book, I feed Dexter, I turn on the TV, open up the computer, stare at the screen thinking, "just 30 more minutes of sleep and I can function better." Then I finally start to work, and watch Logan...we play ball, and "bounce on mom" I work some more and carefully watch for the first sign of Logan rubbing his eyes, whining, or anything that might signify him being tired!!!!

Fun little FYI...Logan is calling his bottle "baba" which we have kind of always done, but he is actually asking for it now when he wants it!!! I bought him these cups with straws in them, so that he isn't only taking a bottle (bad for the teeth), which he seems to like. He has been drinking out of a straw for forever it seems like, I just never thought to actually get him real cups with straws. He never really took to the sippy cup, I mean he can drink out of it he just doesn't really seem to like it very much, so we sort of just skipped that whole stage, much like the binky, which I am so thankful for!

We are probably getting another dog...we'll know by Wednesday, which I guess is tomorrow...it's 5:00 in the morning right now so I guess that makes today Tuesday! I have mixed feelings about the dog....I want it so badly, and yet at the same time, do I really want to take on any extra responsibility???

Wednesday(tomorrow) is my first real paycheck from the paper!!! I am excited, although the money is already spent! oh well, the next paycheck is on the 24 (although that too is already spent)! On the Upside the one after that Oct. 10 hasn't been designated to any specific bill YET! Woo hoo!
Alright, goodnight everyone, or good morning, while most of you will be getting up shortly to get reasy for work (or already are), I am going to bed for the night, as I just got home form work 30 min. ago!!!

what to say...

Sorry, its been a few days...and I still dont have much to say. I think we are going to visit my mom and dad next weekend, yeah. My dad ordered Logan a special jersey. My dad is a football coach, so when he he ordered the team jersies he got Logan and my nephew one too!!! Way to cute, I cant wait to see them, and see my dad coach a game...Its been almost a year, since I got to watch one of my dad's games! That is about it...Sorry, its boring!

Sunshine!

Update...the sun came up at 6:12 on Sunday, which led to a bundle of questions for me, but I wont go into all that right now!
While the sun is still shining here, Louisiana is under water....I have family that live in Houma, LA and Sulphur, LA. Luckily they all evacuated, but sadly they may not have a home to go back to, and if they do it could take a while to repair it. I am praying that my family will be "the lucky ones" and not have too much damage, and while doing so, I feel a little selfish. While I hope that everyone will be lucky, it isn't really realistic.
Think good thoughts for all of Louisiana!
Sunday we had Travis' birthday party...it was a lot of fun. I told JR that he couldn't go play until the house was clean, so we finally got it all cleaned up, with the exception of laundry which we are still doing. I told myself not to let it get to me and I told myself and him that I wasn't going to help, but ultimately it got to me and I helped! Anyway, we went over to the Ward's house. I hung out until about 7:30 then went home and went to bed, and got up at midnight to get a few things done before I had to leave for work...JR and Logan were still next door! I feel like I kinda missed out on some interesting things that went on, but I am just happy that I got to actually hang out and celebrate. Nikki and Travis went all out, they got a keg, and had all kinds of food. I cant imagine how much they had to clean today though! Anyway it was a lot of fun! That is about all that happened this Labor day, working and partying! I get my first real paycheck for job #2 on the 10, so I am excited and nervous about how much it will be!

Not a lot to tell

So I didn't blog yesterday, but not much happened. Same old story, I had to get up early, I was tired. I went to Galveston to get my birth control shot...it wasn't as expensive as I thought, I guess they give discounts to people without insurance. Hmmm...went to my grandparents and they took me to lunch at El Patio. THen I rushed home for fear that I would fall asleep on the road. I was shaking uncontrollably, die to lack of sleep and too much caffeine! I thought I would be sick at any moment! Grrrr. I finally got Logan to take a nap with me, and felt much better after I woke up! Then I went over to Nikki and Travis' and had a glass of wine. Some friends of ours and theirs are visiting for Travis' birthday, so it was nice to see them.

Not much going on today...I have to work (job#1) then I have to go pre-slip (job#2) I need to start cleaning the house at some point, and we are supposed to be going to a friends boat party tonight, although we dont have a babysitter. Thats about as interesing as it gets...maybe something worth while will come along later...I'll let you know!

special apologies and problems

First, wanted to send a special apology to a very good friend. I mentioned that a good friend of mine sent me an email that was an actual blog that she reads about people that complain and this national movement to help people to stop complaining. Maybe because of the way I wrote it (I tend to be a little rough around the edges) it may have come across as though I were offended by the email. So just wanted to say...I took absolutely no offense to the email, and I am so sorry that it came across that way. To any of you readers I just want you to know, I support the movement in theory, I just wont be taking part of it, not because I dont think that it is a great idea, I truly believe that you can be a happier person if you took out the complaints in your day to day life, I just dont have the energy to make an effort to not complain. I bitch and moan, its who I am. Would I be better off if I didn't? ABSOLUTELY. I just dont want to stop. So again, apologies to my friend for not wording things better.

So, today's paper has a gigantic section for ads most likely due to the upcoming holiday. It was hard to roll, I didn't leave the warehouse until 3:35...GRRRR! I noticed while I was rolling that my left shoulder was a little sore, then when I went to throw my first paper my shoulder snapped and it was horrible...then I went to throw the second paper and as soon as I lifted my arm the was excrutiating pain all in my shoulder. My thought process went...OUCH, crap, what do I do, Shit, I have 237 more papers to throw. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.....which was quickly followed by tears and I cant do this, I cant do this, I cant do this. I did make it through my route, but it killed me and I had to go a little slower than ususal. I got home at 5:45 (random useless information - the sun is not up at 5:47 in the morning, but you would be surprised at the amount of vehicles on the road at 5:47 in the morning.) Logan didn't wake up when I walked through the door, which was awesome. Logan did wake up at 9:15 this morning...not awesome. I begged for him to go back to sleep, no go!

One thing that has really helped is that JR usually comes home for lunch and I sleep while he is home to watch Logan, unfortunately he hasn't been home for the last two days or on Monday. This is very irritating to me. So here is the thing. Several weeks ago I won tickets to a Kenny Chesney concert and to a Texans preseason football game....I did go to the concert because Keith Urban was also there, but I decided to give the tickets to JR because it just isn't realistic for me to go to the game (which is tonight) due to lack of sleep and having to go to work. Anyway, he called one of his friends to go with him and it turns out that his friend had tickets to see the Astros play this afternoon, so they decided to go to the Astros game during the day and the Texans tonight. He made these plans either yesterday or the day before, I honestly cant remember, but the thing is he is taking half a day off from work in order to do this....HELLO we have no money, okay the tickets were free, but we cant afford to be taking days off from work! Not to mention that I am seriously sleepy, so I dont understand why he couldn't come home to help me out with Logan instead of going to the Astros game....I mean seriously does he need to go to two games today? Why cant he help me, although I will say that he asked his mom to babysit tonight so that I can get some sleep. Anyway I guess it isn't that big of a deal except for the fact that I am in pain, I have a horrible headache, my shoulder is killing me, my wrist, fingers, and thumb are killing me and I am soooooo Tired. Oh well, at least he wont be asking to go do something anytime soon...well he better not!!!

Have a good day everyone...tomorrow is Friday, I know that is exciting for most of you, but not me, it means I am another day closer to the dreaded Sunday paper.....GRRRRRRRRR!!!

More Money, More Problems...MY ASS!

You know the saying, "More more, more problems" well I am pretty sure that is just bull shit! If I had more money, I wouldn't have half the problems I do now. JR's bank account is at 0.00 and still has a week before payday...I just used the last 5.00 in my bank account to get milk for Logan, and yes a chocolate bar as well....I need something to help me cope! Luckily, I got my paycheck today in the mail...remember that I get paid once a week for job #1...which is the only thing that has gotten JR and through many situations....so my paychecks aren't exactly huge....anyway got check today (230.00) I have a doctors appt. on Friday at 11:00 which will cost 108.35, the cable bill was due on the 21st (183.00), I need gas (51.00/per tank), gas bill (15.22), and we need money to live on for the next week (which is how long it will take to get JR's check and my next check!...Oh yeah, and I almost forgot that I have my 51.00 check from job#2 for my first 3 days of training!..Okay so even with the 51.00, my total amount I HAVE is 281.00 the total amount that I owe is roughly (I rounded) 360.00....Obviously, In my situation, more money would lead to less problems!!! So what to do....I will have to wait to pay the gas and the cable, my 51$ check will fill up my tank, and then the 230...I will use 108.35 for my shot and the rest we will have to use to get us through the week.....I sure hope thats enough, I guess it will have to be...OH SHIT! I also need diapers, okay, I can get a small package to get us through the week and then get a big box next week after payday.

Now the big question, once I get my first check from job#2 do I use it to get us out of our financial jam???? The whole reason I took this stupid job was to save for the wedding...I am supposed to be saving all the money from those paychecks for the wedding, not so that we can have more money to spend. If I use it to get out of the situation we are in, it will never be replaced. Solution: reevaluate on the 10th (payday) see what needs to be done and only use what needs to be used and save the rest...sounds reasonable, right!

I recently recieved an e-mail from a good friend of mine that was actually a blog written by one of her friends...the question was, "Are you a complainer?" the answer is ABSOLUTELY! I know that I wish that I didn't complain so much, but the truth is everyone has problems, and there are people out there who truly believe everything will work out...dont dwell....think good thoughts and good things will happen! Well I think that is all bull shit. I am an optimist, I do believe that things will get better, I know that we will work through this, I know that in a couple of years we will be laughing at many of the situations we are in today...hell we laugh about things from a couple of years ago now! I truly believe that life is a bumpy road, that some people have more bumps than others. But honestly trying to go through life without complaining??? What kind of life would that be...Some may believe it would lead to a much happier life...I dont think so (again just my opinion) What the hell would we all blog about, an update of our life....well if that was the case then here would be today's blog:

Woke up at around noon today (thank you Logan)
Worked on the computer and caught up on some soap operas
Played with Logan...Logan was super sweet and gave me lots of kisses, and asked for hugs
(obviously I cant tell you about any of the things that he did that drove me nuts!)
I could tell you about how he got in trouble and had 1 time out for climbing on the dining room table. (It's a fact, not a complaint)
I ate hot pockets for lunch
Spent the next hour and a half with Logan, we tried to go outside, but the mosquitos were so bad we had to come inside (again, that is a fact not a complaint)
Logan and I took a nap...him from 4:00 - 5:45....mine from 4:30 - 8:15
Went to the store for milk
Blogged
(the rest of the night/morning) I will continue to watch TV....get some work done, put Logan to bed at 12:30am leave for work at 1:00am get home around 5:00 or later, depending on the paper and how much time it takes for the truck to get there, then how much time it take to roll, and then how much time it takes to deliver. Come home go to sleep, and pray I get to sleep until noon again! Woo Hoo
Now that would make for something interesting...NO

Blogging is nothing for me if not my own personal therapy session, without having to pay the $175 per session (and that was with insurance and four years ago, so who knows how much it costs these day). If any of you have noticed, I have started blogging a lot more lately, and I have found that the level of my anger and the rollercoaster of emotions has calmed and somewhat leveled out...so I think my therapy is working....and just to let you know I will continue to complain, but to all of you out there who want to buy the bracelet and try not to complain for 21 days straight...MORE POWER TO YOU! I think it is an awesome idea, I really do...Its just not for me...plus, why do you need to BUY a wristband to remind yourself not to complain....How about you just take an everyday rubberband and use it....The idea is that you wear it on your wrist and every time you complain you switch the rubberband to the other wrist and you are supposed to go 21 days without a complaint.

Damn Bugs

Once again I had so many interesting things to blog about last night (this morning) and now that I have slept, I dont remember any of them. Maybe it will come to me later once the fog in my head clears up. I have been up for several hours and yet I dont feel as though I am completely awake yet!
I live in a town on the Gulf of Mexico, In Texas, and due to the recent rains, all the mosquitos have now hatched and are swarming. They are seriously everywhere. My poor little boy is covered in bites, he looks like he has the chicken pox, but they are just bug bites. We bought a bottle of OFF on Sunday...its Wednesday and we are going to need a new bottle by this weekend! The bugs are so bad that even after smothering ourselves in OFF they are still biting....I wish they made some Extra Strength Off!
I have a doctor's appt. on Friday...Bring on Depo, of course I will be paying full price for the shot due to the fact that my insurance is gone:( Waaaaa. I have come to the conclusion that the reason it is so effective is because it takes away all sex drive! TMI I know....anyone else have this problem??
Logan has a plastic fork in his hand, he is trying to feed dexter with the fork! Hahahaha!

Funny Things Logan has done today:
Trying to feed Dexter with a plastic fork
Repeatedly said Mama, no matter how many times I asked what he wanted
Got mad at my heels because they obviously weren't doing what they were supposed to
Randomly ran over to me to give me a kiss
Jumped on the couch and pounded his chest making ape noises

I am sure that there will be so much more in the next hour but "that'll do pig, that'll do" (quote from the movie Babe)

Snickollet

Okay, please excuse this blog, it is basically designed for one person. I have been reading this women's blog for almost a week now, and it has basically consumed my life. I know that sounds a little crazy, and it is a little crazy, but I am one of those people who doesn't like to start a TV series halfway through, because I feel like I missed out on vital information. Well this obviously carried over to blogs. So I started it from her very first post and have read all about her life for the past three years. We have a lot in common, granted the universe has thrown her so many more obstacles than it has me. And after reading her story, it certainly puts a new view on the phrase that life isn't fair. However, she is also very blessed in that she has two beautiful kids, and from what I can tell she has lots of friends and very good family to help her when she needs it.
Here are a few things we have in common:
We are both mothers
We both love to read
She has my dream job (I've always wanted to be an editor)
She lives in my favorite town in the US (Boston)
She often does things and then feels especially guilty (mostly pertaining to her kids)
She is a jeans and T-shirt/sweater, no make-up wearing kind of girl
She doesn't really like dogs, but has said the only kind she likes are daschunds....me too, and I have one, although I too hate to be licked
She loves American Idol
She started watching so you think you can dance

THere are honestly so many more things, but I will have to go back to remember some of them, we also have a lot of things that are very different, but all I know is I thouroughly enjoy reading her blog and hope that she will begin to read mine as well!

Work?

I know I have been complaining about work lately, and being sleepy and all, but I am getting very frustrated with work (Job#1). I work for the same educational foundation as my mom and she just recently took some time off so that she could take my little sister to Hunstville and get her all settled in her new apartment. Well today is Tuesday and I still dont have any work to do because she is behind and hasn't sent me the work I need to do. See my work is in direct correlation with her work. She is in charge of certain things per chapter and I am in charge of certain things per chapter...the thing that sucks is that I can not complete my tasks until hers are finished. See the problem?

Job #2 has been going much better, I am still learning how to stay awake during the day, but I have learned some tricks:
1. Never go on the route without some sort of snack in the car....for some reason my blood sugar levels will drop dramatically at the drop of a hat, which makes me feel like I will vomit at any moment.
2. Always bring something to drink...water, green tea, red bull, 5 hour energy...although you shouldn't drink the energy drinks halfway through the route...those are strictly to be used as you are arriving at the warehouse!
3. Because there are no stores open or even available at my route....bringing a bit of toilet paper isn't a bad idea!
4. An Ipod does wonders while at the warehouse! Rolling the papers in a non-air conditioned warehouse, full of mosquitos, and no one to talk to can be extremely boring, thus slowing you down and making you even more sleepy!
5. Bring OFF! Mosquitos are horrible, and I cant afford to get West Nile....I am paranoid about West Nile because my mom's best friend got it two years ago and her immune system is still lacking!

Unrelated...I am searching for health insurance right now, I am ashamed to say that I have gone without for 2 months now... I have never gone without health insurance before, because my parents have always made sure that I have had it. I have no idea what I am doing, these people are trying to expain this to me and I dont know what they are talking about...deductibles, co-pays, contracted rates....This is the one time in my life that I would like for them to speak to me like I am a child....go very slow, and explain in detail! Not to mention that I talked to two companies that do the underwriting for insurance companies...they both reccommended the same insurance company to me...except on person told me that I could not continue to be covered for my birth control, but that for an extra 12.56 per month I can get maternity coverage...for Logan and I it will be about 200.00 per month. THe other person tells me it will be 162.00 per month, it will still cover my birth control and I can add Maternity but he reccomends waiting until I actually need it because it will be an extra 200.00 per month. Now, if this is the same insurance company, why am I being told two different things??? Both recommend that I do the contracted rate plan, which means that I will not have a co-pay...when I go to the doctor, I give my insurance card and they bill the insurance company...then a couple of weeks later, the insurance company bills me what they pay which according to the people on the phone shouldn't be more than 50$. Which isn't bad since I may only go to the doctor twice a year...but what about Logan, and his immunizations? I go to the doctor every three months for my shot...what if it really doesn't cover my shot? HOw can I be sure until I am there at the doctors office ready to get it and the receptionist says, "oh, you insurance doesn't cover this" then what the hell do I do? This is very frustrating!

Double jointed!

I remember something that I was going to blog about....just a random thought while I was driving home this morning. I was thinking about arthritis, and how bad it is in my hips and knees, and how much worse it will get as time goes by, seeing as how I am only 25! I am convinced that I must have arthritis in hands as well, due to all the pain and stiffness. Then it hit me, I wonder is being double-jointed has anything to do with my arthritis, I am double jointed in my fingers and hips, although I dont think I am double-jointed in my knees, although they can turn in odd ways and they pop often! Anyway, one may have nothing to do with the other, it was just a random thought!

See it is interesting, raises some questions...okay so maybe its only interesting to me! But at 5:00 in the morning when you have been at work since 1:00 and up since way before that, there are many things that seem very interesting.

Did you know that it is starting to get dark earlier and the sun is coming up earlier in the morning. On Sunday, The sun started to come up at 6:12 and last Sunday the sun didn't start to come up 6:21. Interesting? I think so...cant wait until next Sunday! hehehehee

Do you think that its odd that my earlier post was about finding sanity?

Finding Sanity?

Last night was supposed to be the "easy" paper! It is only 2 sections, doesnt take very long to roll, and is very light weight! Everything was going fine until I put the papers in my car to start out on my route....dum dum dum! First, let me just say this, the sunday paper I stack to the ceiling in my front seat and throughout my entire backseat, again to the roof of my car, then I open my trunk and fill up about3/4 of the space! ON Monday's paper, they can all fit in my front seat! Are you getting an idea of how big the Sunday paper is?? Are you getting an idea of how small the Monday paper is? Okay so, I head out on the route, and the first turn I make out of the warehouse the papers start sliding, they are falling in my lap, sliding into the floorboard at my feet....this is not good. THen I finally start throwing the paper, and I guess I was so preoccupied trying to get the paper to stop sliding that I skipped a page on the route book and it took me an entire block of houses later to realize, "hey I dont remember throwing to that house!" So I turned around and had to drive through the route to make sure the correct houses had papers...I also had to get out of my car and pick up the papers that wer thrown to the wrong houses....It was a disaster! Anyway, I am sure I will be getting some complaints, which sucks because that is just money that is taken out of my check. I am starting to really wonder what this first paycheck is going to look like, but I dont think that it will be pretty, and even worse I am worried that I will see the paycheck and decide it isn't worth all the sleeplessness! I guess we'll see!

I write these really interesting blogs everyday, the problem is that I write them in my head...more like thinking about what I will blog about. I do it on my way to and from work. I do it before I am going to sleep, but when I am actually in front of the computer, I cant remember what it is that I was thinking. It really sucks! I really need to find some sanity!
JR has been working on the house, that has been wonderful, and although it is still not clean I dont even care all that much for the simple fact that he is doing something.

I was ready to write about how I am doing so much better, especially with my patience and Logan, and yet during this blog, He has knocked stuff down from the counter in the kitchen...in which he got a stern, "stay out of the kitchen, and dont touch the counter," he tried pulling the computer from me while I was typing. He grapped Dexter by the ears and started pulling, in which I smacked him on the hand for. He picked up his wipee box and threw it at me. He decided that he could sit in my lap while I was trying to type, and now he keeps kicking the computer while he is laying next to me!!! He is driving me crazy! Please, does anyone know where I can pick up a bottle of sanity? Well, I really must go, with all these actions, I think what my son is really trying to say is "Mommy, please come play with me" So Iam off to read a book and play with some toys! Maybe that is where I will find my sanity!

Another Day Another Dollar

I have successfully made it through my second Sunday paper! JR and Logan came to the warehouse with me last night to help me preslip and roll all my Sunday papers. It was so great and it cut about an hour off my time! Yea! I got home at 6:30 this morning, and last sunday it was almost 8! I am waiting for JR to go to the store...we are all out of tylenol, and I seriously need some, actually, I told I need some Aleve. I think I have arthritis in my hands. I wake up every morning(afternoon) with stiff, painful fingers. The past couple days has been aweful, I can barely move my thumb on my right hand. It hurts very bad!
My anger has subsided...I am pretty sure I was having a terrible day, sorry to put you all through that! I still have my moments. We all do, although I dont feel the need to put my head through a wall! I have started telling myself all the cliche things over and over, "I will get through this," "It could be worse," "I can do this," "Think about your wedding" (Okay, that one is all mine, but it is motivation enough to keep on truckin')
On Friday, Dana, Nikki, Brittany, and I all went to Davids Bridal so that they could try on their bridesmaids dresses. They are so cute I love them, and I am glad that they all liked them. I am planning on going home at some point so that I can take my sister and get her to try on the dress along with getting her size. THen I also have to go to Huntsville to get my little sister to try it on and get her size. At some point I need to meet up with Lacy to get her to try it on and get her size!!! I am hoping to get all the dresses ordered on the day that I go pick up mine (Sept. 21) that way all the dress arrive on the same day! Afterwards, we went to dinner and had a few margaritas...I think that it was exactly what I needed, because afterwards I felt much better and not nearly as bitchy...of course it could have been the margarita!

Anger Management

I am finding myself increasingly angry all the time. I take it out on the two people I love the most in the world and it just isn't fair. I seem to be constantly yelling, and I have so much anger built up that I just want to hit something...I mean literally punch the freakin wall. A little bit of backstory for those who haven't followed:
A little over 3 months ago I got engaged...and I couldn't be happier. Things were going along as they should be, of course we had bumps, but everything going in the right direction. In all the excitement I of course started to plan the wedding. In July, we went to visit my parents and upon telling my mother the plans, she quickly made it clear that she hated the plans we had made and that she would not be paying for anything other than a small family gathering, ceremony only, no reception, no food, no dance, no etc. So in order for JR and I to have the wedding that we want to have, we realized we would be paying for it ourselves. This might not be such a big problem except for the fact that we have pretty much always lived paycheck to paycheck. Not too much money left over for savings....and now that we have picked up new bills and a 300$ increase in the electric bill, the paychecks dont seem to be reaching the next paycheck. So in order to actually be able to save up money, I decided to get a second job....which is basically where all the anger is coming from.
I have started a job with the houston chronicle, basically a lame as paper route! I had a few options to choose from, but this one seemed to have the most perks with the least amount of downside. On the upside, I have an extra income so that I can save up for the wedding. I dont have to pay for child care due to the hours. On the downside, the hours are from 1:00AM until about 6:00AM, except on Sunday when I dont get home until 7:30 or 8:00. You get charged for every complaint you get, including those that are weather related, such as getting a wet paper! I am completely exhausted, I have had to change everyones schedule, and I always feel like shit. As I continue to do this job, I find a new downside almost daily!!!
It has been suggested to just get a normal 9-5 job. Obviously we put a lot of thought into our decision, and the idea of a 9-5 is great in theory. This is why it wont work...the point of the second job is to save money, now while have a full time job may have benefits such as insurance and things of this nature, the biggest problem is that I would have to put Logan in daycare. This means that I would have to find a job that would pay a substantial amount, in order to pay for the childcare and still have enough to save. It was also suggested that I could work at a daycare, that way Logan would be with me, I would get a discount on the daycare cost, and still be making money...great idea!!! Why that wont work, there are a number of reasons, but the top one is that I have worked at a daycare before, and although I was younger and didn't have a child of my own yet...it wan't that long ago, and I honest to God could not handle it! It would be one thing to watch another child or two here at the house with Logan, but I know for a fact that I can NOT work at a daycare and stay somewhat sane!
Because of this new job, I have found myself angry and resentful to just about everything and everyone around me. I sleep as much as I can during the day and then the rest of the day I live off of Red Bull and 5hour energy drinks. I usually take a nap during the day after JR gets home...actually it usually starts about an hour before he gets home and goes on for an hour after he gets home...the trick is getting Logan to nap with me and not wake up until after JR gets home. I usually get to work with job #1 after my nap and then allow myself to take an hour break before I leave at 1:00 for job #2. I get home somewhere between 5:30 and 6:15 on average and go to bed. We have changed Logans sleeping pattern so that he stays up until 12:30, therefore, on a good day, he sleeps until 11:00, but mostly about 10:30. Then I get up and play and read to him and go back to job #1. Then around 3:30/ 4:00 we take our nap and it all starts over...
This was going great for the first 4 days, then complete exaustion set in. I cant even seem to keep my eyes open. All I want to do is sleep, and I am incredibly cranky. In the last couple of days anger has taken over. I find myself yelling at Logan, yelling at JR, and then feeling completely guilty about it and then angry with myself for my inexcusable behavior. With all that emotion comes the incredible unstableness of the fear of being such a horrible mother and the sadness of how horrible I feel all the time. I cried all the way to work last night for no other reason except for the fact that I was so angry and had no one to yell at, and so disgusted with myself for the way I had acted all day long not only to JR but to Logan. I yelled at him for stupid stuff, I was mad because I wasn't getting enough work done for job #1. I was mad because my house is a wreck, I asked JR almost two weeks ago to help clean up, I thought that he see that I dont have a lot of time or energy to do the cleaning and he would step up and help out. I was WRONG! And that pisses me off. Back to asking him to clean... Tuesday I tell him I am geting frustrated with the house...Thursday (nothing has been done) I get upset, I raise my voice, and let him know he needs to clean when he gets home. Friday, he goes to his nephew's birthday party.Sunday...still hasn't done ANYTHING, I say....okay, I have gone from frustrated to upset-to pissed. I have tried to be patient, I have learned that JR doesn't like to be forced to do anything, I have learned that if I ask and just wait patiently, he will usually do it on his own time. So Sunday, he is now sick and cant possibly clean while sick! The following Tuesday is now here, and finally I say, "You dont have to clean the whole house, just please get something done. It has been a week since I asked you to help out and you haven't done a damn thing" Then as horrible as it sounds I give the ultimatum...."Either show me some sort of progress, I will take Logan and we will go somewhere and not come home until its clean" Now I wasn't threatening to Leave him as in break up, just go away until he gets it clean. So that night he does the dishes and goes to bed....WOW! He says he will do the rest the next day....Today is now Friday, and not one damn thing has been done, other than the dishes he did on Tuesday, which have been quickly replaced by a new load of dishes!
See people on the outside think that I am soooooo hot tempered and I just so mean Blah Blah Blah GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! THe truth is that I feel like I put up with a lot of fucking bull shit and I do my best to deal with it but seriously.....a week and a half of asking someone to help out and all they do is some dishes. I am seriously ready to scream, and as I sit here typing I am crying...why???? Because I am going fucking crazy!
I find myself wishing all day long that Logan would just sleep all day so that I can get other things acoomplished...WTF! What kind of mother am I? I cant believe I am even admitting this. I resent everything right now...I resent JR for needing to take naps on the weekends, because he is just so tired!
I resent JR for not helping out
I resent JR for not being more understanding
I resent JR for not being the one to get a second job
I resent my parents for not paying for my wedding
I resent my sister for being a fucking retard
I resent my sister for having so much drama in her life that my parents are too preoccupied with her to give me just a little bit of time (I know its selfish...I DONT EFFIN CARE)
I resent Logan for being so much work
I am angry at myself for not being better
I am angry at myself for not being more patient
I am angry at myself for not being more understanding
I am angry at the world for not being more fair
I am angry
I am angry
I am angry

Now to allow myself to calm down a little
I am so lucky to have a little boy who is beautiful, healthy, and for the most part very easy
I am so lucky to have JR, because I dont think I could be a single mom
I am so lucky to be so incredibly loved by JR even when I am being a complete bitch
I am so lucky to have friends and family
I am lucky to be alive

My mantra....for today at least....I will get through this, I will get through this, I will get through this!

Working hard for the money!

It is 12:19 in the morning, and I am trying to get geared up to go to work! Grrrr! I literally just signed out for job#1 so that I could mentally prepare myself for job#2. This morning will be the end of my first week with the second job! It is really difficult, I am throwing the houston chronicle...seven days a week! I ihave to be there by 1:30 in the morning and I haven't been getting home until around 6:00am. Saturday was my first day to go out on my own, and I didnt get home until 7:00am. Then even worse the Sunday paper, which is gigantic, I didn't get home until 8 am! so I did a lot of sleeping today. I really hate that I am having to work this job, because of the fact that it makes me miserable, I am constantly tired and cranky, but I dont really have a choice because I have to have some sort of money in order to pay for the wedding! Anyway, I am glad to finally have one week down...and I am looking forward to March when I get to stop doing it! Well unless we get married in June or July and then I guess I wont be able to quit until May or June. One way or another, I will get the wedding paid for even if I am a zombie walking down the aisle!!! That is really all that is new in the world of Sara...Eat...Sleep...work..sleep...play with Logan....eat....work.....play with Logan....sleep......work....play with Logan.....eat.....work.....sleep.....and it goes on and on and on!

Blink...a month goes by!

It has been a month since I have written a blog, several people have commented on the fact that they continuosly check my blog, only to find nothing new. So, lets see...in the past month Logan has gotten 5 new teeth, which puts him at the lucky number 13! I bought my wedding dress! We had a tropical storm...more important we had a hurricane party in which we made hurricanes, and a bundle of us got together and drank way to much. My mom and I still aren't on the same page about the wedding. I am still looking for a venue for the wedding and still haven't set a date. Dana (maid of honor) and I went into Houston yesterday to put on bridesmaids dress and I think we have found the one...problem there is that the dress isn't made in the color that I had chosen. So I may need to change the color now. I am hoping that the dress will look good on all the other bridesmaids, but we shall soon see! I love my dress, and cant wait until it comes in! YEA!

I talked to my mom the other day and for the first time she brought up the wedding along with an idea! The idea is way outside the box, and if she wouldn't have told me from the beginning that is was off the wall, I would have thought it was a joke. Her idea was that we could get married in a gazebo in San Marcos (the next town over from where my parents live). It is really pretty and in this gorgeous park....everything good so far. After the ceremony, "If I am still wanting to do food, we could do hamburgers and hotdogs." Turning south at this moment....hamburgers and hotdogs...good for a picnic, good for a birthday party, good for a family reunion, NOT so good for a wedding. "Then for fun, everyone can go float the river....headed further south! But here's the kicker...."your bridesmaids can wear the little animal floaties that go around the waist, and the groomsmen can wear flippers and snorkels" now we are so far south that we are on the verge of the loony bin.
Now, one the one side, she has lost her freaking mind, on the other side, at least she is thinking about it....now if I could just get her to think more on the traditional side!

Today has been quite an adventure, I woke up because Logan woke me up, but I was extremely tired. I reluctantly got out of bed, fed Dexter as usual and went about my morning routine. Took Dexter outside for bathroom duty. He was perfectly fine, did his business, played and ran around. Business as usual, so far! After we came inside I hear a wierd noise, so I get up to check it out, and find a giant pile of vomit...Grrr! I went to get the cleaning stuff, start cleaning, and see another pile of vomit. I start gagging over and over. Iget it all cleaned in the living room and go looking for Dexter, who I know is hiding under the bed...its kind of his safe place. There is yet another pile in the bedroom...I start cleaning that. Dexter come out form under the bed throws up again....which was too much for me, because at that moment I vomit...I throw a towel over the vomit and run to the bathroom. I went back into the bedroom because I heard Dexter barking and Logan crying...I cant see either one of them, so I look under the bed and see Logan's little feet, so I drag him out, and of course, he had doggie vomit all over him. I draw the bath water, and give him a thorough cleaning. Finally, we took a nap. When we got up, I still felt horribly tired, but I had no choice, I had to get up. To top everything off, about a week ago, Dexter chew my computer cord, and JR had to rig it up so that it would still charge the computer....It has been fine until today when Logan grabbed part of the cord and it started sparking...it doesn't send out a shock or anything...I checked...Yes, I put my fingers directly on it and made it spark. So now I have to get that fixed grrrrr.....and to make matters worse, now the damn thing wont continue to charge. So I hope JR can fix it by tonight, because I only have an hour and 52 minutes left before the computer dies!

Needless to say, I am looking forward to the weekend!

Stressed Again

The last blog I wrote was before we went to my parents house for the fourth of July. JR and I got to do everything we wanted to do and had a lot of fun. We left here about 2:00 on Thurdsay and drove straight to Round Rock to watch the AAA baseball game, I got a little tipsy but it was so much fun! My dad met us there which was really nice to get to spend some time with him. We didn't get back to my parents house until after midnight and Logan woke up the next day at 7:30...Grrrr.

On Friday we sat around waiting for the rest of the family to wake up, the JR and I got dressed up to go get engagement pictures taken down by the river. They turned out really nice, so I am happy about that. Afterwards we went home to change and the two of us went golfing! I actually did really well for my first time...at least I think so. I didn't want to be there for forever, so I only played the last nine holes and JR shot a 96 which he was happy with. My dad made steaks for dinner and that was pretty much all we did for the fourth!

On Saturday we waited around the house for my sister and another girl to get off work so that we could all go float the river. We didn't get out there until 3:30 and the minute we got in the water it started raining!!!! Of course the minute we got out of the river it stopped raining. Even though it rained the whoe time JR and I actually had a lot of fun, and my mom got to go with us which was really cool because she isn't really in to doing things like that.

Sunday we drove home, rested for a bit and then went over to Nikki and Travis' house to play a game of cards...JR won!

Basically it was a really awesome weekend, except for one thing. My mom pulled me outside to "talk" and basically told me that I need to start all over with the wedding plans. She pretty much picked apart everything we have already planned. I know that sounds bad, and trust me it was...however, I really think she just went about it the wrong way. I think the point she was trying to make was that she wants me to have a really nice wedding and a very special day and she wants us to have fun and have everything that we really want, but they just dont have a whole lot of money to spend for the occassion. Instead she just told everything was wrong and bad and horrible, and I needed to just start over!

The original date we had set was July 11, 2009...this is the best time to have it and not conflict with a whole lot of poeples schedules...she said it was too long to be engaged to someone I have already lived with for 2 1/2 years and have a child with. So we tried to change it to March 14, which is my Dad's spring break (he's a high school football coach, so basically the end of July through December is out) but Vanessa, my sister and in college, has her spring break from the 20 - 29. So we thought maybe the 21st of March...nope...our son's birthday is the 23 and we dont want to miss that. Then we thought okay maybe Jan. 10, Vanessa doesn't start classes until the 13th from Christmas break, but she goes to school in Arkansas and she does the filming for the football team there, so she may have to go back early. So now we are at March 28, which will kind of suck for Vanessa because she will have to leave the day after the wedding and drive 12 hours to get back to school before classes start on Monday! Basically, we have no idea! This is a problem because...IF I ever find a venue for the wedding, in order to book the venue I will need to know what date to book it for!

I spent all day yesterday looking at more venues and will be doing some "go sees" tomorrow, so hopefully I will find the place I want tomorrow, send some pictures to my mom, she will agree with the place and the price and help me with a date that doesn't conflict with all their schedules....I am seriously starting to think I am just going to keep July 11, and say screw them if they dont like it. I mean the other thing I have to think about is if I have it March 28...It might be fine for Vanessa and my Dad, but what about all the other family I have that has kids in school??? That might not be their spring break, and who wants to spend money going on a vacation for spring break only to get back and then go out of town again? Then again they will all know months in advance when the date is, so they should be able to figure something out or save a little extra for trip out of town for my wedding!

The good thing about the March date is that it is right after income tax returns, so we will be able to use some of that money on the honeymoon....if we wait until July, there is a good chance we will have spent it by then!

Got any ideas or advice??? Please let me know!!!

On the road again!

I feel like I am just now back to normal after our Corpus trip, and now we are leaving tomorrow for Wimberley (outside of San Marcos) to visit my parents and sisters. JR and I have a lot planned, we are going to a Round Rock Express (Astros minor league team) tomorrow night, Friday we are taking some engagement pictures, and apparently going golfing since my sisters work at the golf course, and we just cant skip an opportunity for cheap golf! Friday night we will be doing fire works...HAPPY 4th EVERYONE!! Saturday, we are floating the river, yea! And, finally, Sunday we will be heading back home! Somehow, I am determined to fit some sleep in there too!

Corpus Christi was great, JR and I have never been and were both surprised at how nice it was...much better than Galveston. We stayed at the Embassy Suites and decided that anytime we ever had to stay at a hotel, it would definitely be the Embassy Suites!! They had free breakfast every morning...and I mean the good stuff, not just the crappy bagel. There were omlets, eggs, sausage, bacon, cereal, fruit, potatoes. It was really nice. THe best part, was that they have free happy hour from 5:30 to 7:30 for all their guests and there is no limit on how many drinks you get. My dad and JR got some extra bonding time together since they stayed at happy hour almost the whole time drinking Jim Beam and coke! My cousin was actually surprised which was nice that no one spoiled it for him. I was a little sad that my family was the only family that went, well other than his parents and our grandmother. It was a good trip, my mom and I only got into one argument and it happened about 5 minutes before we left, so that was a good thing I guess.

We have so much to do tomorrow, I have to mow the lawn, JR needs a haircut, we need to get the house cleaned up, do laundry and pack! Grrr...it would have been nice to do some of that tonight, so that we weren't running around like crazy people tomorrow, but once again, JR came home from work and chose to be on the computer all night watching his fantasy baseball...I cant wait until baseball is over....maybe I can have my fiance back!!!

Corpus Christi, here we come!!

Working out is going well, JR and I both went last night after dinner. We ate at 6:30 and didn't start to workout until 8:00. JR didn't have any problem, but me on the other hand, got heart burn or acid reflux (I've been told they are the same thing), whatever it was. It really sucked I thought I was going to vomit, except that my throat was on fire...I could never be bolimic thats for sure.

We are going to Corpus Christi this weekend for my cousins 30th birthday! I am excited, but it is at the beach, and I still dont have anything close to a beach body...oh well, its family right?

Logan got his first molar tooth yesterday! He is growing up so fast. After washing his sheets yesterday, JR and I discussed if we should transform his crib into a toddler bed. I told him I'm not really ready for that yet. He says its because I am not ready for Logan to grow up, and maybe that is part of it, but I just dont think that he is old enough yet.

Doing well

I know I have posted several times that I have been working out, and I haven't lost any weight! Tomorrow will be 5 weeks and I still weigh exactly what I did 5 weeks ago! Grrrr....so I started getting pretty frustrated about it and today I got my "check up"! THis is where they check your weight, body fat percentage, and your BMI. My weight, as I already said, has not changed, my body fat percentage has gone down 4 % which is really great. I still have a long...long....long way to go, but at least it boosted my morale. I have actually been jogging and I have been trying to get in two miles a day, and today I actually got 2 miles consecutively in today...That's two miles in a row! My knees and ankles are killing me, but it was well worth it!

My grandfather had his doctor appointment today and they ended up doing an MRI instead of a biopsy. The doctor said that he doesn't think there is anything to be concerned about, which is why they didn't do a biopsy, but he will have to go back in 3 months. This is really great news!

One of my best friends, and neighbor, Nikki and her husband are getting really serious about having their first baby. I am so excited from them. I can't wait for them to experience the joy of a child. I know this is so incredibly selfish, but I want Nikki to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, so I am hoping they either have the baby before the wedding day, or after. Not that I want them to wait to get pregnant, or rush on account of my wedding, I am just hoping that she wont be due the week of the wedding! I know this is a horrible thing to think or even say out loud...so I guess I am a horrible person, but I really really really want her to have a baby, I just dont want her to go into labor on the day of my wedding, actually, I dont think I would really mind that. I think I am more scared, knowing my luck, that she will go into labor the day before the wedding! Honestly, any way that it happens, I will be so exstatic to see Nikki pregnant, to see her itty bitty belly grow. To watch Travis' love for her change...its crazy, you can love someone so much and think that there is no way you could ever love them anymore, until pregnancy happens. It changes, because you end up loving them even more, and then you have the child, and you love that person even more for giving you the child. Anyway, I guess I just really want Nikki standing there with me the day I get married. At the same time, I want Nikki and Travis to have a beautiful baby....and trust me, if you saw them, you would know that there is no way possible they could have an ugly baby, even if it means she wont be there on my wedding day!

JR and I will be having our engagement party on July 11, so I am excited about that, I am just struggling to get all the information to Dana, best friend and maid of honor. So I have to get back to that! YEA!

Exhaustion

Well this week has been a busy one...and yet I feel like I haven't done anything. Monday, after being sick all day Sunday, I went grocery shopping and JR and I worked out. I tried to get on the treadmill and only lasted 6 minutes before I thought I would vomit. I did some weight training and called it a day. Tuesday I worked out in the morning...weights again. By Wednesday I was finally ready for the treadmill, in fact I RAN two miles and walked two miles. I only started running to get my heart rate up, after running an entire mile I checked it again only to find it was still at 66...this is how I figured out it wasn't working properly!!! I walked a mile after that and felt so good about running a mile that I ran another one!!!! Thursday, I had some problems with the bank and was so mad I couldn't do anything but cry...so I didn't work out! I finally calmed down, and realized it would all be okay, and it turned out not to be that big of a deal. So we went to the dog track with some friends....I won 93 dollars...the problem is I spent 77...so I walked in there with 80 dollars, and I walked out with 96 dollars. But still, we got to eat, drink, and play and walked out with 16 more dollars than we went in with!
Today I went to Galveston early so I could drive my grandparents to the airport to get my great aunt Carolyn, she will be here until July 7. I didn't get home until 4 and I am so exhausted! I think I have made a daily trip to Wal-Mart this week. I am trying to talk myself into going to work out, but I can barely keep my eyes open! I found out that my grandfather got 2 pints of blood on Monday because he is so anemic, and on Tueday he is having a liver biopsy. My grandmother is covered in bruises from her fall last Saturday. I am just so worried about them both. Hopefully everything will turn out okay and there wont be anything to worry about, but they are getting older and their health is getting worse. I know they wont be here for forever, I just want them around until I am at least 45! I want Logan to be old enough to really get to know them, and any other kids we have.

A long weekend!

So Saturday was my birthday, it started and ended pretty crappy, but the middle part was awesome! Dana, my best friend in the whole world...who I have known since we were like 4, came down to the house. I had planned to be at the beach by ten...didn't leave my house until about 10:30! Then we went to Wal-mart in Galveston, where we bought drinks and munchies! I gave Dana the keys to the car to start getting everything in the cooler while I ran back inside for the ice, that I would have forgotten if it hadn't have been for Dana's reminder!!! As I got to the car we finished loading the cooler and getting it all iced down, I grabbed Logan, and Dana went to put away the cart. I shut the trunk, went to open the back door to put Logan and his car seat, not even realizing anthing is wrong, I look at Dana and say, "you have the keys, right" she has such a strange look on her face, which makes me realize that I just shut the trunk which is where she put the keys, well actually she put them in her purse which she put in the trunk!!!

I called my grandparent who live right down the street and my grandfather came to pick us up while we waited for JR to try to find the keyless entry back at the house. As soon as we get to my grandparents house we leave the garage to find my grandmother come around the corner with bloddy knees, a bloody wrist, broken glasses, and blood on her face. I freak out of course, she looks disoriented and doesn't even seem to know who I am. I run in for a wash rag, get her cleaned up and she seems to be back with us, talking, telling us that she just tripped and fell. Turns out she was looking for my mother's dog, Elvis.

Surprise!!! My mom and dad came into town on Friday night so they could surprise me for my birthday, of course I ruined the surprise by showing up at my grandparents early!!! Anyway, JR finally finds the keyless entry and we FINALLY get to the beach around 1:30. We all had a great time...Logan finally got in the water, and loved every second of it. We were jumping waves and he was just laughing and laughing. He didn't want to get out! We left about 4:30 so we could all get home and shower, then headed back to Galveston for dinner at my grandparents house. There was all kinds of food and everyone and their dog!

After dinner we went to drop off Logan with JR's mom so that we could go out to the bars. I was so tired and my stomach was acting up...it wasn't pretty. I was pretty miserable the entire night so we finally left about 1:15 a.m. After I got home my stomach got worse and worse. I slept until 11:00 on Sunday, got up went to the couch and went back to sleep until 12:30. We all loaded up and went back to Galveston to spend some time with my parents and my niece and nephew before they had to leave. Everyone ate while I laid on the couch. After lunch, my mom and Aunts took all the kids swimming...I went back to sleep. I got up around 4:30 to tell them goodbye, and went to lay down again! We left shortly after, I came home, still sick and with a fever, went straight to bed. JR woke me up around 9, I tried to eat something, it didn't work so well, I went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until 8:30 the next morning....It wasn't such a great Father's Day for JR! :(

Monday, I got to see my friend, Alexa's baby for the first time. He is three months old, and just the cutest thing. We had a long talk. He was telling a sad story, but god it was cute.

Well that is all, I went grocery shopping today and now I have to go cook dinner for the fam!