Here are the facebook messages between my mom and I - you tell me what to think!
21 hours ago
Sara Luck
Hey mom, have I done something to upset you? I am hoping that you are just really busy and that is why I haven't heard from you since I can't think of anything I would have done to make you mad. Anyway, I guess I need to come by and pick up the vanity for Landry's room - Nanny said yall brought it back with you, so Thank you for that, it was very thoughtful and saved me a trip. I would love for you guys to come see the house (although it is still mostly in boxes). Logan has t-ball practice tonight so we should be finding out when and where his first game is...the league is completely unorganized - but that's a whole other issue. I guess I will let you know when and where the game is...IF he even has one this weekend. I was hoping we could all do dinner for Logan's birthday on Friday....just let me know. I love you.
Sara
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16 hours ago
Casey Nelms
Well, you asked a direct question. I will give you a direct answer: yes. I am upset with you.
You asked if you and your family could stay with us for an extended period of time. There isn't much I wouldn't do for my kids.
I cancelled plans and began to prepare...
When you came to borrow Dad's truck you mentioned that you were uncertain about staying with us. I expressed (vividly) that I had cancelled my plans in order to extend this hospitality. I told you that you were more than welcome to stay with us, but... If you changed your plans, to please let me know asap so that I could plan accordingly.
On the night of the Spurs game (the night before y'all were to come and stay) I learned that you had indeed changed your plans. I feel taken advantaged of and view your actions as selfish and inconsiderate.
I cancelled extensive plans to accommodate you.
I find it ridiculous that I receive every piece of communication from you, and yet the "mystery text" in which you say you sent, never reached me!
I also feel that I deserved more than a freakin text from you... And definitely well before the day of arrival!
I also find it very interesting that you are completely oblivious to the fact that you might have taken advantage of the situation. I feel like you knew very well, the night of the Spurs game that I was upset. Why else would I not speak to you the entire evening. As is your typical behavior, I feel that you were very aware of my anger and disappointment and chose to ignore the situation in hopes that I would calm down and eventually just get over it...
I am more than just a little frustrated that you not only have never acknowledged your rude and selfish behavior, but now claim that you have no idea as to why I might be upset.
Having said all this, please know that none of this affects Logan or his birthday...
But, I will not change my plans for you. Our family rarely celebrates birthdays on the exact date. It's just too hard to get everybody together.
I have plans for Friday.
Your father has plans for Friday.
Your sister has plans for Friday.
We will celebrate Logan's birthday at another time.
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38 minutes ago
Sara Luck
First, I apologize for upsetting you. I want to respond to this in the hopes that you can see why I might be oblivious to the fact that you were upset. I am very appreciative of the fact that you would allow us to stay with you.
When I asked about staying with you at Vanessa's birthday dinner, you were pretty obvious about the fact that you would rather us NOT stay with you...with out saying it out loud. It was very uncomfortable. Maybe I read too much into it - maybe that wasn't your intention and if not - then I apologize for that as well, I know that I am guilty of misreading a situation. We had every intention of helping out and NOT taking advantage of your hospitality and in the end there was too much to do and not enough time. JR was working some crazy hours at the time so I didn't have a whole lot of help.
When I went to pick up dad's truck, I was uncertain about staying with you, as I said, I got the impression that you would rather us not stay. You said that you had plans to paint the room and to let you know one way or the other. You said that if we were going to stay you would just wait to paint, and if we weren't you would go ahead and get started. You didn't mention anything about already cancelling anything. I truly do feel bad about that. I didn't know that you had cancelled major plans to accomodate us and I can totally understand how it would seem as though I took advantage and was selfish in my behavior, so again, I am sorry.
Yes, I did text you...and have attached the texts. You even responded, so I hope you can see how I would have assumed you recieved the text saying that we wouldn't be staying with you. I don't know why you didn't receive it, and I will apologize for that as well. As for why I text instead of calling...90% of the time that I do call, you dont answer...in fact you usually respond through text. For this same reason, I text you when we closed on the house...I text you about doing dinner. You respond better to the texts, so that is why I choose that as a form of communication. You definitely deserved a phone call, I'm sorry, I should have shown more appreciation by calling instead of texting...I hope that you can see my point of view as well and understand why I didn't.
I was oblivious to the situation, and in response to reasons why I shouldn't have been...it is NOT unusual to sit at a game for 3 hours and barely speak to each other, it also isn't unusual for us to go 3 weeks without seeing or talking to each other. So there really weren't any red flags there for me. When you didn't respond to my text about closing, I thought it was odd, but figured you were busy. When I got on facebook and saw that you didn't hesitate to tell Kathy happy anniversary, but dismissed mine...I was a little bit disappointed and the red flag started to rise. When you didn't respond to the text about dinner, I figured something must be wrong, so I addressed it. I know that I have a tendency to avoid situations. Part of it is that I hope it will blow over, part of it is that I don't need the extra stress, my plate is pretty full, and part of it is that I dont really know how to handle a confrontation with you...I know that you see that you were wronged and trying to get you to see another side to it is about as easy as a 90 year old doing a backflip. However, in this situation, I wasn't avoiding anything, I just didn't realize I had upset you...that may be selfish of me, and it was never my intention to hurt you. I really hope that you can see how much I have had going on over the last month especially since you have been in the same situation of building a house and getting ready for a move, having two small children, going back and forth with the closing date and just everyday life.
As for Logan's birthday...it's fine, I had plans to do a celebration, but as with everything else the last month, it was contingent on when we would close on the house...obviously that happened much later than we anticipated so those plans changed. Then we found out he wont have a game this Saturday, so that changed things as well. Vanessa already told me she would be out of town Friday night, and that's fine. If you and dad already have plans, that's okay too. Like you said, we can get together another time, but please acknowledge the way your last paragraph comes across. You say it wont affect Logan or his birthday and then the way you say things comes across so hurtful. I choose to believe that this is directed at me and not my son.
I have read what you wrote several times, I can understand why you would be upset with me, I am trying to put myself in your shoes, and I would be hurt as well given all the information you had at the time. I didn't attach these texts to make you more mad, but only in hopes that you might see how I could have thought you not only recieved the text, but responded to it. I hope that you can put yourself in my shoes as well and see how not speaking for weeks isn't exactly abnormal for us.
Finally, I want you to know that I will acknowledge my faults in all this, but I want you to know how much you have hurt my feelings as well. I don't think its fair that when you get hurt you
lash out and try to return the hurt twice as much. You say that I avoid situations, and yet you do the same thing...you just ignore me. After the game you could have very easily brought the situation up, you could have said something - yet you chose to stew on it. When we closed on the house on Friday, I was so excited...I feel like you should have shared in that excitement. Even if you were mad at me, you should have been happy for us. In the grand scheme of things, this all boils down to a miscommunication on BOTH of our parts. You have held on to this for 3 weeks now. This last week has been FILLED with joyous occasions...Our first home, our anniversary, Logan's birthday and yet, because of something so small, you have chosen to be absent from it all. Our anniversary is just that...it's OURS, so it's not like I expect you to celebrate it, and honestly, it never would have bothered me except for the fact that you didn't have a problem sending well wishes to Kathy...but not your daughter. I understand that my kids are still small and therefore haven't put me through the kind of heartache that I have put you through, but honest to God, mom, I can't imagine being absent from their lives...no matter how much they hurt me or put me through. After all we have been through, I wouldn't think something this small would deserve this type of treatment. It's so hurtful. The one person I MOST wanted to be happy and more importantly, PROUD, of me and you weren't there. I hate that I want your approval so badly. Maybe this is selfish too, it is just a house, but I hope you can remember how you felt when the Iowa Park house was finished being built and when we finally moved into. It may just be a house, but it was kind of a big moment in my life, and as my mom, you should have been there. While I am laying my feelings out on the table, I think you should also know that it truly breaks my heart that you live 30 minutes away and yet you never see your grandkids.I am still learning to accept the fact that you and I will just never be close. Every time I think we make some progress, it slips away. It sucks, but no matter how you feel about me, it feels 100 times worse to think that you wont be involved in Logan and Landry's life. I know that this will sound like jealousy...and I won't lie...it kind of is, but has it ever occurred to you that you spend more time with your grandkids that live 4 hours away than you do with the ones that live 30 minutes away? I get that they older and have more going on than my kids do, but it would be really great if you expressed some interest into spending time with them. When Isabella and Isaiah come into town, does it occur to you that while you are taking them to the movies, you might invite you other grandkids? Has it crossed your mind that they might like playing with their cousins? Logan loves those two so much, and every time they come down and I know about it, I tell him he can play and then I dont hear from you. I get that your time with them is very special, but why can't you have special time with my kids? Why can't you include them? Anyway, just thought you should know that it hurts. Just want you to know, you aren't the only one who feels abused. I love you, I really do, and for some reason I still seek your approval, I still want that mother/daughter relationship, I want you to be proud of me, I want to please you. I don't know how to do these things, sometimes I feel like its an impossible task.
I truly hope you can read this without getting too angry, I know that when I read your message I was furious, which is why I had to read it so many times. I also had to really make an effort to put myself in your shoes and look at it from your point of view. I hope you can do the same. I am sorry about the miscommunication, I'm sorry you were so upset and that I failed to notice.
I am not sure I should have laid it out there....but I just really felt she should get some clue as to how she makes me feel. I know I am not totally innocent in the makings of our relationship...I don't know - I honestly just dont know how to feel about my mom. Why can't we just have the type of relationship other people have. I know that I am not totally crazy for wanting her to happy for us about the house, because my Nanny is so excited for us, JR's mom is excited for us, my friends are excited...why can't she be, and why do I want her to be so badly???
Also, I just reread the texts, and I apologize about the content of my not feeling well! OOPS!
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