As most of you know, I have be painting for the last two weeks....and no, I am still not done. Obviously, JR only helps on the weekends since he is at work during the week, and it has been a huge pain in the ass. I still have the kids rooms, our bathroom and the 3.5 walls of the guest room left to paint. I had to go back to Lowe's yesterday for more paint - blah! Our budget at the beginning of all of this was to spend $5-600 on paint and supplies..so far, we are at about $470 and we still have to buy paint for Landry's room and a small amount of red for Logan's room. So, we should stay with in the budget.
Another thing we have to do is order the bedding for the house. We decided to get all new bedding, so Logan, Landry, JR and I, and the guestroom need the whole works, plus new pillows. JR and I said we were going to spend the extra money on good pillows...our usually last about 3 months and then are flat as a pancake - gross.
We also still have to buy blinds for the house. We are doing the faux wood blinds, but they have to be custom built or cut or something, so...that is on hold for now..since we just spent a ton of money on our floors!
YAY! Our final floor samples arrived yesterday afternoon and we made our decision. We placed the order, and should leave the warehouse TODAY! woohoo! The floors should arrive on Thursday of next week, just in time to get them installed next weekend. I am really excied about this, we have been in the house 2 weeks, and the carpet already annoys me!
I think we are going to buy a water softener system...the people came buy yesterday to give us a deomonstration. It's pretty expensive, but the water here has a lot of chlorine and flouride in it, and if you purchase the softener, you get a reverse osmosis system in your kitchen, and 5 years worth of free soap...this includes ALL soap, shampoo, conditioner, dish soap, hand soap, laundry soap. It will be a few weeks before that happens, but I am really interested in it.
Also in a few weeks, JR may be buying a truck. It is still up in the air, but basically he went in and talked to his boss. The company leases their trucks for 4 years or 100,000 miles. JR drives a company truck, and it is quickly approaching 100,000 miles. He told his boss that there would be times that he needs to pick Logan up from school, or take him to school, and the company has a rule about non-employees being in the truck...anyway, they are trying to work something out. In the grand scheme of things we wont be paying much money, they are trying to work it out, where he has to buy a white truck (which isn't a problem) and maybe use magnets on the side of the truck with a company logo (magnets because they can be removed). They are going to give JR a truck allowance, which will help make the payments, plus money for mileage will help pay or gas and maintenance. Anyway, we should know in a few weeks what's going on there.
And finally, we are hoping to go get our new tv next weekend. We are getting a 60" and moving our 42" to the upstairs playroom. It's so funny, I remember when we bought the 42", I thought it was huge, and I really didn't understand why we needed such a large tv. Well, that was a little over 4 years ago, and I still love it...and now I can't see why we would possibly need a bigger tv! But it will make JR very happy, so it's worth it.
JR and I still have other projects...I already mentioned the floors, mounting the tv, buying bedding for the house...but we also have to update some of our furniture...when I say update I mean, sand, stain, spray paint, buy new hardware...we don't have the money for new furniture right now. Although, we are hoping to buy a new bedroom set...a KING set...but that is about a year or so away! We also have to fix our dining room table. JR bought a belt sander so that we could sand and stain it, but we QUICKLY found out that it is not made entirely of wood. There is only a thin layer, and under it is particle board. SOOOO, now our kitchen table looks like it has the measles. There is no fixing it...we are only going to replace the top though...We have to buy some wood and them stain them and mount the to the table legs. One other project that we want to do is build a toy chest in the play room. We have designed one that will run the length of the wall, with built in book shelves on each side. We want to cushion the bench to make it into a little nook. The seat will open and all the toys can go under it. We have to wait to see if it will have two or three openings, it can't be just one because then it will be too heavy for the kids to open...and of course we are putting a piano hinge on it so that it closes slowly and no little fingers get smushed. (Nikki, if you are reading this - it is going to be kind of like what you guys have in your guest room, except the middle section will be the seat and toy chest...make sense?) Finally, we are going to build a deck in the back....again - this will mostly likely be with next years tax return. So far, that is the list...some need to be done ASAP, and some will take time. I am so proud of my house I can't wait for it to all be done!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
beautiful life
Yesterday, my baby boy turned 5. 5??? Time seriously seems to be flying by at break neck speed. The night before his birthday JR and were talking about how much life has change over the last 5 years. I don't think anyone can prepare you for becoming a mom for the first time. I am 6 years older than my baby sister, so she was always treated as my own personal baby doll. I baby sat from the time I was 12. I worked at a day care in the infant room for a whole summer. I was a teacher's aide for 3 years working with 2nd, 3rd, and 4th graders. I had been around kids my whole life. When I got pregnant I joined some mom chats online, I read just about every book I could get my hands on - TWICE...and yet nothing could prepare me for the true role of mom. No one can explain to you how it feels to have your heart triple in size with the love for your child the second he cries for the first time. It's funny that I have told other first time moms that no matter how much you love your husband, your love for him will double when you have a child together...for me that is so true, and every time I see him interacting with the kids, my heart warms and my love grows. I have such a beautiful life. I am so incredibly blessed, I know that I can complain a lot sometimes, but in the grand scheme of things I don't know if my life could be more perfect.
Logan -
What can I say that I haven't already said a million times? I love you so much. No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby boy. You are growing at the spped of light and will probably be my heighth or taller in another 5 years! You have taught me so much about being a mom, but also about being a person in general. You have opened my heart in ways I had forgotten about. You are my angel, my baby, my "best friend".
Right now you are in to baseball. You had t-ball practice this morning and you are so much more focused than last year.
You love you nintendo DS, and your new game, Yoshi's Island, has been a huge hit.
You love going to school to play with your friends and you often tell me you wish you could go every day...little do you know, that wish will be becoming a reality in just 5 months.
You are so in love with your baby sister that it truly makes me smile. You are so gentle with her (most of the time). Even when you get annoyed with her, it rarely lasts long. You like to help me out in the kitchen and when giving me directions on how to get to McDonalds! Your newest favorite food is pancakes...and lucky for you I can actually make them!!! You love your computer games and shopping on Disney.com. You are really into lego heroes and super heroes, and just recently Tom and Jerry. You are such a well rounded kid. I love you so much and I wish time would slow down a bit. I miss you being so tiny (even though you were NEVER actually tiny, since you 9 lbs. 6 oz. at birth). At one point I held you and rocked you, and though I will always hold you and rock you, you are now half my size. I hope you continue to be the compassionate, thoughtful, loving young man that you are now. You and you sister are the best part of me. You are the light in the dark and will always shine so brightly!
Logan -
What can I say that I haven't already said a million times? I love you so much. No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby boy. You are growing at the spped of light and will probably be my heighth or taller in another 5 years! You have taught me so much about being a mom, but also about being a person in general. You have opened my heart in ways I had forgotten about. You are my angel, my baby, my "best friend".
Right now you are in to baseball. You had t-ball practice this morning and you are so much more focused than last year.
You love you nintendo DS, and your new game, Yoshi's Island, has been a huge hit.
You love going to school to play with your friends and you often tell me you wish you could go every day...little do you know, that wish will be becoming a reality in just 5 months.
You are so in love with your baby sister that it truly makes me smile. You are so gentle with her (most of the time). Even when you get annoyed with her, it rarely lasts long. You like to help me out in the kitchen and when giving me directions on how to get to McDonalds! Your newest favorite food is pancakes...and lucky for you I can actually make them!!! You love your computer games and shopping on Disney.com. You are really into lego heroes and super heroes, and just recently Tom and Jerry. You are such a well rounded kid. I love you so much and I wish time would slow down a bit. I miss you being so tiny (even though you were NEVER actually tiny, since you 9 lbs. 6 oz. at birth). At one point I held you and rocked you, and though I will always hold you and rock you, you are now half my size. I hope you continue to be the compassionate, thoughtful, loving young man that you are now. You and you sister are the best part of me. You are the light in the dark and will always shine so brightly!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Mama Drama
It is no secret that my mom and I dont share a strong bond. I am nearly 29 and yet for some crazy reason I still want some sort of healthy relationship with her...when will I learn??? I honestly try not to expect anything from her, because it always leads to disappointment.
Here are the facebook messages between my mom and I - you tell me what to think!
21 hours ago
Sara Luck
Hey mom, have I done something to upset you? I am hoping that you are just really busy and that is why I haven't heard from you since I can't think of anything I would have done to make you mad. Anyway, I guess I need to come by and pick up the vanity for Landry's room - Nanny said yall brought it back with you, so Thank you for that, it was very thoughtful and saved me a trip. I would love for you guys to come see the house (although it is still mostly in boxes). Logan has t-ball practice tonight so we should be finding out when and where his first game is...the league is completely unorganized - but that's a whole other issue. I guess I will let you know when and where the game is...IF he even has one this weekend. I was hoping we could all do dinner for Logan's birthday on Friday....just let me know. I love you.
Sara
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16 hours ago
Casey Nelms
Well, you asked a direct question. I will give you a direct answer: yes. I am upset with you.
You asked if you and your family could stay with us for an extended period of time. There isn't much I wouldn't do for my kids.
I cancelled plans and began to prepare...
When you came to borrow Dad's truck you mentioned that you were uncertain about staying with us. I expressed (vividly) that I had cancelled my plans in order to extend this hospitality. I told you that you were more than welcome to stay with us, but... If you changed your plans, to please let me know asap so that I could plan accordingly.
On the night of the Spurs game (the night before y'all were to come and stay) I learned that you had indeed changed your plans. I feel taken advantaged of and view your actions as selfish and inconsiderate.
I cancelled extensive plans to accommodate you.
I find it ridiculous that I receive every piece of communication from you, and yet the "mystery text" in which you say you sent, never reached me!
I also feel that I deserved more than a freakin text from you... And definitely well before the day of arrival!
I also find it very interesting that you are completely oblivious to the fact that you might have taken advantage of the situation. I feel like you knew very well, the night of the Spurs game that I was upset. Why else would I not speak to you the entire evening. As is your typical behavior, I feel that you were very aware of my anger and disappointment and chose to ignore the situation in hopes that I would calm down and eventually just get over it...
I am more than just a little frustrated that you not only have never acknowledged your rude and selfish behavior, but now claim that you have no idea as to why I might be upset.
Having said all this, please know that none of this affects Logan or his birthday...
But, I will not change my plans for you. Our family rarely celebrates birthdays on the exact date. It's just too hard to get everybody together.
I have plans for Friday.
Your father has plans for Friday.
Your sister has plans for Friday.
We will celebrate Logan's birthday at another time.
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38 minutes ago
Sara Luck
First, I apologize for upsetting you. I want to respond to this in the hopes that you can see why I might be oblivious to the fact that you were upset. I am very appreciative of the fact that you would allow us to stay with you.
When I asked about staying with you at Vanessa's birthday dinner, you were pretty obvious about the fact that you would rather us NOT stay with you...with out saying it out loud. It was very uncomfortable. Maybe I read too much into it - maybe that wasn't your intention and if not - then I apologize for that as well, I know that I am guilty of misreading a situation. We had every intention of helping out and NOT taking advantage of your hospitality and in the end there was too much to do and not enough time. JR was working some crazy hours at the time so I didn't have a whole lot of help.
When I went to pick up dad's truck, I was uncertain about staying with you, as I said, I got the impression that you would rather us not stay. You said that you had plans to paint the room and to let you know one way or the other. You said that if we were going to stay you would just wait to paint, and if we weren't you would go ahead and get started. You didn't mention anything about already cancelling anything. I truly do feel bad about that. I didn't know that you had cancelled major plans to accomodate us and I can totally understand how it would seem as though I took advantage and was selfish in my behavior, so again, I am sorry.
Yes, I did text you...and have attached the texts. You even responded, so I hope you can see how I would have assumed you recieved the text saying that we wouldn't be staying with you. I don't know why you didn't receive it, and I will apologize for that as well. As for why I text instead of calling...90% of the time that I do call, you dont answer...in fact you usually respond through text. For this same reason, I text you when we closed on the house...I text you about doing dinner. You respond better to the texts, so that is why I choose that as a form of communication. You definitely deserved a phone call, I'm sorry, I should have shown more appreciation by calling instead of texting...I hope that you can see my point of view as well and understand why I didn't.
I was oblivious to the situation, and in response to reasons why I shouldn't have been...it is NOT unusual to sit at a game for 3 hours and barely speak to each other, it also isn't unusual for us to go 3 weeks without seeing or talking to each other. So there really weren't any red flags there for me. When you didn't respond to my text about closing, I thought it was odd, but figured you were busy. When I got on facebook and saw that you didn't hesitate to tell Kathy happy anniversary, but dismissed mine...I was a little bit disappointed and the red flag started to rise. When you didn't respond to the text about dinner, I figured something must be wrong, so I addressed it. I know that I have a tendency to avoid situations. Part of it is that I hope it will blow over, part of it is that I don't need the extra stress, my plate is pretty full, and part of it is that I dont really know how to handle a confrontation with you...I know that you see that you were wronged and trying to get you to see another side to it is about as easy as a 90 year old doing a backflip. However, in this situation, I wasn't avoiding anything, I just didn't realize I had upset you...that may be selfish of me, and it was never my intention to hurt you. I really hope that you can see how much I have had going on over the last month especially since you have been in the same situation of building a house and getting ready for a move, having two small children, going back and forth with the closing date and just everyday life.
As for Logan's birthday...it's fine, I had plans to do a celebration, but as with everything else the last month, it was contingent on when we would close on the house...obviously that happened much later than we anticipated so those plans changed. Then we found out he wont have a game this Saturday, so that changed things as well. Vanessa already told me she would be out of town Friday night, and that's fine. If you and dad already have plans, that's okay too. Like you said, we can get together another time, but please acknowledge the way your last paragraph comes across. You say it wont affect Logan or his birthday and then the way you say things comes across so hurtful. I choose to believe that this is directed at me and not my son.
I have read what you wrote several times, I can understand why you would be upset with me, I am trying to put myself in your shoes, and I would be hurt as well given all the information you had at the time. I didn't attach these texts to make you more mad, but only in hopes that you might see how I could have thought you not only recieved the text, but responded to it. I hope that you can put yourself in my shoes as well and see how not speaking for weeks isn't exactly abnormal for us.
Finally, I want you to know that I will acknowledge my faults in all this, but I want you to know how much you have hurt my feelings as well. I don't think its fair that when you get hurt you
lash out and try to return the hurt twice as much. You say that I avoid situations, and yet you do the same thing...you just ignore me. After the game you could have very easily brought the situation up, you could have said something - yet you chose to stew on it. When we closed on the house on Friday, I was so excited...I feel like you should have shared in that excitement. Even if you were mad at me, you should have been happy for us. In the grand scheme of things, this all boils down to a miscommunication on BOTH of our parts. You have held on to this for 3 weeks now. This last week has been FILLED with joyous occasions...Our first home, our anniversary, Logan's birthday and yet, because of something so small, you have chosen to be absent from it all. Our anniversary is just that...it's OURS, so it's not like I expect you to celebrate it, and honestly, it never would have bothered me except for the fact that you didn't have a problem sending well wishes to Kathy...but not your daughter. I understand that my kids are still small and therefore haven't put me through the kind of heartache that I have put you through, but honest to God, mom, I can't imagine being absent from their lives...no matter how much they hurt me or put me through. After all we have been through, I wouldn't think something this small would deserve this type of treatment. It's so hurtful. The one person I MOST wanted to be happy and more importantly, PROUD, of me and you weren't there. I hate that I want your approval so badly. Maybe this is selfish too, it is just a house, but I hope you can remember how you felt when the Iowa Park house was finished being built and when we finally moved into. It may just be a house, but it was kind of a big moment in my life, and as my mom, you should have been there. While I am laying my feelings out on the table, I think you should also know that it truly breaks my heart that you live 30 minutes away and yet you never see your grandkids.I am still learning to accept the fact that you and I will just never be close. Every time I think we make some progress, it slips away. It sucks, but no matter how you feel about me, it feels 100 times worse to think that you wont be involved in Logan and Landry's life. I know that this will sound like jealousy...and I won't lie...it kind of is, but has it ever occurred to you that you spend more time with your grandkids that live 4 hours away than you do with the ones that live 30 minutes away? I get that they older and have more going on than my kids do, but it would be really great if you expressed some interest into spending time with them. When Isabella and Isaiah come into town, does it occur to you that while you are taking them to the movies, you might invite you other grandkids? Has it crossed your mind that they might like playing with their cousins? Logan loves those two so much, and every time they come down and I know about it, I tell him he can play and then I dont hear from you. I get that your time with them is very special, but why can't you have special time with my kids? Why can't you include them? Anyway, just thought you should know that it hurts. Just want you to know, you aren't the only one who feels abused. I love you, I really do, and for some reason I still seek your approval, I still want that mother/daughter relationship, I want you to be proud of me, I want to please you. I don't know how to do these things, sometimes I feel like its an impossible task.
I truly hope you can read this without getting too angry, I know that when I read your message I was furious, which is why I had to read it so many times. I also had to really make an effort to put myself in your shoes and look at it from your point of view. I hope you can do the same. I am sorry about the miscommunication, I'm sorry you were so upset and that I failed to notice.
I am not sure I should have laid it out there....but I just really felt she should get some clue as to how she makes me feel. I know I am not totally innocent in the makings of our relationship...I don't know - I honestly just dont know how to feel about my mom. Why can't we just have the type of relationship other people have. I know that I am not totally crazy for wanting her to happy for us about the house, because my Nanny is so excited for us, JR's mom is excited for us, my friends are excited...why can't she be, and why do I want her to be so badly???
Also, I just reread the texts, and I apologize about the content of my not feeling well! OOPS!
Here are the facebook messages between my mom and I - you tell me what to think!
21 hours ago
Sara Luck
Hey mom, have I done something to upset you? I am hoping that you are just really busy and that is why I haven't heard from you since I can't think of anything I would have done to make you mad. Anyway, I guess I need to come by and pick up the vanity for Landry's room - Nanny said yall brought it back with you, so Thank you for that, it was very thoughtful and saved me a trip. I would love for you guys to come see the house (although it is still mostly in boxes). Logan has t-ball practice tonight so we should be finding out when and where his first game is...the league is completely unorganized - but that's a whole other issue. I guess I will let you know when and where the game is...IF he even has one this weekend. I was hoping we could all do dinner for Logan's birthday on Friday....just let me know. I love you.
Sara
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16 hours ago
Casey Nelms
Well, you asked a direct question. I will give you a direct answer: yes. I am upset with you.
You asked if you and your family could stay with us for an extended period of time. There isn't much I wouldn't do for my kids.
I cancelled plans and began to prepare...
When you came to borrow Dad's truck you mentioned that you were uncertain about staying with us. I expressed (vividly) that I had cancelled my plans in order to extend this hospitality. I told you that you were more than welcome to stay with us, but... If you changed your plans, to please let me know asap so that I could plan accordingly.
On the night of the Spurs game (the night before y'all were to come and stay) I learned that you had indeed changed your plans. I feel taken advantaged of and view your actions as selfish and inconsiderate.
I cancelled extensive plans to accommodate you.
I find it ridiculous that I receive every piece of communication from you, and yet the "mystery text" in which you say you sent, never reached me!
I also feel that I deserved more than a freakin text from you... And definitely well before the day of arrival!
I also find it very interesting that you are completely oblivious to the fact that you might have taken advantage of the situation. I feel like you knew very well, the night of the Spurs game that I was upset. Why else would I not speak to you the entire evening. As is your typical behavior, I feel that you were very aware of my anger and disappointment and chose to ignore the situation in hopes that I would calm down and eventually just get over it...
I am more than just a little frustrated that you not only have never acknowledged your rude and selfish behavior, but now claim that you have no idea as to why I might be upset.
Having said all this, please know that none of this affects Logan or his birthday...
But, I will not change my plans for you. Our family rarely celebrates birthdays on the exact date. It's just too hard to get everybody together.
I have plans for Friday.
Your father has plans for Friday.
Your sister has plans for Friday.
We will celebrate Logan's birthday at another time.
-----------------------------------------------------------
38 minutes ago
Sara Luck
First, I apologize for upsetting you. I want to respond to this in the hopes that you can see why I might be oblivious to the fact that you were upset. I am very appreciative of the fact that you would allow us to stay with you.
When I asked about staying with you at Vanessa's birthday dinner, you were pretty obvious about the fact that you would rather us NOT stay with you...with out saying it out loud. It was very uncomfortable. Maybe I read too much into it - maybe that wasn't your intention and if not - then I apologize for that as well, I know that I am guilty of misreading a situation. We had every intention of helping out and NOT taking advantage of your hospitality and in the end there was too much to do and not enough time. JR was working some crazy hours at the time so I didn't have a whole lot of help.
When I went to pick up dad's truck, I was uncertain about staying with you, as I said, I got the impression that you would rather us not stay. You said that you had plans to paint the room and to let you know one way or the other. You said that if we were going to stay you would just wait to paint, and if we weren't you would go ahead and get started. You didn't mention anything about already cancelling anything. I truly do feel bad about that. I didn't know that you had cancelled major plans to accomodate us and I can totally understand how it would seem as though I took advantage and was selfish in my behavior, so again, I am sorry.
Yes, I did text you...and have attached the texts. You even responded, so I hope you can see how I would have assumed you recieved the text saying that we wouldn't be staying with you. I don't know why you didn't receive it, and I will apologize for that as well. As for why I text instead of calling...90% of the time that I do call, you dont answer...in fact you usually respond through text. For this same reason, I text you when we closed on the house...I text you about doing dinner. You respond better to the texts, so that is why I choose that as a form of communication. You definitely deserved a phone call, I'm sorry, I should have shown more appreciation by calling instead of texting...I hope that you can see my point of view as well and understand why I didn't.
I was oblivious to the situation, and in response to reasons why I shouldn't have been...it is NOT unusual to sit at a game for 3 hours and barely speak to each other, it also isn't unusual for us to go 3 weeks without seeing or talking to each other. So there really weren't any red flags there for me. When you didn't respond to my text about closing, I thought it was odd, but figured you were busy. When I got on facebook and saw that you didn't hesitate to tell Kathy happy anniversary, but dismissed mine...I was a little bit disappointed and the red flag started to rise. When you didn't respond to the text about dinner, I figured something must be wrong, so I addressed it. I know that I have a tendency to avoid situations. Part of it is that I hope it will blow over, part of it is that I don't need the extra stress, my plate is pretty full, and part of it is that I dont really know how to handle a confrontation with you...I know that you see that you were wronged and trying to get you to see another side to it is about as easy as a 90 year old doing a backflip. However, in this situation, I wasn't avoiding anything, I just didn't realize I had upset you...that may be selfish of me, and it was never my intention to hurt you. I really hope that you can see how much I have had going on over the last month especially since you have been in the same situation of building a house and getting ready for a move, having two small children, going back and forth with the closing date and just everyday life.
As for Logan's birthday...it's fine, I had plans to do a celebration, but as with everything else the last month, it was contingent on when we would close on the house...obviously that happened much later than we anticipated so those plans changed. Then we found out he wont have a game this Saturday, so that changed things as well. Vanessa already told me she would be out of town Friday night, and that's fine. If you and dad already have plans, that's okay too. Like you said, we can get together another time, but please acknowledge the way your last paragraph comes across. You say it wont affect Logan or his birthday and then the way you say things comes across so hurtful. I choose to believe that this is directed at me and not my son.
I have read what you wrote several times, I can understand why you would be upset with me, I am trying to put myself in your shoes, and I would be hurt as well given all the information you had at the time. I didn't attach these texts to make you more mad, but only in hopes that you might see how I could have thought you not only recieved the text, but responded to it. I hope that you can put yourself in my shoes as well and see how not speaking for weeks isn't exactly abnormal for us.
Finally, I want you to know that I will acknowledge my faults in all this, but I want you to know how much you have hurt my feelings as well. I don't think its fair that when you get hurt you
lash out and try to return the hurt twice as much. You say that I avoid situations, and yet you do the same thing...you just ignore me. After the game you could have very easily brought the situation up, you could have said something - yet you chose to stew on it. When we closed on the house on Friday, I was so excited...I feel like you should have shared in that excitement. Even if you were mad at me, you should have been happy for us. In the grand scheme of things, this all boils down to a miscommunication on BOTH of our parts. You have held on to this for 3 weeks now. This last week has been FILLED with joyous occasions...Our first home, our anniversary, Logan's birthday and yet, because of something so small, you have chosen to be absent from it all. Our anniversary is just that...it's OURS, so it's not like I expect you to celebrate it, and honestly, it never would have bothered me except for the fact that you didn't have a problem sending well wishes to Kathy...but not your daughter. I understand that my kids are still small and therefore haven't put me through the kind of heartache that I have put you through, but honest to God, mom, I can't imagine being absent from their lives...no matter how much they hurt me or put me through. After all we have been through, I wouldn't think something this small would deserve this type of treatment. It's so hurtful. The one person I MOST wanted to be happy and more importantly, PROUD, of me and you weren't there. I hate that I want your approval so badly. Maybe this is selfish too, it is just a house, but I hope you can remember how you felt when the Iowa Park house was finished being built and when we finally moved into. It may just be a house, but it was kind of a big moment in my life, and as my mom, you should have been there. While I am laying my feelings out on the table, I think you should also know that it truly breaks my heart that you live 30 minutes away and yet you never see your grandkids.I am still learning to accept the fact that you and I will just never be close. Every time I think we make some progress, it slips away. It sucks, but no matter how you feel about me, it feels 100 times worse to think that you wont be involved in Logan and Landry's life. I know that this will sound like jealousy...and I won't lie...it kind of is, but has it ever occurred to you that you spend more time with your grandkids that live 4 hours away than you do with the ones that live 30 minutes away? I get that they older and have more going on than my kids do, but it would be really great if you expressed some interest into spending time with them. When Isabella and Isaiah come into town, does it occur to you that while you are taking them to the movies, you might invite you other grandkids? Has it crossed your mind that they might like playing with their cousins? Logan loves those two so much, and every time they come down and I know about it, I tell him he can play and then I dont hear from you. I get that your time with them is very special, but why can't you have special time with my kids? Why can't you include them? Anyway, just thought you should know that it hurts. Just want you to know, you aren't the only one who feels abused. I love you, I really do, and for some reason I still seek your approval, I still want that mother/daughter relationship, I want you to be proud of me, I want to please you. I don't know how to do these things, sometimes I feel like its an impossible task.
I truly hope you can read this without getting too angry, I know that when I read your message I was furious, which is why I had to read it so many times. I also had to really make an effort to put myself in your shoes and look at it from your point of view. I hope you can do the same. I am sorry about the miscommunication, I'm sorry you were so upset and that I failed to notice.
I am not sure I should have laid it out there....but I just really felt she should get some clue as to how she makes me feel. I know I am not totally innocent in the makings of our relationship...I don't know - I honestly just dont know how to feel about my mom. Why can't we just have the type of relationship other people have. I know that I am not totally crazy for wanting her to happy for us about the house, because my Nanny is so excited for us, JR's mom is excited for us, my friends are excited...why can't she be, and why do I want her to be so badly???
Also, I just reread the texts, and I apologize about the content of my not feeling well! OOPS!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The new house...
First, I apologize for not posting lately, but I have been extremely busy closing, moving out, moving in, cleaning, and painting!!!
We FINALLY closed on the house on Friday. It was a pretty painless process, and the kids were actually really well behaved. The longest part was waiting for the wire transfer of funds. After being there for about two hours, we walked out with keys in hand! So freaking exciting. Turns out, we got a check for $270 when we closed instead of paying anything, so that was nice, AND our mortage is $40 less than what we were thinking it was going to be...AND we aren't paying any more than what we were paying to rent! AWESOME!!! Well, technically its about $150 more, BUT since we did the MCC (Mortgage Credit Certificate) we get back $167 per month, so in the end we are paying a little less than what we were paying at the old crappy house! Wahooo. After closing, we went home and started loading the U-haul. We just rented a small one and it took three trips, but we got it all moved.
Saturday morning, I got up and headed over to the old house to get it all cleaned up. JR and the kids stayed at the new house for 2 reasons...#1 it's easier to get stuff done without having the kids under my feet, #2 JR had to be at the house for the internet and cable people! It took until 2:00 to get that house cleaned...ughhh, I have now made it a mission to clean the walls once a month, maybe I will alternate, downstairs walls one month, upstairs the next...Seriously it is amazing how dirty walls get. Now. I find myself constantly telling the kids to not touch the walls! Anyway, it all paid off because when we did the walk through the lady said it looked professionally cleaned and couldn't see any reason for not getting our deposit back! I was really expecting to lose it from the carpet, but she said it was normal wear and tear and since it wasn't new carpet when we moved in, it needed to be replaced anyway! I was really surprised because I have never lived anywhere that didn't dock us for the carpet....even if it wasn't new when we moved in! I guess we will have to wait and see until we get the check! Once I got home and ate some lunch I decided we would goo to Lowe's to get paint and start on the house....
2.5 hours later we finally left Lowes. Turns out the two colors I had picked out weren't available, so I picked two more that were similar, that didn't work out, because I just couldn't get over the khaki color...it just wasn't what I wanted, so before they mixed it I found one I really liked even though it was super expensive...JR said it was worth it to pay the money if it meant that I would be truly happy...YAY! Love him. From there, it turned out that the blue was going to have to be ordered, so I went back and picked out a new blue! UGHHHHH. The kids were screaming, they were hungry and tired...and I was about to lose my mind! We finally got out of there and the kids fell asleep before we could even unload the cart! LOL We decided to go to bed early and start the painting on Sunday
So, Sunday morning we got started...JR and I were able to get the living room, dining room, kitchen, and entry way all done on Sunday! It looks beautiful
Monday, JR went back to work, and I started painting the accent wall in the living room....I was hoping to get the wall ( I mean, its only one wall, right), the bathroom, laundry room, and guest room done - which would complete the downstairs (except the garage - but that will be later after we get organized). However, I had to go to the post office to get our mailbox keys, the city of Kyle building to take care of our trash ans sewer utility, then over to the water department to set up water in our name. I didnt actually get started painting until a little after 2, but I quickly learned that it was going to take a while. 3 hours later I finally finished the one wall. After JR got home we tackled the bathroom together...Whew!
Yesterday I got the laundry room painted...and my shoulder are KILLING ME! However, I still have the guest bedroom to finish the downstairs...but at least all the rooms that will have the hardwood floors are now done.
We have so many upcoming projects...and the list keeps growing! Ahhh. Anyway, we are loving the house, Logan has actually slept in his own room each night which has been awesome. Landry not so much...she seems to be playing musical beds. One night I slept in her new bed with her, the next night, she slept with her brother, then she slept in our bed and ended up pushing me out off the bed...then last night when she crawled in bed with us, I got up and went to her room...no way was I getting pushed around again. Hopefully we can get her to stay in her room tonight! I will try to get some pictures up soon, just dont hold your breath!
We FINALLY closed on the house on Friday. It was a pretty painless process, and the kids were actually really well behaved. The longest part was waiting for the wire transfer of funds. After being there for about two hours, we walked out with keys in hand! So freaking exciting. Turns out, we got a check for $270 when we closed instead of paying anything, so that was nice, AND our mortage is $40 less than what we were thinking it was going to be...AND we aren't paying any more than what we were paying to rent! AWESOME!!! Well, technically its about $150 more, BUT since we did the MCC (Mortgage Credit Certificate) we get back $167 per month, so in the end we are paying a little less than what we were paying at the old crappy house! Wahooo. After closing, we went home and started loading the U-haul. We just rented a small one and it took three trips, but we got it all moved.
Saturday morning, I got up and headed over to the old house to get it all cleaned up. JR and the kids stayed at the new house for 2 reasons...#1 it's easier to get stuff done without having the kids under my feet, #2 JR had to be at the house for the internet and cable people! It took until 2:00 to get that house cleaned...ughhh, I have now made it a mission to clean the walls once a month, maybe I will alternate, downstairs walls one month, upstairs the next...Seriously it is amazing how dirty walls get. Now. I find myself constantly telling the kids to not touch the walls! Anyway, it all paid off because when we did the walk through the lady said it looked professionally cleaned and couldn't see any reason for not getting our deposit back! I was really expecting to lose it from the carpet, but she said it was normal wear and tear and since it wasn't new carpet when we moved in, it needed to be replaced anyway! I was really surprised because I have never lived anywhere that didn't dock us for the carpet....even if it wasn't new when we moved in! I guess we will have to wait and see until we get the check! Once I got home and ate some lunch I decided we would goo to Lowe's to get paint and start on the house....
2.5 hours later we finally left Lowes. Turns out the two colors I had picked out weren't available, so I picked two more that were similar, that didn't work out, because I just couldn't get over the khaki color...it just wasn't what I wanted, so before they mixed it I found one I really liked even though it was super expensive...JR said it was worth it to pay the money if it meant that I would be truly happy...YAY! Love him. From there, it turned out that the blue was going to have to be ordered, so I went back and picked out a new blue! UGHHHHH. The kids were screaming, they were hungry and tired...and I was about to lose my mind! We finally got out of there and the kids fell asleep before we could even unload the cart! LOL We decided to go to bed early and start the painting on Sunday
So, Sunday morning we got started...JR and I were able to get the living room, dining room, kitchen, and entry way all done on Sunday! It looks beautiful
Monday, JR went back to work, and I started painting the accent wall in the living room....I was hoping to get the wall ( I mean, its only one wall, right), the bathroom, laundry room, and guest room done - which would complete the downstairs (except the garage - but that will be later after we get organized). However, I had to go to the post office to get our mailbox keys, the city of Kyle building to take care of our trash ans sewer utility, then over to the water department to set up water in our name. I didnt actually get started painting until a little after 2, but I quickly learned that it was going to take a while. 3 hours later I finally finished the one wall. After JR got home we tackled the bathroom together...Whew!
Yesterday I got the laundry room painted...and my shoulder are KILLING ME! However, I still have the guest bedroom to finish the downstairs...but at least all the rooms that will have the hardwood floors are now done.
We have so many upcoming projects...and the list keeps growing! Ahhh. Anyway, we are loving the house, Logan has actually slept in his own room each night which has been awesome. Landry not so much...she seems to be playing musical beds. One night I slept in her new bed with her, the next night, she slept with her brother, then she slept in our bed and ended up pushing me out off the bed...then last night when she crawled in bed with us, I got up and went to her room...no way was I getting pushed around again. Hopefully we can get her to stay in her room tonight! I will try to get some pictures up soon, just dont hold your breath!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Total freak out!
Totally freaking out! It is actually happening..we are closing and moving today. OMG!!! I have to leave here in an hour to head to Austin to go close on the house, after the paperwork is signed and we get the keys we are heading back to start moving...I still haven't finished packing everything...oh well, it's all small stuff. Then I have a ton of stuff to clean! YAY
This is on the TMI (too much information) side...so just letting you know.
I have been totally freaking out about starting my period, but THANK YOU - I got it today. Every since I had Landry I have been a little irregular. I used be so regular, I knew what time I would start...seriously, it was every 28 days and usually between 2-3am. But for the last 2 years, It could be some where between 26 and 31 days. So, I have had to learn to not freak out every time I am a day or 3 late....this month, YIKES! I was supposed to start on the 7th (or at least that would have been the 28 day mark). In two years I have not been more than 31 days between periods...so you can see how I might have gotten a little worried! Honestly, if I was pregnant, it would be okay....but, I was freaking out more because we are moving, and I was going to have to re-arrange where the kids rooms were going to be and I have been so stressed with everything else right now (which is probably why I was so late) that I just didn't have it in me to stress about anything else! So, anywho...all is well. Sorry if that was too much for you...but I did warn you!
Anyway, I am off to shower and get ready to go get my new home! We are going to do a house warming party April 21...I will get the invites out as soon as I can!
This is on the TMI (too much information) side...so just letting you know.
I have been totally freaking out about starting my period, but THANK YOU - I got it today. Every since I had Landry I have been a little irregular. I used be so regular, I knew what time I would start...seriously, it was every 28 days and usually between 2-3am. But for the last 2 years, It could be some where between 26 and 31 days. So, I have had to learn to not freak out every time I am a day or 3 late....this month, YIKES! I was supposed to start on the 7th (or at least that would have been the 28 day mark). In two years I have not been more than 31 days between periods...so you can see how I might have gotten a little worried! Honestly, if I was pregnant, it would be okay....but, I was freaking out more because we are moving, and I was going to have to re-arrange where the kids rooms were going to be and I have been so stressed with everything else right now (which is probably why I was so late) that I just didn't have it in me to stress about anything else! So, anywho...all is well. Sorry if that was too much for you...but I did warn you!
Anyway, I am off to shower and get ready to go get my new home! We are going to do a house warming party April 21...I will get the invites out as soon as I can!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Closing Day???
We finally heard back from USDA on Tuesday. Then we got a phone call from the bank saying we should close on Friday. When JR call the realtor, we found out that our loan officer is out all week on vacation...ughhh! So now we are dealing with a new guy, who has yet to send us the final numbers and get the information over to the title company. We have been assured several times we will close on Friday...TOMORROW, but I have been told this so many times, so it's a little hard to believe it will actually happen...especially since this guy hasn't even sent the paperwork to the title company. I guess we will see. I only have 3 more rooms in the house to pack up and clean...and luckily there are only a few items to pack...So, if we do close tomorrow, I should be ready. For now, I have to get myself and the kids dressed and head over to the new house...we have our final walk through inspection at 11. I haven't been to the new house in 2 weeks! YAY
Friday, March 9, 2012
Come on, Come on!
The USDA Texas Loan Dept. is working on loans received on Feb. 22, JR talked to a lady that said she thought there was a good chance they would get to some of the loans received Feb. 23, but there is no guarantee that ours will be one of them. I actually still have a ton of stuff to do at the house. I guess I kind of just got lazy when I realized we wouldn't be moving when we thought. Now I feel overwhelmed again. A small part of it is that I hate to box stuff and then 2 days later have to open the box because I need something out of it. The bigger reason is that I just dont feel like doing it. Then a thought occured that maybe if I do it, the universe will realize that we are ready and speed things along. I know...I am a little whacky, but hey what can it hurt right?? Since it is lovely outside (this is sarcasm...it is cold, grey, and rainy) I am dedicating the weekend to getting this house ready to be loaded. I am also going to try to get as much of the house scrubbed as possible, so that when it is time to load up and move out, I wont have as much to do. Of course, this is all a great thought...but making it a reality is more difficult, because I DONT WANNA DO IT!
I had planned to take the kids back to the wild flower place this weekend, but that is not going to happen since it is so crappy outside. In a way it works out because it forces me to work on the house. Grrrr. They are closed on Monday's so maybe if I get the house all together this weekend I can take them on Tuesday. Of course I may have to go buy them something "Springy" to wear since most of their stuff is in boxes...I only left out a few outfits...and I have pretty much nothing but one pair of jeans, some sweats, and t-shirts! LOL Anyway, the pictures from last year were really cute, so I want to go again! I was thinking of doing some sort of flower garden at the house..who knows. As of now, I have too many "ideas" and not enough money to make them happen!
Another issue we are dealing with is that we have still not received any information about Logan's t-ball league. Last year was really great as far as the organization, but this year I am really disappointed. Their website sucks, apparently there aren't enough coaches, and I have had to email the president several times because Logan still hasn't been put on a team and apparently it starts on the 19th....ummm 10 days, and he still hasn't practiced with a team....because he isn't on one. It makes me extrememly nervous because he has been playing a lot with JR and is really excited about this season. So Come on already...what is going on??? just another thing for me to worry about and get stressed! Ughh
I was thinking of doing a "local" party for Logan, then having a housewarming/"family" party a couple of weeks later. When Landry turned 2, we sort of celebrated for 3 weeks. We did a "just us" thing and took the kids to the carnival, we did a "Houston Friends and Family" party at the children's museum...so many of our friends and family live in the Houston area so instead of having everyone come to us...we went there. Then we did a "family" birthday dinner celebration with my parents, sister, and the cousins. I am thinking we may do something similar...the problem is, I don't know how. The weekend before Logan's birthday (17th & 18th) we will be busy moving...so, yeah - we wont be hosting anything at that time...plus the 17th is our anniversary. The weekend of his birthday I thought about inviting his school friends and t-ball teammates (if we ever meet them) but another girl in his class already sent out invites for her party on the 24th. Plus...the kids are out of school until the 20th...so I can't really do invites with a 4/5 day notice....oops! So, then there is the following weekend of the 31st, which could work out, the following weekend would be better since it comes right after pay day, BUT it's Easter weekend! Gah! Plus, it would be 2 weeks AFTER his birthday which kind of sucks. I have to make a decision, but the problem is that everything is so contingent on when we close on the house! UGHHHHHHHHHH we should have already been in the damn place. I dont know what to do!
SO. STRESSED. OUT.
I had planned to take the kids back to the wild flower place this weekend, but that is not going to happen since it is so crappy outside. In a way it works out because it forces me to work on the house. Grrrr. They are closed on Monday's so maybe if I get the house all together this weekend I can take them on Tuesday. Of course I may have to go buy them something "Springy" to wear since most of their stuff is in boxes...I only left out a few outfits...and I have pretty much nothing but one pair of jeans, some sweats, and t-shirts! LOL Anyway, the pictures from last year were really cute, so I want to go again! I was thinking of doing some sort of flower garden at the house..who knows. As of now, I have too many "ideas" and not enough money to make them happen!
Another issue we are dealing with is that we have still not received any information about Logan's t-ball league. Last year was really great as far as the organization, but this year I am really disappointed. Their website sucks, apparently there aren't enough coaches, and I have had to email the president several times because Logan still hasn't been put on a team and apparently it starts on the 19th....ummm 10 days, and he still hasn't practiced with a team....because he isn't on one. It makes me extrememly nervous because he has been playing a lot with JR and is really excited about this season. So Come on already...what is going on??? just another thing for me to worry about and get stressed! Ughh
I was thinking of doing a "local" party for Logan, then having a housewarming/"family" party a couple of weeks later. When Landry turned 2, we sort of celebrated for 3 weeks. We did a "just us" thing and took the kids to the carnival, we did a "Houston Friends and Family" party at the children's museum...so many of our friends and family live in the Houston area so instead of having everyone come to us...we went there. Then we did a "family" birthday dinner celebration with my parents, sister, and the cousins. I am thinking we may do something similar...the problem is, I don't know how. The weekend before Logan's birthday (17th & 18th) we will be busy moving...so, yeah - we wont be hosting anything at that time...plus the 17th is our anniversary. The weekend of his birthday I thought about inviting his school friends and t-ball teammates (if we ever meet them) but another girl in his class already sent out invites for her party on the 24th. Plus...the kids are out of school until the 20th...so I can't really do invites with a 4/5 day notice....oops! So, then there is the following weekend of the 31st, which could work out, the following weekend would be better since it comes right after pay day, BUT it's Easter weekend! Gah! Plus, it would be 2 weeks AFTER his birthday which kind of sucks. I have to make a decision, but the problem is that everything is so contingent on when we close on the house! UGHHHHHHHHHH we should have already been in the damn place. I dont know what to do!
SO. STRESSED. OUT.
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