Anticipation, procrastination and heart break

Today is going to be great...once I finish cleaning! Tomorrow will be even better, except that tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day for my family. Confused? Me too!
JR and I cleaned a little last night, but opted to go to bed early. It hit me about 30 minutes later we were in bed that I would be solely responsible for getting the rest of the house in order...laundry, sheets washed, toilets cleaned...yuck! I started to stew, but before I said anything to JR I realized that it was my own fault. I mean yes, it is nice to get some help from him - but he did help. He picked up all the toys in the living room and threw away the trash. So what did I have to complain about. Sure, it would have been amazing if he would have done more, but then isn't that MY job. The truth is I could have gotten the laundry done all week. I could have stayed up last night and cleaned the bathrooms. And I could have cleaned the kitchen after dinner last night. I dont know, this the battle I have with myself all the time. Technically, my job is taking care of our children. I am a mother not a maid - but any mother would know that when you become a mother, you also become a chef, a maid, an accountant, and a mother and wife! So should I be upset with my husband for not helping out more? Maybe, but I'm not...at least not this time! I have procrastinated all week, and now we have friends and family that will be here in about 7 hours...so I better get on the ball.
Tomorrow a group of friends and some family will be going to float the river. This river float is a two headed monster. On one hand, it will be so much fun and I am excited. On the other hand tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my grandfathers death. Now, I have never been one to mark the anniversary of such a painful occasion. I instead choose to celebrate my Papa. His birthday is August 11, and I will send a card and flowers to my grandmother and I will wish him a happy birthday, even though he isn't with us anymore. I would rather celebrate the day of his birth rather than the day of his death. One thing I know for sure. Tomorrow will be a very difficult day for my grandmother and my mother. My grandparents were married for 55 years. I can't imagine the pain that she has endured over this past year. I am extremely close to my grandmother and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up. I know that my Papa would not want us to sit around and weep for him. I know that he would not want us to stop living only to remember his death. I know my Nanny will mourn for him, I know she will cry for him. I know that she will not be able to think of anything else but the memory of him...but that pretty much describes her daily life now. Tomorrow, as I do so often, I will take the time to remember some of my fondest memories of my grandfather, and I may even toast a glass of Chardonnay (his fav.) to him! I miss you, Papa.