All bad

My grandfather is dying.
He will not leave the hospital. It is very bad. Apparently 5 days ago my mom, aunt, and ucle were told by the doctor that he was not going to get any better and that his kidneys were beginning to fail which would mean the start of dialysis. They were told to make a decision on the course of action they wanted to take. Of course, my grandfather has a living will that gives all decisions on his behalf to my grandmother in the event that he is not capable of making them himself. So my mom and her siblings discussed what they were told and decided that it wasn;t fair to keep doing this to my grandfather, and that he wouldn't want to be like this. I think the hardest part for them is the fact that he wakes up and although he cant talk, he can write on a clipboard. He isn't always lucid, but ou can talk to him and ask questions and he can nod yes or no. 3 days ago, the doctors says that the time has come to make the decision (this time he is telling my grandmother) he explains that he isn't getting any better and that once the dialysis starts he will basically have machines doing all the work for him. Dialysis to keep the kidneys working, the pace maker to keep his heart working, the chest tube is still there to keep the lung inflated, they have to come in and drain the tube thing oterwise his lungs will fill up with fluid and he will drown. The ventilatior to keep him breathing....his had a trachaeotomy which has to be suctioned every couple of hours. Today marks the 35 (5 weeks) day he has been on his back. He now has bed sores that are quite large and growing. I am so incredibly sad. I dont know what to do, and because I have been getting most of my information from my grandmother, I feel completely snowed. I feel like I am just learning the severity of it although I think I always knew but wanted to deny it. Anyway, so 3 days ago, my grandmother, my mom and the siblings go into a private room to discuss the course of action...my mom being my mom, speaks first and says she thinks they should turn off the ventilator and let nature take its course, that she doesn't think papa would want to live like this....My uncle Jim says he agrees but it was up to my grandmother, and my aunt Angela (a doctor) says that the decision is my grandmothers and she will support her no matter what.... My mom was furious, they all talked about it and when it came time to say something, they just let her say what they all thought and then didn't back her up! My grandmother isn't ready to let go yet, and she still has it in her head that he will turn a corner and be able to come home. Finally, after 32 hours of not waking up, my grandmother admits that the time has come to take him off the machines. They all go up to the hospital, and the doctor says hello to my grandfather. He then tells my family that it is unethical to turn off the machines because my grandfather indicated on 3 occassions that he wanted to keep fighting. So my aunt Angela goes to him and asks, "Dad do you want to keep going, or do you want us to leave you alone." He responds by nodding his head yes, and the doctor says that as long as he can comprehend questions he is still in charge of his own life...BUT what was he nodding yes to? going on or leaving him alone????? So, the doctor says he is much more lucid and responsive and therefore will not turn the machines off. My grandmother was so relieved and to be honest, when the time comes to make the decision again, she wont do it. My grandfather does have a DNR so in the event that his heart stops, that will be the end. This is so confusing to me because that is why he got the pacemaker....his heart kept stopping due to so many arythmias...so how did they bring him back? Plus 2 days after he went in to the hospital they had to do CPR because his heart stopped....my said it was because the doctor believed it was completely reversible, but I thought that a DNR meant NO MATTER WHAT- reversible or irreversible - they can not bring you back....Anyway...I am sad...I am mad for the fact that I am going to lose him and that my family was ready to turn off the machines without even telling all of us. I am mad at myself for not going to see him more - and for not being strong enough to go now, I just dont want to see him like that, I wont be able to handle it. My grandmother is losing so much weight, and with all the people in the house with her I am pissed that they aren't watching her more closely. They should be making sure that she is eating and when I said something to her, her response was..."It's hard to eat when your never hungry." If it were me, I would be shoving food down her throat 3 times a day. Ughhhhh. I seriously CAN NOT lose my grandmother....I just can't do it.