Yesterday

We had such an amazing day yesterday! It went by in the blink of an eye. First of all, we probably should have spaced things out a little more. Maybe we should have done the Library and HEB yesterday, and the wild flowers today. I have just been putting it off for so many days I really wanted to get it done. We ended up only seeing one trail, because it was HOT. The kids were ridiculous.
The library was really great, there were so many kids ranging from Landry's age to Logan's age. They apparently have been going for quite some time because they sang songs and read two books. All the kids knew the movements and words to the songs - so I felt bad, but Logan picked up the movements quickly and he was trying to sing the songs. Landry - well Landry danced in circles, climbed up and down her chair over and over again, picked up the mats on the floor and moved them...she was a toot. They read a book about bullying and spring and sang more songs. Afterwards they had little coloring stations. Again, Landry had me chasing her like crazy, Logan sat down and colored (I really need to teach him the concept of staying in the lines). They had this birdhouse that was cutout and Logan was supposed to color and glue it together...so I let him put the glue on the back and put it in the right spot, and he colored! Landry tried to eat some crayons and climb the table! whew! Then Logan got a cupcake and we headed home. Landry was asleep before we even pulled in the driveway.
After he nap, we headed for the wildflower center, it was pretty hot, Logan fell asleep on the way there, and of course didn't want to get out of the car. We were there for almost 2 hours and hadn't made it to a second trail - plus it was impossible to get any pictures of the two of them. They were crazy. They obviously dont understand the concept of photos either. They would both look at me and say cheese - but they wouldn't smile, or they wouldn't look at the camera...ughhh! It was a lot of fun though.
After leaving the center we went to HEB to get a few groceries....it probably wasn't a good idea but oh well..the kids were great, just a little needy. By 8:30 last night, Landry had been asleep for an hour, and I was out like a light! Today I think we will hang out at the house, then tonight we will go to the park and t-ball practice!

You can see the rest of them on facebook -

Today is the day!

Forecast: scattered stories with high winds in the middle, but sunshine later in the post!
My mom called me at 6:45 this morning on her way home from work to ask if the kids and I wanted to go to Galveston.
"When?" I ask.
"I'm headed home now, gonna pack a few things and head that way." she replies.
Ummm...okay - so I have mentioned a million times before that my mom is NOT a planner. She gets in the mood to do something, and its just a fly by the seat of your pants thing. Me - I am a planner, I am getting better about the amount of detail that go into planning something...but still I need notice. I hate having to make quick decisions because I feel guilty either way. If I go, I am leaving behind my husband who will have to go to the grocery store and make his own food. Plus, I will miss him - even though we would be back on Friday. Also, Logan would have to miss his T-ball practice, and it seems like he is getting better each week and I dont want to mess that up. On the other hand, If I dont go, then I feel like I am letting down my mom and grandmother. My mom may just want the company for the drive since she is coming off a 12 hour shift, or she might have wanted me to drive so she could sleep. My nanny has been a little down lately so I know she could use some company, but I just can't. It would take a while to get myself packed and the kids, and Landry's puppies and blanket and bed, and the diapers and toy bag and...it goes on. Anyway, I said I would have to go another time - which I am going to see my Nanny at Mother's Day...but part of me feels horrible for not going, the other part knows I made the right decision.
*********THIS NEXT PART IS PERSONAL*******************************
While I was pregnant with Logan - my GIANT of a baby - I got a hemorrhoid. It never really bothered me though. Okay, it bothered me to know that I had this thing in that area, but it was never painful or itched, as I have heard it does sometimes. Anyhow, I had no problems with it, then came Landry - with her there were a few minor issues, but no real problems. For some reason 3 days ago it got mad about something because it has been hurting so badly that I didn't even know what to do yesterday, and it is already starting the fight today...sitting, standing...it hurts, I am going to try some tucks pads...if any of you have had this problem and know of something that works, please let me know.
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Last night Isabella and Isaiah came over for a bit. Randi dropped them off about 4:30 and my dad came to pick them up at 8:45. Supposedly my sister needed help because my mom was working and my dad had a meeting at 7 and Randi had class. Look, I dont mind helping out, it isn't a problem, but I dont like to be lied to and I seriously doubt she was going to class! Who knows. Anyway, All 4 kids and myself went outside to play - Landry was hilarious. The neighbors have 3 kids, Bernice (7), Junior (5), and Javi (3), So I thought it would be great for Isabella (8), and Isaiah (5) to have people to play with as well. It was perfect that Bernice is a girl! Anyway, they all played with monster truck mater for a bit, and then the girls were blowing bubbles and the boys were chasing the bubbles. then they started chasing butterflies...they had nets and everything. Isaiah and I played catch for a bit. After an hour and fifteen minutes I put Landry inside with JR, and the big kids and I played for another 45 minutes. Randi had brought the kids McDonalds, so they all ate chicken nuggets, while JR and I enjoyed a steak, sweet potato, and salad! Yummy. Landry went down at 7:30, but she kept waking up due to the screaming of the other 3 kids. I had to get on to them over and over again. Apparently I hurt Isabella's feelings because when my dad got here, she couldn't get out the door fast enough. My dad told my mom that Izzy was upset on the way home...but I can't figure out what I did to upset her. I know I got on to Isaiah, and yes, he drives me up the wall more than the other 3 combined - NORMALLY - but he was actually really good yesterday. Logan was the loudest...and I got on to him harder than I did Izzy or Bubba. So who knows, I guess I wont be winning any "Best Aunt" awards anytime soon.
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The sun is shining again today. Yesterday I took the kids to the mall and we got some Easter clothes...again - I was disappointed with some of the selections...I didn't have time to go store to store so we just went to Macy's and JcPenney's. Anyway, I wanted to go to take pictures after the mall but it was 2:30 by the time we left and for some reason I couldn't pull up the directions on my phone, and the Randi called to ask if I could watch the kids. (side note: I think its funny that I never hear from her unless she needs something from me!) So anyway, we headed home. I was hoping I could get both kids to take a nap before the cousins arrived - but nope...Landry just wouldn't go down! Logan on the other hand, asked to watch "the Princess and the Frog" and he fell asleep within 5 minutes! He has actually taken a nap evvvery day for the past 4 days. UNFORTUNATELY those naps have started at about 5:45 to 7:30. I was very happy his nap yesterday started at 3:00. So the day has arrived...in about an hour we are headed to the Library for story time. I just found out that they dont actually segregate the toddler time and preschool time...they just do a story time at 10:30 and then they have little craft stations according to age. Then they do it again at 12:00. So the plan is to head to story time, and come back hme so Landry can nap - Then head to the wild flower center , and on the way home stop at the grocery store. I will need to get dinner made early - or we may eat on teh way, but tonight we are taking the kids ot the Nutty Brown Cafe so we can go hear Reckless Kelly...one of my favorite Texas country bands! They go on at 6:30 So we wont be able to stay too long due to Landry's sleep schedule, but I guess we will see how it plays out!
Happy hump day!

What a wonderful world...

It is 9:00am and the sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky! Looks like it is going to be a beautiful day - hot, most likely - but beautiful. I just found out that they do storytime here at the Kyle Library for toddlers at 10:30 and preschoolers at 12:00 on Wednesdays. I am going to take them tomorrow, instead of going twice a week to Buda. We will give it a try tomorrow, my only worry is that being there for over two hours might throw a monkey wrench in the kids behavior. The other problem is that the preschooler time falls during Landry's nap time - so we will have to see how it goes. It would be easier for me to do it all in one day - but it may be easier for the kids if I drive over to Buda (about 15 min) and divide between tuesdays and wednesdays. So we will give tomorrow a try and if doesn't go so well we will go to Buda next week to see how that works out. I am going to try to get the kids to go to the mall in Austin today. Buy a few outfits and take them over to the wild flower center. I would love to buy Landry a big fluffy dress, but I also know I need to be practical and buy her a pretty dress she can wear more than once. I have had a hard time finding clothes for Logan. I never really like the "t-shirts" in the boys section, so I end up buying dress shirts or polo shirts - which will work greak for Easter photos, but when it comes to daily life - well, he needs some regular t-shirts. I have tried Target, Kohls, and Wal-mart...so I am hoping I can find something at the mall. I also need to get the poor kid some new underwear. I didn't really notice until Last night after bathtime. He usually puts his own underwear and shorts on after I lotion him up, but I did it last night - and well...his undies are 3T/4T...I had a bit of trouble getting them up his lotioned legs! He needs 4T/5T or maybe just 5T I am thinking even 4T will be too small since he does where 5T or youth smalls. It's pretty much the youth smalls...sometime we can find some 5T's that fit him, but not always. Its really hard for me to go to the boys sections in a store and not shop in the baby section for him anymore. Of course, I have been doing it for a year now...but it still hits me every time. My little baby boy isn't a baby anymore. Soon I will be taking him to the junior department and he wont want me to come in the dressing room with him anymore. And the heart wrenching thing is that soon after that stage, he will just be asking me for money so he can get what he needs by himself - and he wont want me there at all! Ughhh - I seriously hate thinking about him growing up. Is it so wrong to want him to be my little boy for forever?? StinkerBell is getting so big - way too fast as well. It doesn't hit me the way it does with Logan, but I am sure that it will soon. JR has nicknames for them and it was so funny because last night at dinner Logan looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm fat boy and sissy is pretty girl" I just looked at JR and we burst out laughing. Of course I have nicknames for them as well, but Logan is usually "Logey", and Landry is usually "stinkerbell". Logan also has Loginator, Logey bear, prince charming, baby boy and pumpkin butt. Landry has sissy, princess, baby girl, and Lulu. I guess we have a lot of nicknames for them. Landry also has Bella, which is kind of reserved for Carol (JR's mom). She is the only one that calls her that - and I love it. Its like a special little bond between a grandmother and her only granddaughter. As for now, its the only granddaughter she will ever have, because as far as Lacy, Jason, and JR - we are all finished having babies...her only option left is Brittany - and she seems pretty content being a mommy to her puppy. LOL
I will say that as Landry starts to near that two year birthday, I start thinkng of having one more child. I am so back and forth on the subject and until I am 100% sure one way or the other I am not going to do anything. At this point, I think its just me trying to hold on to the idea of babies. Mine are growing up - they walk and talk, Logan needs me less and less, as does Landry - and I miss the feeling of having them need me so completely. However, that isn't a good enough reason to have another baby..especially when I remember that they do grow up and then what - do I just keep having babies every two years....i dont think so. Plus, when I start to think about what total dependence means, I think of the waking up, the feeding, the sleepless nights, having another c-section, and while none of that lasts forever - that's kind of my point. I actually miss nursing my babies - but they grow up and start to take a bottle, then a sippy cup, and on and on until one day you look up and they are graduating. If I was to get pregnant, I would take it as a blessing, but I am about 85% sure that I dont want to have any more children. Plus, I want to go to cosmetology school and get my license and have a job that I love so that hopefully 5-10 years down the road I can open my own shop, run my own business, and be my own boss. I love my babies more than anything and I could probably have another 5 of them, but it would be for some pretty selfish reasons and that isn't fair. Maybe when both kids are in school and I have my license and have been working for a little while I could have another one - at least then it wouldn't be as financially irresponsible...but that is about 4-5 years down the road, and I am okay with that. But it sure seems like I am following in my moms footsteps! LOL she got married to my dad a week before my birthday - I married JR a week before Logan's birthday...Randi and I are 22 months apart and Vanessa is 6 years younger than me...Logan and Landry are 31 months apart, and if we decide to have another baby, Landry and the next one will be about 6-7 years apart. Funny how no matter what we say when we are younger, we actually do start to become our parents (at least in some ways)as we get older! Not to mention that we understand them a hell of a lot more! LOL

scattered stories

My goodness - my kids are acting like they had coffee injected into their bodies all night last night...They woke up this morning so hyper - and haven't slowed down since. I have no idea what is going on! They are nuts! This weekend was pretty lazy. We had Logan's t-ball game on Saturday at 8 in the morning...but after that we weren't very productive. I guess we have dropped the second nap with Landry - I dunno, its still kind of in limbo. On Saturday she went down for a nap at 11:30 and woke up at 2:15 and went to bed at 7:30. on Sunday she took her nap at 12:30 and slept until 2:15 and went to bed at 7:45. So she is only taking the one nap and we will see how today goes. she is pretty funny though. She will go to her room and get her blanket and puppies from her bed and carry them around then stop and lay down for a few minutes then get up and carry them to another spot. LOL
Today I have been working on uploading my photos to my shutterfly account. I have been really bad about this and so now I am very behind - and I want to order some prints. Ughh! Usually I just plug in my SD card and import the photos to my computer and then upload them to Facebook - but I haven't been putting them on my shutterfly account - which makes it difficult to order prints! Geez! So I guess I will be busy with that today. I am really hoping to get to the mall in Austin Today or tomorrow. I would like to buy the kids an Easter outfit before I take them to the wild flower center. It looks like I will be going on my own because we just have too much going on during the weekends...and I can tell JR isn't really THRILLED about going - so we will see how that works out. Tomorrow is Toddler time and story time at the public library in Buda at 10:30 and Wednesday is preschooler story time, so I am going to start trying to take the kids up to the Library for story time on Tuesday's and Wednesday's. We will see how it goes, but I think it might be nice for them.
JR weighed in at 317 yesterday, which is an 8 pound weight loss for last week. He is hoping to lose 17 pounds by the time we take our trip to the casino - which means he has 12.5 more days. He was able to run/walk twice this week, but his back hurt so badly the next day that it was all he could do. I told him he should just try doing it every other day...or 3 times a week, Mon. - Wed. - Sat....but I guess we will just have to see. I am sure he could lose 10-12 pounds a week if he was working out, but I dont want him doing anything that will further hurt his back. He is supposed to get an MRI done sometime in the next two weeks! Ughhh, at least he can put his own socks on now! LOL
I am still at 133...I dont think I am going to get any further down...I work out 5 times a week, and I am eating the same diet JR is - So I just dont know what else to do. We only have today and tomorrow left on cycle 3 then we are headed back to cycle 1 - which was the hardest cycle, but also the ONLY cycle I lost weight on! So we will see, maybe I can drop a few more pounds - at some body fat. It is so easy for JR to stay so encouraged...he is dropping the weight so easily, none of his clothes fit anymore, so he has to go shopping for new clothes, you can visually see the changes - so he doesn't get discouraged...me on the otherhand...my clothes aren't fitting any different, there are no visible signs of weight loss, and the number on the scale isn't getting any lower - therefore I am a little discouraged...but I dont mind keeping it up - because I know it is working for JR and I couldn't be more proud of him! - Now, I promise not to talk about the diet again until next Monday for a weekly update!!!
Hope you all have a wonderful week!

Filling in the calendar

JR and I are certainly filling in our calendar quickly. In my last blog I told you about the things we will be doing over the next few months...but last night we added a few more things to the list. I really wanted to take the kids to the Lady Byrd Johnson wildflower center last year, and I just never got around to it. I am hoping to do it this year. I actually wanted to go yesterday after Logan's game, but JR had to go in to woork for a little bit, and it was just as well, because it was been grey all weekend, and I would rather take them during a sunny day. I really want JR to go with us and I think it would be nice to get some Easter outfits and maybe send out Easter cards. We pushed it off to today, but again - grey skies, and I am not feeling all that well, so I have slept most of the day! Next weekend Logan has his game at 9 and then t-ball pictures afterward and MAYBE we can take them. Next Sunday, we are going to take them up to Round Rock to watch the Texas Rangers Minor League team - the Round Rock Express. I think it will be a lot of fun. We have taken Logan to several Astros games - his first at only 3 weeks old! LOL We have been brave and taken both kids to the Astros games, and it gets to be VERY hot. A couple of years ago we took Logan to a Round Rock game and we sat in the stands with my dad and watched the Fireworks afterwards. It was a lot of fun - but this year I think we are going to get Logan a kids pass that allows him and a friend into 10 games...they get to run the bases on certain games, they get a t-shirt, they get all kinds of stuff...and I think we are going to try to sit out on the lawn seats. Its pretty awesome, you take a blanket and sit out behind the outfield and you literally sit on the grass...it gives the kids a little more free reign to play! So I am pretty excited...who would have thought that I would be EXCITED to take the kids to a baseball game!
JR is begging for the computer - so I will have to finish up later!!

T-ball and stuff

Logan had his second t-ball game today and he did really well. He had only a small meltdown at the very beginning and then played the rest of the game without a single problem. He was active and chasing the ball each time. He did great at batting and running the bases. I was so proud of him. The game was at 8 this morning so getting him up and dressed and in the car was a little rough...hence the small meltdown. Luckily is only lasted about five minutes and then he was all about playing the game. Landry was such a little princess...she was great at the field, but now that we are home she is being a squirt. The jibber jabbers ALL the time...Its constant, mommy mommy mommy, dada, nanny, puppy. Its as if she has a list of the words she can say and she just says them over and over again! LOL She went to bed at 7:30 last night and did great. I felt so bad for her because I knew she was so sleepy but I wouldn't let her go down until 7:30. I think this is why she is being such a little toot right now. I am pretty sure she is sleepy, but it is just now 11:00 and I dont want her to go down for a nap until 11:30. We have to get something going as far as a schedule and the weekend is probably the best time to figure it all out. This whole switching to one nap has thrown both of us for a loop and I just want to get back to knowing when she is going down for naps and bedtime...and its better for her as well. On the other hand, since getting home - Logan has been watching "Open Season 2". I haven't heard a peep out of him. I keep checking to see if he has fallen asleep, but he is just sitting on the couch watching the movie! I am so very proud of my kids...they are a constant reminder of how blessed I am and what a wonderful life I have.
JR is under the 320 mark....I told myself I would try to only blog about his weight loss no more than once a week. He weighs himself daily but we go by a weekly weigh in which is on Sunday, so I will try and keep the updates to Monday's only - starting this Monday. I am just so proud of him as well...I cant believe that less than two months ago he was nearly 60 pounds heavier!
We are planning a trip to the casino in Louisiana on April 16...only two weeks away...I am so excited I can barely contain myself. The next few months will probably go by quickly since we have lots of things going on. We have t-ball every Saturday until May 21. We have the casino in two weeks, and a wedding at the end of April. Then Mother's Day at the beach is quickly approaching, JR's birthday is May 13. Then there is my birthday on June 14th, followed by Father's Day on the river. We have Aiden's second birthday party at the beginning of July - which I SERIOUSLY can't believe that nearly 2 years have gone by. Davin turns 5 in August...whew looks like we are going to have a busy summer! I can't wait!
JR and I are aparently having a little communication issue. I pretty much got tired of telling him the same things over and over again, so I figured its just easier not to say anything at all.
EXAMPLE: Me: JR can you please stop leaving you dirty socks in the living room
JR:yeah, sure thing
(the next day)
Me: JR, you left you dirty socks in the living room again
JR: I know, I was going to get them later
(the next day)
Me: JR, I had to pick up your socks again this morning.
JR: Oh man, I forgot, I'm sorry
(the next day)
Me: 10:00pm - JR please dont forget to pick up your socks
JR:ok, you dont have to remind me...I know, I'll do it before I go to bed
(the next day)
I pick up the socks for him and I just stop saying anything because I find it more frustrating to ask him to do something that he isn't going to do. So after a couple of weeks I got upset about him not taking out the trash that I asked him to do, and I throw in the fact that I have been picking up his socks everyday for weeks. They dont just magically make there way to the laundry basket ya know! So he asks why I dont remind him..and I tell him that when I have to say the same thing over and over it makes me feel like a nag, and I know he isn't going to do it anyway, so its just easier to do it myself. He tells me I need to be better at communicating---ughhhh. So this past Monday after dinner I say, "Hey babe, thanks for washing out your dish, but if you could just take that extra step and put the dish in the dish washer, it would really help." Tuesday - "JR, I know I asked you yesterday, and starting a new habit is hard, but if you could put your dish in the dishwasher, I would really appreciate it. Wednesday comes - "Hey babe, what are you supposed to do with the dish after you've rinsed it?" He says, "okay, SARA - I get it, you can stop telling me." But obviously he doesn't get it and I need to remind him because he still isn't doing it, right? So on Thursday I say nothing and guess what - he forgot AGAIN. Last night, I finish my dinner and I take my bowl to the sink...and again, his bowl has been washed out - but its still in the sink - So I say, "JR, your doing really great at washing out the dishes you use, but if you could please just put the dish in the...." He cuts me off and tells me to stop nagging him - he will do it! So I have no idea what in the hell I am supposed to do. Am I communicating or am I nagging. Trust me, its easier to just not say anything and just do it myself, but then he tells me to communicate, and remind him. I do that, and then he says I am nagging. humph!
Now, after all of that - let me just say that this is only a very small thing...obviously we need to figure it out, but JR and I are very lucky to have such a good marriage. Sure we have some small issues but I couldn't love him more. He is a hard worker, a wonderful provider, and an amazing father and husband. We hardly ever fight anymore - we, of course, still have arguements here and there - butoonly because he hasn't learned that I am always right! LOL The point is, we have a great marriage, but there will always be some issue or another, and in a way I love that. It means that we have something to work on and we wont get complacent in the marriage. And lets face it, with all my flaws - I am sure we will certainly ALWAYS have something that needs to be worked on!LOL

Happy 500

This is my 500th post...
Logan's Dr.'s appointment was torturous - at least for me. Here are the basics - He weighs 43 pounds and is 3'6.5" tall. The nurse said he was a tall 4 year old...ha - tell me something I dont know! I was wrong yesterday - apparently he needed 4 shots instead of 3...I didn't tell him what was going to happen at the doctor's office at first - we went in, he played with his toys and with his sister. He was so good when they checked his weight and height, and when the Dr. came in to do his checkup..eyes, nose, throat, listening to his heart...checking his shoulders, hips, arms and legs...you know the routine stuff. Then the nurse came in and asked if I would like an extra nurse to help me in case he needed to be held down. I probably sat there for about a minute just staring at her - I didn't know what to say...I didn't want another person having to hold him down, it might just make him panic more - but since I had Landry, an extra person might help...plus he might take it better coming from a stranger...So I said okay. 2 minutes later they came in. Logan got up on the little table, and I got eye to eye with him. I decided I should explain what was happening instead of just shocking him. So I told him that the nurses were going to help him and he would be getting shots and it would hurt but only for a second and he needed to be really still...there was more explanation - but you get the drift. They laid him down and gave him 2 in his left leg. He actually didn't cry, but he kept asking them to "please stop" I have gotten so used to praising good manners that I actually said, "Good manners Logan!" What an idiot LOL He crying didn't begin until he got the shot behind his left arm, and screaming insued with the shot in his right arm. I was crying, and doing the nervous laughter thing, Landry was crying, and Logan was crying saying "I dont like this, ouch - it hurts, please stop" I hated it. Now that he has been properly traumatized, every time he gets hurt he says that the doctor did it! Ha! Great!
After the doctor Logan fell asleep on the way home, so I took the kids home to let them sleep. When Logan got up, I took him to Target to get a power ranger, and then we went to t-ball practice. We went early so the kids could play at the park. Landry used to just kind of walk around...but this time she was entralled with the slide...and she figured out the concept of walking up the stairs...we actually got there really early 5:45 and practice wasn't until 6:15. Logan ended up busting his lip at the play ground...which he informed me was the doctor's fault - haha. he did really well at practice. It was the best one yet. He only had one small melt down, but it lasted less than 5 minutes. I was so proud of him - he had a rough day. Once we got home we ate dinner and I headed to HEB to finish up the grocery shopping. It was a long day - for sure. To top everything off Landry woke up at 10...she usually will go back to sleep, but after 10 minutes of crying, I went to check on her..I ended up getting her out of the crib and brought her into Logan's room to watch a movie. She actually laid there but she would NOT stop talking and giggling. Everytime she would giggle, Logan would start laughing...she has learned 2 new words...Cheese and trash! Logan is the one that taught her "cheese" which is pretty cute. She says "trash" everytime she takes her diaper to the trash. After we change her diaper she likes to take the dirty one and put in the trash...she actually gets ticked if you try to take it yourself. Anyway, I finally took Landry to the living room because I didn't think she or Logan would ever fall asleep if they kept giggling back and forth. We watched American Idol, and after that I just laid her down again...I was so tired - I just couldn't take it. She cried for about 5 minutes and went back to sleep - whew.

About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with an axiety disorder and was given trazodone. Afer a few days of taking the drug, I became agoraphobic. I could not leave my apartment, I couldn't sleep...I thought somenone was trying to get in my apartment, I would check the door and the blinds about every 5 minutes...I literally thought someone was trying to get me. I stopped taking the drug - and after the experience I have not wanted to take ANY type of anti-anxiety medicine again. I have panic attacks here and there and I can usually prevent them from coming on...but let me just explain a little of what it feels like. Breathing becomes very difficult and I start to sweat. I get very hot and feel like I am being cornered into a small room - even if I am in a wide open space. There other things that happen, that I just can't explain, but for this reason, I am not a fan of large crowds, and I dont like to be enclosed in any area - I may hae a small form of claustrophobia...but it doesn't effect me on a daily basis...its just exacerbated when the panic attacks come on. Large crowds usually cause me to panic a little, and once the panic starts to set in...it jst gets worse and worse. Usually, I would just remove myself from the crowd and avoid the attack. Well, at Logan's party, everything was going well...when I felt the panic start to kick in I would get up to go to a less populated area...by the end of the party I had been trying to get out of there for about 40 minutes as the panic continued to work its way out....by the time I got to the parking lot - I was having trouble catching my breath and I was sweating profusely. I was wearing a windbreaker and it was stuck to my arms because of the sweat..I tried to get it off and even though it was only a few seconds it felt like forever..the longer the jacket was on, the harder it was to breathe - and I completely flipped out trying to get it off. JR doesn't really seem to understand - and I guess its hard unless you go through it, but basically it sucks. Anyway, I am telling this story because I have spoken about the small anxietty attack I had but I realized I never really told a backstory - and also because I realized something else. JR makes fun of me because when we go to a restaurant I ALWAYS have to be facing the door OR next to a door. After all these years - for some crazy reason - I just realized that this has everything to do with anxiety and I have no idea why I didn't put the two together earlier! Weird!
So I guess you all know now - I am a little looney!
have a great weekend!