Out of it...

The other day I wrote a lovely blog. I hit publish post, and boom the whole thing disappeared. It is very hard to squeeze in blog time, and by that time - the kids were destroying the house, so I gave up. Honestly, I can't even remember what I was talking about, which in all actuality is the main reason I blog...so I can go back and read some of these things to help me remember. Most of my days are pretty mundane, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to remember it. My memory has deteriorated over the last few years, and I am actually wondering if I will have Alzheimers when I am older. I know this sounds weird, but to me, that is the scariest thing I can think of. If I am going to have some sort of illness, I would rather it be cancer, or something like that. The idea of my children, or my husband standing in front of me and not being able to recognize them just breaks my heart. I saw my great aunt Carolyn go through it, and it just seems unbearable.

So, moving on from those morbid thoughts...Logan is really enjoying school. If I could just get him to go to sleep at a normal hour, it would be much easier to wake him up in the mornings. He gets in bed around 9:30...but he does NOT fall asleep until after 11. I was curious to see what he was doing all that time that kept him awake, so last night I sat outside his door and listened. We dont turn the tv on, or let him play his DS, so I couldn't imagine what he was doing. He seriously lays in bed and talks to himself. Ughhh! That child is so much like me, I can't get over how much he looks like his father and acts like me. Anywho, once I finally get him out of bed in the mornings he really does look forward to going to school! He talks so much, I can't believe I ever worried about him not talking. I think the only time he is ever silent is when he sleeps. The teachers say he's great, they haven't had any problems with him. Miss Amy told me this morning that he was a very sweet little boy. So - who knows. I was a little concerned last Thursday when I picked him up he said another boy punched him in the face. I asked if he told his teachers, and he said, "no, he said he was sorry." So, I don't know if Logan was irritating the boy and he decided to hit him (perfectly natural response for kids his age) or if the kids were playing and it was an accident so the little boy apologized...again who knows. I asked him if he cried, and Logan said no, so I figure...kids are kids. I am totally not prepared for this kind of stuff. I don't want Logan to be picked on, and I certainly dont want him to pick on anyone else. But I also know that accidents happen, and I know that when you put a bunch of kids together, they are going to get along for a bit, and then get irritated with each other...so I guess I will just have to wait it out!

My darling princess is possessed (by the way, I just remembered that this is what my failed blog was about!) There are so many things to say about this child. Right now she is teetering on a thin line between good and evil! My blog the other day was basically to say that for the past two weeks she has been behaving so good one minute and so bad the next, and that for some reason it finally dawned on me that we are in the terrible 2 stage. I have no idea why I didn't think of it before, and in fact - it wasn't even me that realized it. I was actually telling Vanessa (my sister) about all the little things she was doing, and Vanessa's response was, "Well, she is almost 2." DUH! Vanessa has worked in childcare for 3.5 years parttime, and she seems to think that my kids are really well behaved...I am certain it is because she isn't around them enough, AND that she has to say that because she is their aunt! LOL Anyway, I could go on and on about the tantrums she has thrown, or the fact that she has started telling me "no", or how she has been biting her brother, or pulling his hair, or climbing up EVERYTHING and just driving me crazy in general...Instead, I will say that she is a very intelligent little girl. She talks like crazy, and although I am sure that JR and I are the only ones that understand her sometimes, the fact that she can talk in sentences is amazing to me. She knows to wait until I go to the bathroom or just leave the room before she runs over to bite her brother or pull is hair or his ears...that way mommy doesn't see it. She knows how to cuddle up in your lap and ask for kisses when she thinks she is about to get in trouble. She has learned to run and hide when I tell her we need to change her diaper..under the beds, in closets, in the toy box with her blanket over her...she is a very skilled hider. The girl keeps me on toes, and there isn't enough caffiene in the world to keep up with her. But I still love her to pieces! Ahhhh, motherhood!

Also, while I was speaking to Vanessa, I was surprised to learn that she thought that Landry was my favorite. Now, first let me say that each of my children are very special to me. I love them both equally. However, I have a different relationship with them both because they are both so different. Logan and I are like kindred spirits, we have a totally different connection than Landry and I do, but that isn't to say that Landry and I dont have a connection - it's just different. I never wanted to have a "favorite child". Growing up in the household I grew up in, it was very obvious who held the favoritism of my parents...it wasn't me. I was the wall flower child, my goal was to just sink in to the background as much as possible. If I wasn't acting up, or making noise there was no reason to be yelled at...of course, that only worked part of the time, but growing up in my house was like walking on egg shells and the more I stayed out of the way the better it was for me. I NEVER want my kids to feel like this with me. I never want Landry to tell me that I love Logan more than I do her or vice versa. I want each of my children to know how special they are to me and how much I love them. I'm pretty sure my parents never intended to make me feel less than my sisters, and I am pretty sure that I didn't help when I started to keep my head down and speak only when spoken to - but I do wish my parents would have noticed and maybe done a little more to help my confidence, and let me know that they loved me just as much as they did my sisters. All I can say is that I know my parents love me now and no matter what my childhood was like (by the way, it wasn't all bad), the good, the bad, and the ugly - I have learned valuable lessons of what to do and what not to do! The truth of the matter is, there will be times that my kids dont like me too much - its all part of being a parent!