belated reaction

Every year on September 11 we remember, we mourn, and somehow we go on.
On September 11, 2001 I was 4 months out of high school. I had started college during the summer, but it was my first "real" college semester. I was up at 7 to hang out with my grandparents and eat breakfast. My grandmother and I would usually do part of the crossword, or the jumble in the paper, then eat breakfast and talk about what the day ahead of us was like. Tuesday, was the day I would take my grandparents car to the car wash for them, I also did other things, such as pick up something from the grocery store, or go to the bank...pretty much any little errands they needed done - so I sat down to make the list. It was close to a 30 minute drive from their house on the west end of Galveston to Campus. There was something (I dont remember what - I think it was print out a paper) that I needed to do so I planned to leave the house a little early.
As I was coming down the stairs to give my grandparents a kiss goodbye, the phone rang. My grandparents were still sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the paper, so I answered the phone - It was my great Aunt Carolyn - my grandmother's sister - she sounded upset...All I remember is she asked if John and Frances (my grandparents) had the tv on. I answered no, her voice was shaking - she told me to give the phone to my grandmother, turn the tv on and tell my papa to go watch. I remember being so bubbly when I spoke to her, I remember not even bothering to ask what channel to turn it to. I remember my grandmother's face when she took the phone. The worried look my grandfather had when I told him that I was supposed to turn the tv on and we were all supposed to watch. I remember my grandmother saying, "Oh my God." I remember turning the tv on just as the second plane hit the tower. I remember the look of shock on my grandparents face as I waited for SOMEONE to explain to me what was going on.
I honestly had never heard of the world trade center. If you asked me about famous landmarks in New York at that time I would have answered - Empire state building, statue of liberty, and yankee stadium. I didn't know what to do, but my grandparent were so upset and I just couldn't understand what was going on, so I left to go to class. I listened to the radio on the way, learning as the rest of the world as the towers collapsed - I was hoping someone would explain the significance of the towers. Were they a monument? a museum? offices? I know this sounds completely stupid now...but I was 18, and I just didn't have a clue.
Classes were cancelled, so I just sat in my car, trying to figure out what to do next. I was confused, I was hearing that there would be many deaths, I was hearing that there were people jumping from the buildings, I remember getting so angry and crying. I was crying for the senseless loss of lives - but I think I was mostly angry because I just didn't understand any of it. I didn't know if what they were saying on the radio was true, it seemed there was confusion as to wether it a plane or a bomb.
As the day wore on, I was hearing all kinds of things - such as people in heavily populated areas in the US should have a plan in case of another attack. First I thought, is Galveston far enough away from Houston? Then I thought, crap - I need to get to my grandparents. Then for the first time that day, I thought of my parents - we have always lived in small towns, but what really hit me, was that they lived in the same town as a nuclear power plant. I all of a sudden freaked. I couldn't get a hold of my mom...I thought something must have happened to have destroyed the power lines. I tried their cells, their home phone - no call went through. I turned every station trying to hear if any more attacks had happened...a few hours later I got through to my mom. She said to just be there for my Nanny and Papa.
Through all of this, I never really broke down and cried...maybe because I saw very little footage - I only heard it...Maybe because I didn't fully understand what they were talking about. maybe I was still in shock or just felt detached. But other than crying for a few short minutes - that was it. For some reason, I have had a delayed reaction to it. Each and every year on September 11...my reaction gets worse and worse. Even throughout the year, when a movie is made, or book is written or pictures are published - I breakdown. If I sit and think about it for more than a minute, I breakdown. This year being the 10 year anniversary - I decided I would avoid the television and radio...I stayed home - didn't watch tv, I read, and that was it. Today however, I reflected on it, I ended up watching a documentary and I broke down. It's how I wanted it though...by myself while Logan was at school, JR is at work and Landry was sleeping.
I remember how many of my friends enlisted after the attacks, most are still in, a few have passed, many of them have done multiple tours, and very few are getting out. Many people say that this was our generation's Pearl Harbor...I think that is pretty close to the truth. Pearl Harbor was attacked on December 7, 1941. the following day President Roosevelt addressed congress and in his speech said "Today is a day that will live in infamy." I think the same qoute can be said about September 11, 2001.