Man, Landry has been on a terror this morning. It's so weird because I know that if we were around other people they would probably think that her crying is just the usual...but it isn't. In fact, when I really think about it - she doesn't cry very often at all. I mean, she whines a little when she is hungry or sleepy....but I am talking about CRYING....full, lungs expanded, wailing. Yesterday, she did this - but I figured out that it was gas. Today she has been doing it...but it was because she was sleepy...go figure...she skipped a nap yesterday! Now we are back on the usual schedule, but I am wondering if she will drop her next nap....I can tell that we are DEFINITELY in a transitioning stage...but I dont think either of us know which nap to drop! Haha. My plan was to just stretch her awake times out about 30 minutes...and move up to 45 minutes and then and hour. This worked for me today with her first nap (which she is taking now) She woke up at 7:30 (Lucky me...SERIOUSLY) and she usually goes down for her first nap somewhere between 9:45 and 10:00...but today I laid her down at 10:30. That 30 minutes was pure hell....but we hung in there and now she is sleeping like a princess. My biggest concern is that this might mess up her bedtime. Landry is almost always in bed by 8:00...sometimes this gets screwed up when we are out eating dinner or at a friends house, but I try really hard to get home as close to 8:00 as possible, and when I know I am not going to I take the pack n play for her to sleep in. It has been a totally different experience having a child that is on a schedule. I feel bad for Logan sometimes, because I feel like he was my trial and error! LOL At the time I know I did the best I could...and well - lets face it, he turned out just fine. The boy is amazing...but I made a lot of mistakes that I am correcting with Landry. Such as, the schedule, not letting her fall asleep in my arms, not sleeping with me...etc. In no way do I believe that these choices will greatly impact who they become as individuals...I think that comes from discipline, morals, faith, good examples...and yes even mistakes. But I do believe that having a schedule implements a sense of discipline at the very beginning which may make it easier later (or it may not...we will see)...but it ABSOLUTELY makes it easier right now!
I have been pretty emotional the last couple of days (no, I am not pregnant....more likely about to start my period), I think about my kids and how wonderful they are. How I desperately want them to stay babies...and yet I can't wait to see the people they will become. I think about how I wish Logan was still Landry's age. I think about when he could still fit in my arms and how he would just stare at me with those big beautiful eyes. Now he sits in my lap and cuddles, but he is so big and long...but he still has those big, beautiful eyes. My next thoughts go to what he will be like as a teenager, and then what college he will go to, will he marry his high school sweetheart, or will he met his wife in college? Will I like her, will she like me - and do I care? LOL These thoughts haven't really hit me with Landry yet...maybe because she is still so small - I dont know...I just have these thoughts because I look at my son sometimes, and this harsh reality sets in...he isn't a baby anymore. The mere thought of him being 4 in eight more months crushes me uncontrollably. Very soon, (August) he will be starting school. It is only 2 days a week...and although I know that it will be a wonderful experience for him, it breaks my heart. Soon, he will have friends - other than his cousins...but more importantly, other than ME. JR and I are literally his best friends and soon that will start to fade away...he will play t-ball, pee wee football, have sleep overs, and JR and I will slowly become just his "mom and dad". It has all gone by so fast, I wish it would slow down...just for a little while longer. So now I am in tears, bawling like a baby - and you guys probably think I am crazy....but just wait, it will happen to you too. Logically you will think you are being ridiculous, but emotionally you will be breaking in two...one half of you excited about the journey that still lies ahead and and the other half devasted by the idea that your baby is growing up and one day wont depend on you for every little thing in his life.
4 comments:
Thinking about our babies growing up breaks my heart too. I know that's what they're supposed to do, but it still kills me. When I think about Aiden moving out and starting a life of his own I am just crushed. I've decided that must be why teenagers are so moody - it gives their parents a chance to separate from them enough to stand the thought of them moving out. I REALLY hope that we are close enough with our children that we can remain great friends after they move out!!
Nikki, I hope that too. Its kind of weird because I dont have a good example of that...I think you may know what it is like to be so close to a parent (your dad) and still have that friendship...but isn't it weird to expect it - or at least hope for it with our kids, when we didn't have it with our own mothers? I dont mean to speak for you, you may be much closer to your mom than I realize. I certainly never had that type of relationship with my mom, so I just pray that I can learn what NOT to do. LOL Vanessa is REQUIRED to call my mom everyday, but I want my kids to WANT to call me, not do it because I threaten them. I think we share the same hopes though....that the relationships with our children create such a strong bond that even when they leave our homes, the relationship continues...maybe it will change a little and we will have more of a friend role than a parental role...but that they still count on us, trust us, NEED us.
Nope, I totally agree. I have no relationship with my mother at this point. It's so sad and I really don't want my kids to have to go through that. The longer I am alive, the more I realize that no family is really "normal", but I can hope for a family that interacts positively, right?!
That is correct. I think there will always be a part of me that wants my mom to be proud of me. I will always want my moms approval, but I guess my attitude really changed when I got pregnant with Landry. When she wrote that horrible letter, it just hit me. If she cant be supportive, and loving, then I just dont want to hear it. I mean, people can have their own opinions, and she is more than welcome to voice them. But when JR and I make our own choice for our own family, she can either support it or not. I am tired of playing the game with her...If I dont do everything she wants me to do, the way she wants me to do it, she will cut off all ties with me and disown me. It still hurts, but at this point, I would rather her not be present to do the same thing with my children. It isn't fair to them. We are going through this whole thing all over again...Every time Logan sees a picture of my mom, he asks, "where's nanny? Can I call Nanny?" How do I explain to a three year old that Nanny is CRAZY? Part of me wishes she would have never showed up on my doorstep when I was pregnant with Logan...at least then he wouldn't know who she is and wouldn't ask about her. It breaks my heart, not for me, but for him. I have been through it so many times...like I said, I am just tired of the game. I dont think a mother gets to pick and choose when she wants to be a mother. You love your kids unconditionally...when they are doing great, and when they have made mistakes....no matter what, a mother's love shouldn't have stipulations...anyway - YIKES
Post a Comment