Stress..

So the last few weeks I have been in quite a funk. I have been super emotional and everything seems like its the end of the world. There are days that I am just unusually sad, but cant figure out why, and days that I am just so angry, but dont have a real reason. JR can call and ask how my day is and it will just set me off...either crying or yelling or both. I know that the main reason I feel this way is because I am so stressed out. I am completely overwhelmed. I am one of those people that can't just let things work themselves out...I need to have a plan. I need to have a backup plan for my original plan. I am by no means a neat freak, nor am I extremely organized...I wish I was, but I am not. In fact, the only time in my life I have ever been extremely organized, was when I was pregnant. But just because I dont organize everything in my life, I still have to have a plan. I plan everything...I am actually anal about it. If I need to go to the grocery store, it needs to be planned a day in advance. I plan, mainly because I have a child, and doing things spontaneously just aren't that easy anymore. It makes my life easier and harder. Once, I went to the grocery store, got everything I needed off my list, got home and realized I had forgotten to get a can of pineapples...I was making pineapple chicken, so I really needed the pineapples. I had a complete meltdown. On several occasions, I have stopped at the store to do some impromtu shopping...I end up spending about an hour and a half and usually walk away with nothing...mainly because I am overwhelmed by choices, and I dont know what to get because it wasn't planned.
So I sound like a crazy person...I should tell you it isn't always like this...just most of the time. I dont do well with choices. Just give me an either/or and let me pick between two things. This is why when JR asks, what do you want for dinner, and I say I dont know....I am not trying to be difficult....I really dont know, there are just too many choices. I dont like being overwhelmed, I get extremely stressed out, and it just isn't pretty.
So what am I overwhelmed about, you ask....What else, THE WEDDING. There is still so much to do and not enough money to pay for it all, and I dont know what to do. In my head, I know that it will all work out....but I dont know how yet, and its driving me crazy. I met with a florist this week who suggested that because of my dress, I should go with some color for my flowers. I had originally thought I would do all ivory flowers...roses, callas, etc. simple but elegant was the plan. Because my dress is champaigne, I was worried that the ivory flowers might get drowned out. So he asked what color my bridesmaids were wearing, when I showed him the swatch, he says, "oh, this is great, because you can choose almost any color with this! You could go with pale pinks, or some pastels, some purple or yellows, or you could go with so vibrant colors like hot pink, bright orange...what do you think?" UMMMMMMM.....I dunno! Way too many choices. I liked the ivory, because like I said, it was simple but still elegant, the roses and callas, were very classic and traditional. I knew from the beginning I wanted traditional...not trendy. I dont know what to do.....any ideas??? I do like the idea of adding some color, and I even like the bright colors, but I also like the lighter ones. Too many choices...too overwhelming, what if I choose the wrong one! and by the way JR is no help...he says to pick the one I like the best! GRRRR.
The DJ we wanted to use is out of town on the weekend of our wedding, which sucks, but being the planner that I am, I have a back up!!!
I cant get a hold of the photographer that I wanted to use...here I am ready to make my deposit and I cant get them to call back, and now that it has been two weeks, my faith in them has diminshed...if it takes two weeks to call me back, can I trust them to show up.....so again I have a back up, its just that they require 50% upfront, so I have to wait a little longer before I can pay all that money!
Apparently, the venue is a caterers nightmare...they have a kitchen, but it is only equipped for heating the food up....didn't think about that one when I booked it!....So my venue has a caterer that does most of their events...but as you can guess, costs twice as much! So I am still looking into that.
I still have to pick out linens, which I have put off because of the amount of choices...plus I wanted to see how much money I have left, and I am hoping to find a caterer that provides linens!!
I really wanted to have live ceremony music, a string duet or trio...but I dont think my budget will allow it.
This is so stressful, I am seriously just about ready to cut my losses, take the rest of the money and go to Vegas. I even told JR today that instead of Vegas, we should just go to the Virgin Islands (our honeymoon destination...HOPEFULLY), get married there, have our honeymoon, and come home and have a bar-b-q in the backyard for the celebration with friends and family. The whole point of me doing the wedding this way was to have our friends and family with us....now I am just too stressed to care!
Will definitely take any words of encouragement!